


The encounters that have led us here

by FollowTheMagpie



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Adult Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Explicit, Romance, Tragedy, non-graphical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 17:39:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 81,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5057785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowTheMagpie/pseuds/FollowTheMagpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today, the only thing testifying their shared past is a mourning hair chain with a locket symbolizing eternity. These are the encounters that have led them here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aren’t you bold

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Wolfgirl44 for proof-reading this story :)

The soft pattering of rain on copper stone echoed through the empty streets of London. It was still early in the morning and not many people were to be seen. Most aristocrats would have avoided this part of the town or at least would have never come here alone, but Claudia didn’t care all that much. She enjoyed the silence, the absence of servants and gossiping nobles. Just the sound of her own feet on wet ground. Should someone disturb her peace she would know how to defend herself.  
   It was not hard to find the shop she had been looking for. Coffins and tombstones were decorating the entrance of the dilapidated funeral parlour. Claudia’s eyes skipped to the sign above the door: Undertaker. The name of the mortician working at this shop. She had been asking around, but apparently he was not known by any other name than simply ‘Undertaker’. Other than his reputation of being a creepy and disturbing old man Claudia knew that he often offered his service to those who had fallen victim to crime. Specifically, London’s underground society. He could be a splendid informant – and that was why she was here.  
   Unblinking she removed a freshly finished spider web from the door handle, glistening with dew drops, and raised her hand to knock on the old wooden door. There was no answer. After waiting an appropriate amount of time, she opened the door.  
   The room was filled with coffins of all woods, colours, and sizes. Old, dusty spider webs were decorating empty picture frames and shelves were standing along the walls, filled with bottles containing suspicious looking fluids. If it hadn’t been for the few candles lighting the room she would have thought this place had been uninhabited for years. It looked like it was on the brink of collape.  
   “ _Hee hee~_ ” Suddenly, an eerie, high-pitched laugh filled the room. “Welcooome.”  
   Claudia’s heart skipped a beat even though she had been expecting something like this. Her gaze wandered to the right, but all she could see were more coffins. It took a moment for her to realize he was probably hiding in one of them.  
   “You must be Undertaker.” Her voice gave away nothing of the little fright he had caused her.  
   The coffin lid gave a deafening squeak as the funeral director opened the door, stepping out of the dark and tight space. He was tall and dressed in black robes, a wide grin plastered on his lips. His silvery hair reached almost to his lower back and his face was partly covered by long bangs.  
   She had to admit, she was surprised. When people had told her that he was a creepy and disturbing old man she had been expecting something different. She could imagine how people came to call him creepy and disturbing, but in fact, she could not tell how old he was. The greyish colour of his hair certainly made him appear somewhat old, but the part of his face she was able to see looked young and was free of wrinkles.  
   “Oh, what an interesting guest we have here…” While passing by, he took an urn from a shelf and opened it. To Claudia’s surprise it contained bone shaped cookies. “Countess Phantomhive, isn’t it? The Queen’s Watchdog.”  
   _I’ve never met him and yet he recognized me on first glance. He also knows my occupation._ He knew way too much to be a plain mortician, no doubt about that.  
   He didn’t wait for her to confirm his assumption and leaned against a dark wooden desk in the middle of the room. The grin never left his lips. “Sooo, how can a humble funeral director such as myself help you, Countess Phantomhive?”  
   Claudia decided that there was no need for flattery or exaggerated secrecy. “I’ve heard that you possess some information about the movements of the underground of London. I am investigating a few cases of murder and I was told that you were assigned to bury the corpses.”  
   “So I thought.” He crooked his head. “But you see~, before I can give you any information you will have to pay me first.”  
   Claudia nodded. “Of course. How much?”  
   Without a warning, Undertaker burst into laughter and slowly strolled towards her “I see~” So your informants didn’t tell you how to pay me.”  
   He stalked around her like a cat, his long robes brushing her arm in the process. He was entirely too close to someone of her rank, but her instincts told her that she was not in danger. He was moving like a cat, yes, but he was not out for killing. It seemed like he just wanted to play.  
   “So I do not pay you with money, I see” she answered and fruitlessly tried to meet his gaze through the long, silvery bangs. “What is it then you take for payment?”  
   He stopped in front of her and suddenly his face was way too close to hers. Maybe she would have felt intimidated if she would have not been so amused by the fact that his breath actually smelled of cookies – of all things she would have expected.  
   “Laughter”, was his simple answer. “A first rate laugh… That is everything I desire.”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise. “I just need to make you laugh?”  
   That was easier than she had anticipated. Undertaker opened his mouth, but before he could utter a sound her hands were already on him. He yelped in surprise when she easily found that special ticklish spot at his sides. He burst out laughing, trying to shield himself from her attacking hands, but every time he managed to cover one spot she had already discovered three more.  
   In an attempt to escape her assault he took a step backward and hit a coffin lying on the ground. Laughing, he stumbled and slumped on the lid, even more vulnerable to her. She did not halt for even a second.  
   “Stop”, he managed in between bouts of laughter, tears running down his cheeks. “That’s - enough. I’ll - tell you anything.”  
   Claudia stopped her assault and pulled her hands back. Undertaker was lying on the lid of the coffin, breathing heavily.  
   “Don’t tell me nobody ever did that to make you laugh?” Claudia asked, amused. It was the most obvious method after all, wasn’t it?  
   “Not yet”, he admitted in between huffs. When he got up a crooked smile was pulling at his lips. “Visitors are usually too afraid of me to even think of it.” He eyed her for a moment – at least she thought so. “What a bold lady you are.”  
   Claudia shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve been told that a few times.”  
   He grinned and took place behind the huge desk. “Is that so~? So then, what is it you want to know?”  
  
The murder case was much easier to solve with the information Undertaker had provided her. Three of the five recent murder victims had been slain with the same weapon, so her suspicion had been proven right: It was a single person who was causing most of these cases. The dead were not connected in any obvious way, but in the end she managed to figure it out. Being able to take a look at the corpses had been a great help indeed. Back then she decided she would definitely come back to the funeral parlour.  
   Little did she know about the fate God had in store for them.


	2. Would have been too easy

It did not take long until the Queen’s orders lead Claudia to the funeral parlour once again. Undertaker’s method of payment was way too convenient to let the opportunity pass and she enjoyed the lonely walk through town more than she would have thought possible. She never brought servants or other people, and without anyone but herself the walk felt so peaceful. Today the sun was shining too and made even this part of London appear friendly.  
   Just as last time, Undertaker hid in a coffin when she entered the room. Everything looked exactly the same. _He could use a bit of money_ … she thought to herself. _These cracks in the walls look rather dangerous._   
   “Countess Phantomhive”, he greeted her with a grin and offered her some cookies. She politely declined, but he didn’t seem to mind it. “I assume you came back for another one of my visitors. The girl that was found in the Thames, perhaps?”  
   _Am I that obvious?_ She was not sure if his vast knowledge should alarm her or if she should just be relieved to not have to explain everything in detail. “You are correct.”  
   “I see~” He nodded. “She must have spent a few days in that river. She was a mess when she was brought here, but I did my best to fix her all up.”  
   “Was there anything special about the corpse?” Claudia asked straightaway, not wasting any time.   
   Undertaker grinned. “Let us not forget about the payment, my dear.”  
   This time, he was faster. Even though he had been standing close to her, he dodged her hands with ease, strolling away from her.  
   She smiled wryly. “Am I supposed to catch you now?”  
   “You could try. That would certainly be a sight to behold.” His wide grin turned into a smile as he crooked his head. “I’ve reconsidered my chosen method of payment.” He placed the urn containing his cookies on the desk. “Instead of assaulting me, I’d like you to make me happy.”  
   “Happy?” she repeated. That was more difficult. Forcing a laugh out of him by tickling him was child’s play, but that would certainly not make him happy. Lost in thought, she put her fingertips to her chin.   
   “You could try and tell a joke,” he offered, watching her with obvious amusement. “That’s how most of my costumers try to get by.”  
   She shook her head. “I’m not very funny. In fact, I’m horrible at telling jokes.”  
   “Most aristocrats are, my dear. It’s amusing to watch their struggle.” The smile on his lips could have not been better described with any other word than smug.  
   “I know,” Claudia answered with a wry smile. “Unfortunately, I’ve had many opportunities to experience that first-hand.”  
   “Is that so~”  
   Silence fell over the room. Undertaker didn’t utter a sound while she was thinking of what could make him happy and perhaps didn’t include making a fool out of herself. She barely knew him though. She did not know what he liked and found it hard to guess on something that didn’t include experiments or suspicious looking fluids.  
   In the end, Claudia decided on a different approach. _What would make me happy?_ The answer was simpler than she had expected. Peace. A peaceful walk, outside of London. The sun was shining, nature was recovering from the strain of winter. It was most likely beautiful out there in the woods.   
   _I’d guess he rarely leaves this place. He’s bound to attend funerals from time to time, but other than that..._ She pondered for a moment. _I might as well ask him._   
   “How about going out for a walk into the woods?” she offered him. “Could that potentially make you happy?”  
   For a moment he just looked at her. The part of his face she could see held an almost… puzzled expression. She assumed nobody else had ever offered him a walk as payment… Then again, she was also the first person who had downright attacked him to make him laugh.  
   “Mh…” A smile spread on his lips and he crooked his head. “I assume that could work.”  
   They were off as soon as Undertaker had locked the shop. It did not take long until they were walking side by side through the streets of London. Claudia noticed curious gazes following them – her in particular. Undertaker’s appearance was surely odd, but not as odd as a noble woman walking with a mortician at her side through East End.  
   When two workers passed them, Undertaker grinned. “People are going to talk about you, Countess Phantomhive. Your clothing, your attitude… You don’t fit into East End and its inhabitants are realizing that.”  
   Claudia shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t mind. They can talk all they want. We’ll reach the outskirts of London soon enough.”  
   They spent the majority of the way in silence, just walking onwards. It took longer to exit London than Claudia had originally anticipated, but she didn’t have any appointments today anyway.  
   She was relieved when they finally left the last old houses and barns behind and took one of the roads leading to the nearby forest. The air was clean out here, even more pleasant than the air around the Phantomhive manor. Claudia took a deep breath, the scent of flowers and plants filling her nose and lungs.  
   “When you spend a lot of time in London you forget how good it can feel to breathe clean air.” Recently, she had spent far too much time in the Phantomhive’s summer house. She hadn’t realized how badly she wanted to return to the Manor – and ‘The Season’ hadn’t even started yet. The ‘Season’ lasted from May to August, a time where many aristocrats from all over the world were invited to London to participate in the many social events taking place. Of course, she’d have to participate to – much to her dismay.  
   Undertaker giggled to himself. “The social gatherings of the high society surely don’t have such an unpleasant scent, do~ they?”  
   “They certainly don’t reek of fumes, gasoline or urine like other parts of London”, she admitted bluntly. ”But you don’t know how sickening the scent of perfume can be if you haven’t spent a whole evening in one of these social events. And don’t get me started on the men.”  
   The funeral director laughed, stepping in front of her and walking backwards, his gaze never leaving her face. “The stale scent of alcohol getting blown into your face with every bit of fake flattery they offer you?”  
   Claudia raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You know the game. There are plenty of ways to make the air heavy and unpleasant. If scent were the only cause it’d be easy to avoid. Too many people. Pointless gossip. Fake flattery. Jealousy and dislike safely guarded by cheerful but oh so empty smiles.” She shook her head and smiled. “The usual.”  
   “I see~” He stepped to the side again, going back to walking next to her.  
   They fell silent for a while. Claudia did not feel the need to force a conversation and he didn’t seem to either. It wasn’t an unpleasant silence. Her gaze wandered along the path as they kept walking. A distance away, she noticed a squirrel running through high grass and then up a trunk until it vanished in the treetop.  
   After a few more steps her gaze fell on three little crocuses slowly fighting their way up through underwood and old leaves, remnants of the past autumn. A smile tugged at her lips as she eyed the small, white blossoms that had yet to open. Tiny dewdrops glistened on the flowers’ short but strong stems. Claudia crouched down to gently remove a branch that was pressing down on one of the little crocuses.  
   “So the Lady likes flowers,” Undertaker stated from behind. She could hear the grin on his lips just by listening to his voice. “I was beginning to wonder if there was anything plain about you.”  
   She threw him a glance, pondering for a moment if it would put her at some sort of disadvantage to admit she did indeed like flowers and figured it probably wouldn’t.  
   “I do,” she answered honestly, slowly getting up. Her coat’s hem was wet and dirty from the ground.  
   Undertaker crooked his head. “Is that so~ Then, would you allow me to lead you someplace?”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise. She didn’t expect him being familiar with this place. “Of course.”  
   She was curious about what he wanted to show her. When the small path turned to the right, Undertaker continued onwards, deeper into the woods and straying from the trail. Claudia didn’t hesitate to follow him even though later she’d have to think of a good excuse to explain why her coat and shoes were dirty.  
   “Where are we going?” she asked after a while, slowly growing impatient.  
   Undertaker giggled and put his index finger to his lips. “That’s a secret. For now, at least. You will see soon enough.”  
   She sighed to herself but complied anyway. There was no point in prying, he wasn’t likely to tell her anything.  
   After a few more minutes of walking the ground suddenly ascended steeply and she had to pay a lot of attention to where she put her feet. Her shoes were not meant to be used for walking out in the woods and they certainly were not for climbing scarps. She almost lost her balance and took hold of a tree for support, smearing wet moss and dirt all over her fingers. As long as it was only moss and soil she didn’t really mind.   
   “Having trouble?” Undertaker cooed from ahead.   
   Claudia started to wonder if he ever stopped grinning. _Probably not._ He seemed to be enjoying himself quite a lot – and presumably at her expense.   
   She waved with her free hand, forcing herself onwards. “Ah, no, I’m fine. I love to make a fool out of myself. All for you.”  
   She had barely finished her sentence when she almost slipped again. She heard his footsteps coming closer again and was surprised when Undertaker extended a hand, offering her support. The grin never left his face. She hesitated for a second, but in the end she gladly took hold of his pale, slender fingers. They looked like they should be cold to the touch, but in fact they felt warm and smooth.   
   When they finally reached the top, Claudia opened her mouth to tell him whatever he was planning to show her better be worth the trouble of getting there, but the scene in front of her shut her up for good before she could even begin to complain. She forgot to close her mouth again, instead she just stared at the wide clearing only two steps away from her. White and yellow flowers of all sizes covered the ground like a blanket. In between white and yellow Claudia could see little speckles of purple, red and blue. She would have never expected something like this in the middle of a forest.  
   Undertaker giggled at her expression. “Surprised?”  
   “This is gorgeous”, she managed after a few more seconds of silence. Right now she didn’t even care whether he would tease her with this for the next century to come. “I didn’t know something like this existed here. It’s just spring… I didn’t think anything would be blooming like this yet.” She looked at him. “How did you know?”  
   “I’m an Undertaker, my dear. People die all the time, no matter the season or the circumstances. What would the world come to if I of all people didn’t know how to get a fair amount of flowers for their hair and coffins without paying abysmal amounts of money for them?”   
   She smiled and felt a bit foolish. “You’re right. It was a silly question.”  
   He crooked his head and mirrored her smile. “It wasn’t.”  
   Without another word he turned away and walked up to the flowers, pulling out a huge, transparent paper from underneath his wide robes. He let his gaze wander and after a few moments he crouched down to gently pick a single white flower.  
   Claudia followed him silently, feeling almost like she would disturb the flower’s peace if she spoke now. It took her a few attempts until she finally found her voice, but it was small, almost like a whisper.  
   “Are you… collecting these flowers for one of your… guests?”  
   “Yes,” he answered honestly. “She is going to be laid to rest later this day.”  
   “I see…” Hesitantly, she crouched down beside him. “Can I help you?”  
   Undertaker turned his head to grin at her. “My my, how generous, Countess Phantomhive. Go ahead if you’d like to.”  
   Claudia looked at the flowers blooming everywhere, trying to imagine which flowers would fit a coffin. It was difficult. She did not even know the name of the woman whose decoration she was about to choose.  
   “What… happened to her?” she finally asked, not able to make a choice without knowing anything about her.  
   “She was young, just a child,” he answered emotionless. The grin had faded from his lips. “She was found dead in an alleyway, killed with a knife. Assaulted and molested.”  
   A painful bang of both guilt and pity shot through her. So young… likely raped just before her young life had been stolen from her. Claudia was the Queen’s Watchdog. The piles of corpses around her were constantly increasing in number and growing in size. She was no good person. Yet she felt sick and sad thinking about what had happened to this little girl.  
   She got up and carefully moved around the flowers, looking for some that she felt would fit. She chose little white flowers she imagined could be used for the girl’s hair. Then a bigger flower caught her eye, white and majestic, and so innocent. One day it could be prettier than most of the other flowers here. Just like the little girl who had been robbed of her life way too early.  
   Claudia crouched down and let her fingertips touch the soft petals. It almost physically hurt her when she picked it. She felt this flower was mirroring the girl’s cruel fate. Young and innocent, not yet fully grown, but already robbed of life and bound to die and wither. Just like the flower she had just separated from its life source.  
   _I never want to pick flowers for the dead again_. She would have never expected to be emotional about the death of a stranger, but right now she felt like her heart would burst in her chest. It hurt.   
   “You made a thoughtful choice, I see.”  
   Claudia hurried to stand up, put up her walls and guarded her gaze once more, but she was sure Undertaker had seen the glimpse of sadness in her eyes. “Are these fine?”  
   “They are.” He took the flowers from her and looked at her in silence for a moment. “Shall we take our leave?”  
   “I don’t mind. We don’t have to.” They originally came here because he had given her the task to make him happy. They had just arrived, she didn’t want to ruin the mood. He was an Undertaker. He did this job all the time, day in and day out. She was in no place to mope.   
   Undertaker just smiled. “Don’t worry yourself, my dear. You’ve already given me enough to pay for the information you’ve requested. Let’s be on our way.”  
   When he turned back the direction they came from, Claudia remained motionless, looking back at the flowers for a moment longer. A gentle tab on her arm snapped her out of it.  
   “Aren’t your servants going to wonder where you’ve run off to?” Undertaker cooed, grinning at her.   
   “Quite likely,” she admitted and shook her head, silently telling this beautiful place goodbye. Maybe she’d come back here one day. “Fine. Let’s be on our way.”


	3. Embracing Change

By now, it had become a habit for Claudia to guess which coffin Undertaker was hiding in when she entered his shop. Her gaze wandered as she looked for clues, but she couldn’t find any – as usual.  
   “Looking for something?”  
   Claudia jumped in shock and whirled around, her hand instinctively flying to the knife she was hiding under her coat and pulling it on the man behind her. Undertaker just stood there with the same, never-changing grin, probably not feeling the least intimidated.  
   Claudia released the breath she had been holding and lowered her weapon. “Don’t jump me from behind. I am armed, I could have hurt you.”   
   Undertaker just smirked, paying no attention to her warning. “You have quite an impressive reaction time.” The cookie urn was swinging between his fingertips as he strolled towards one of the coffins and sat down. “You’ve changed your hairstyle.”  
   “Mh? Oh. Eh... Yes. I did.” She hadn’t expected him to notice, let alone to comment on it. She had always worn her hair up, but her previous hairstyle had given her a very strict impression and lately she had felt it made her look several years older. She had aimed for this when she had succeeded her father, but since then she didn’t feel like she had to make herself appear older anymore. As she was in her twenties, there was no need. By now people took her seriously anyway for the reputation she had established for herself.   
   “The previous hairstyle made me look older than I am. It was about time to change it.” A hairdresser had cut her a long fringe parted to both sides and the way she had put her hair up looked less strict, a few strands escaping the pinned-up hairdo.   
   “I see~” A loud crack echoed through the parlour when he bit off a piece of a bone cookie and a toothy grin spread on his lips. “I’d know how to make it even prettier.”  
   Claudia fell silent for a moment and blinked a few times. _Did he just offer to dress my hair?_ She _was_ curious. He was a man, but he was also an undertaker… He probably had dressed his guests’ hair more often than she had ever done her own hair.  
   Smirking, she crooked her head. “I’m curious,” she admitted. “All right.”  
   Putting the cookies aside he patted on the coffin he was sitting on, offering her a seat. She complied and not much later he was kneeling behind her. She could not see what he was doing, but she was willing to believe that he had enough experience not to mess up. She’d trust him on this as long as he didn’t pull a pair of scissors on her.   
   Gently, he parted her hair with his long dark fingernails. He didn’t even need any utensils. With ease he pulled a strand of hair out of her pinned-up hairstyle. On the top of her head, close to the scalp he started to braid it, slowly working his way down to her neck. He did the same on the other side.  
   “All done!” he exclaimed after a few more moments, getting up and returning with an old, rusty hand mirror.  
   She took it from him and tried to take a glance at her hair. It was difficult to see, but what she could make out looked good and neat. Carefully, she touched along the long braids and found they were smoothly connecting in her neck, almost as if it was only one.  
   “It looks good,” she murmured astonished. It made her hairstyle look more… complete. “I like it.” Claudia curiously looked up at Undertaker. “Where did you learn it? I assumed that men wouldn’t be interested in women’s hairstyles. Though I’d probably be horrible at it.”  
   “I’ve had a lot of time to practise. My customers are quite patient, you see~.” Another cookie vanished between his lips. “I’m sure you cannot be as bad as you claim either.”  
   “Well…” Claudia thought back to her childhood days. Somewhere back then was probably the first – and last time – she had ever braided something. “It’s been a while.”  
   Undertaker bent down smirking, his face suddenly only inches away from hers. “Want to try?”  
   “Me?” she asked in surprise. “I don’t know if I’ll manage.”  
   “Seeing you struggle is all the more fun.”  
   Claudia arched an eyebrow. “Why am I not surprised?” She shook her head. “Alright, sit down. I cannot have you making fun of me, can I?”  
   Laughing, Undertaker sat down once more, leaning back on his arms and grinning stupidly while she was busy inspecting his hair, wondering where a braid would look best. She decided against starting near his scalp and instead chose a spot somewhere near his ear. Hesitantly, she knelt down beside him and brushed away curtains of hair, careful to not move his bangs. She had never seen the rest of his face, but she imagined there was a reason why he was hiding the upper part. Maybe because of the scar?  
   _I wonder how this happened anyway…_  
   After a while, she managed to separate a long and thick strand of hair. His hair felt incredibly smooth and soft, but it was still thick and healthy. She imagined every woman on the planet being jealous at the sight of his hair. She found an odd joy in just touching it and decided to move on to actually braiding it before he grew suspicious.  
   After parting the strand into three, she began. It only took a few seconds for her movements to become surer, childhood memories and skills slowly returning to her. She knew she was taking a long time, but she wanted it to look good. Not only because she couldn’t let him make fun of her, but also because she felt like she should do her best after he put effort into her hairstyle.  
   The grin had faded from his lips. Instead, a small smile was ghosting over his features. To her surprise he refrained from mocking her any further.   
   His hair was incredibly long, but she saw it through until the end. She inspected the finished braid and fortunately felt satisfied with the outcome. With her free hand she dug around in her handbag for a moment, looking for some sort of hairband or clip. When she found one she carefully secured the braid and then looked up at his now grinning face. Casually, he reached for the hand mirror and took a look at himself.  
   “See~, it looks good, doesn’t it?” His finger slid along the long, silvery braid. “I’ll keep it.”  
   “Really?” Normally, she would have pointed out that people would think that as odd, but if it was Undertaker… It was so simple and innocent, it almost made him look less odd.   
   “Aye.” He grinned. “But you came here for information, didn’t you? The break-in near the palace, perhaps?”  
   Claudia smirked back at him. “Correct, as usual.”  
   He got up, leaving his cookies to stand on the coffin. “The corpses of the guards are quite interesting. They’re in the back room, if you’ll follow me.”  
   “What about your payment?” she reminded him, standing up herself and brushing dust from her dark coat.  
   “I believe you already paid me,” he answered simply, throwing her a wide grin as he vanished through a huge wooden door.   
   _Did I now…?_ Sometimes she wondered what exactly about the things she did made him happy. The fooling around? The sheer absurdity of most of the situations? The company? She was not sure, but then again, it didn’t really matter. Her visits here were no burden. In fact, they were fun.   
  



	4. What is lost cannot return

Claudia’s step grew slower when she saw the funeral parlour on the left side of the street. She didn’t know how often she had already come here. Probably more than a dozen times. As usual, she was alone and enjoying the walk through London. Staying at the summerhouse wasn’t all that bad anymore since she met Undertaker. The lonely walks and the occasional meetings were surprisingly relaxing and relieving.  
   She knocked at the door and opened it, already scanning the surrounding coffins for Undertaker. She paused in surprise when she found him sitting at his desk instead.  
   A grin spread on his lips. “Welcome, Countess Phantomhive.”  
   She was still dumbfounded. He had never sat at his desk when she had entered the shop. He was either in a coffin or he’d jump you from behind.  
   “Are you alright?” She asked bluntly.  
   “Oh my, are you disappointed I didn’t try to scare you?” Undertaker grinned, but he must have had noticed too that he took one second too long to answer. It was not just her imagination, was it?  
   “I imagine you’ve come here for information,” he continued, standing up and strolling towards one of the coffins. The cookie urn in his hand remained closed, even as he sat down.  
   She frowned slightly. “Yes… I did come here for information.” Shaking her head, she tried to cast off the irritation, but her suspicions had already been raised. “So, is there something you want to do?”  
   It had become a habit to ask him this question, but he rarely gave her a clear answer. The silence that built up in the room was again too long and it felt too severe. Something was most definitely wrong and she knew it.   
   To her surprise, Undertaker sighed and the grin faded from his lips. “You are quite observant, aren’t you?”  
   Apparently she was. “What is it? Are you feeling sick?”  
   He shook his head, putting the cookies to the side. He thought his next words over for a few seconds and when he started to speak his voice sounded… unusual. Softer. “Can I voice a different request today?”  
   “Sure, go ahead.”  
   He looked at his hands while speaking. He had never done this before. “Would you sit with me for a while?”  
   Claudia blinked a few times. If he was not feeling physically sick, then maybe he was… sad? Slowly, she walked up to him and sat down on the coffin, their shoulders only inches apart. Silence befell them once more.  
   “Do you…” Claudia started hesitatingly after what felt like ten minutes, but likely only had been two or three. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
   “There is not much to say,” he answered. She tried to get a better view of his face, but she couldn’t see anything but the long silvery bangs. He was fumbling with the mourning hair chain he always wore. “It’s all in the past.”  
   Claudia nodded to herself, unsure whether it was alright to go on talking or if it would be better for her to shut up. Then again, she never shut up and Undertaker was aware of it. He had probably expected her to not keep silent.  
   “Is it…” She pointed at his hand. “Is it somebody’s death day?”  
   He nodded in silence and she decided she would not ask him for details. Of course, she was curious, but not as much as to risk hurting him.   
   In the end, he continued on his own accord. His voice wavered. “I… had a family once.”   
   She hadn’t seen this coming. Claudia bit down on her lower lip and cast down her gaze. She could only imagine how horrible it was to lose the person you loved or your own child. She did not have children, she was not even married yet – and was not all too eager to do so in the near future even though she’d probably not be able to hold off the candidates for much longer.   
   “I am so sorry for your loss…” she answered truthfully. He kept silent.  
   She looked up at his face and wondered if the eyes he kept hidden behind curtains of hair were red from crying or if there were tears shimmering in them. The thought alone troubled her more than she would have expected.  
   Hesitantly, she extended her hand and lowered it on his long, slender fingers lying next to her on the coffin. When he didn’t pull away, she gently caressed his smooth warm skin in an attempt to comfort him. After a few more moments, he turned his hand over to intertwine their fingers, his grip tightening.  
   Something in Claudia’s chest fluttered at the feeling of their hands holding onto each other, but she dismissed the thought. They just sat there in silence and soon, she had lost all sense of time. It was a peaceful and pleasant silence. There was simply no need to talk, no point in talking about what was lost and could not return. Just sitting together seemed to give him the comfort he had sought.  
   After a while, he let go of her hand and gave her a soft smile. He stood up while she remained sitting on the coffin, her mind occupied by what she had learned. Her heart was still aching with sympathy, but there was nothing that could be done.  
   “My, are you moping for my sake?”  
   She blinked and raised her head to find him inspecting her. He crooked his head and smirked cheekily. “Isn’t there something you were meant to do?”  
   She looked up at him quizzically, having a hard time following the conversation. She practically felt the question mark hovering above her head.  
   This time, Undertaker started to laugh and shook his head in amusement. “You came to look at some corpses, didn’t you? My, what an easily distracted Watchdog you are, Countess Phantomhive.”


	5. Take a look to see the truth

It was rare for Claudia to actually have a day off. Usually, there was always trouble right around the next corner, but this time everything remained calm. She slept in a bit, took her time to eat breakfast and spent time reading a book. It was only noon when she decided to go for a walk, not feeling like eating lunch yet anyway. She chose a long route and after about an hour she ended up somewhere in East End, not far away from Undertaker’s shop. She had no business today, but decided to visit him anyway. Recently, she had always wanted to ask him something…  
   She knocked on the old wooden door and quietly entered the funeral parlour. For some reason Undertaker always knew who was entering so she had given up on announcing herself. Maybe the way she was walking or knocking gave her away. As expected, he was nowhere to be seen. She also checked behind her, just to be sure.  
   Her gaze wandered over the coffins while she started to stroll through the room casually. She had given up on looking for clues. He never left any, so she had learned to rely on her intuition. After a few more steps she stopped in front of an upright coffin and gently knocked against the wood.  
   A muffled laugh was to be heard and he opened the door of the coffin she had guessed.  
   “You are getting good at this.” He grinned at her, stepping out. “What gave me away?”  
   “Oh, nothing in particular.” She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “Just had a feeling.”  
   “Is that so~” As usual, Undertaker first made for the urn of cookies placed on his desk and then waltzed back to her. “So, what is it I can help you with today, Countess Phantomhive?”  
   “I just wanted to ask you something.”  
   Undertaker smirked. “You always want to ask _something_.”  
   Before she could tell him she actually wanted to ask him something not related to their jobs, he put the urn right under her nose. “Cookie?”  
   She blinked in surprise. She had never accepted a cookie from him before, but she didn’t really know why. He was eating them all day long so they couldn’t be bad. They actually smelled tasty. Also, she had skipped lunch that day.  
   She raised her hand and took one of the cookies, noticing the urn was almost empty. Carefully, she took a bite. Yes, she had to admit that they tasted really good. They looked plain, but they had a distinct taste – and they were incredibly sweet, just like she had expected.  
   “They’re good”, she said after swallowing.  
   Undertaker grinned. “I’m glad you think so. I’ll have to make new ones today.”  
   “Oh, you make them yourself?” She asked in surprise. Then again… Where else would he get bone shaped cookies from?  
   “Oh, I do~” Undertaker giggled and silently closed the urn. “Want to join me?”  
   Claudia thought for a moment. She had a lot of time on her hands and making cookies actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. She was curious how he managed to make them look so plain when their taste was so rich.  
   Finally, she nodded. “Sure. Why not. But I’ll give you a fair warning: I cannot quite remember the last time I attempted to cook something.”  
   Undertaker just grinned and strolled towards the door leading into the area of the shop he was most likely living in. He waved and she followed him through a narrow hallway and into a small, but unexpectedly clean kitchen. The oven was already heated, so he had planned to bake before she had arrived.  
   It only took a minute for Undertaker to collect all the ingredients they would need. Claudia observed his movements and couldn’t make out anything looking edible in the whole kitchen.  
   “Do you eat anything besides cookies?” She asked, still looking for bread, vegetables, meat or anything whatsoever.  
   “Sometimes,” he cooed, amused.  
   Claudia frowned. “It’s unhealthy to only eat cookies, you know.” The way she said it almost sounded like she was chiding a five year old boy and not talking to a grown up man. But still... “You might get sick someday. You’re so thin as it is…”  
   Absentmindedly, she touched his waist. His coat was wide, but underneath his clothing he was almost alarmingly thin. She had already noticed that on their first encounter – when she had tickled him – and today she realized it didn’t get any better since then.  
   After two more seconds she noticed that she was probably touching him way too freely and pulled her hand back. She turned to the countertop on which he had placed the utensils and ingredients: flour, eggs, some milk, lots of sugar and a few cans whose contents she could not identify. “So, how does this work?”  
   “First: the eggs.” He answered and took both a bowl and the eggs from the desk, putting them in front of her. Grinning. Waiting.  
   So obviously he would not just let her watch. Claudia twisted her mouth and obediently took the bowl and one of the eggs. “So, I just have to open them?”  
   “Aye.”  
   Claudia had seen the chefs opening eggs at the edge of their bowls and figured she should do the same. She reached out, but before she could crack the egg open, Undertaker’s fingers on her wrist stopped her. She looked up at him questioningly.  
   “You’re using too much force, my dear,” he cooed with a smirk on his face. “You’d spill it all over the desk.” He briefly cupped her hand with his larger one and stepped behind her. She watched how he moved her hand back just a tad and gently tapped the egg against the edge. After two more times, there was a noticeable crack. “Now, pull it apart.”  
   He let go off her hand and she complied, managing to do so without breaking the whole shell or creating a mess. She spent the next few minutes opening the rest of the eggs, while Undertaker prepared other ingredients. Fortunately, he didn’t insist on her having to do it all by herself. She was considerable slower than he was, it would have taken forever.  
   After they had mixed everything together, they had a rather big piece of dough. Claudia also noticed that she had been working so concentrated that she barely paid any attention to the ingredients they had put in. She watched while Undertaker rolled the pastry and smiled when he took two bone-shaped cookie cutters out of a drawer. He started off and when she thought she had a vague idea of how to use the cutter without leaving too much space, she cut out a few cookies too.  
   When they were finished there were a few left overs, but not enough dough to actually roll it once more. Claudia thought for a moment and then grabbed the remaining pastry, starting to form a ball while Undertaker put the finished cookies onto a plate. After a while, he turned around and looked over her shoulder to see what she was doing.  
   He giggled. “Oh my, could that be a skull, my dear?”  
   She grinned and continued to work out the details. “If it looks like one, it might be.”  
   “Skull shaped cookies, huuh. Not bad.”  
   He watched her in silence and when she was finished, he carefully lifted the cookie up to put it on the plate too. Not long after, they were back in the front room, the cookies baking in the oven. It would take a while for them to finish.  
   “So~” Undertaker sat down on his desk, crossing his legs. “What kind of information is it you seek today?”  
   Claudia blinked. She only just remembered that she hadn’t cleared their misunderstanding yet. “Oh, actually, I didn’t come here because of my job. I’m free today.”  
   Undertaker looked at her for a few seconds, his mouth hanging open slightly. This was the first time she had ever seen him dumbfounded. “But didn’t you say…?”  
   She nodded. “I did, but it’s not related to my duty.”  
   Undertaker crooked his head with interest and smirked. “I’m curious. What is it you wanted to ask me then?”  
   Suddenly, Claudia felt a bit self-conscious. For a second she even considered not asking him after all, but it had been the reason she had come here in the first place. If she just backed off she’d only make a fool out of herself so she took a deep breath and asked what she had meant to ask.  
   “I was wondering… why you hide your face.” She hesitated, only for a second’s worth but still noticeable. “And, if you’d allow me to see it.”  
   Silence built up in the room and Undertaker’s grin faded from his lips. The atmosphere suddenly felt tense and Claudia somewhat regretted she had asked that bluntly. He just kept gazing at her while contemplating her words. She was not sure what he was pondering over, but he undoubtedly was.  
   She cursed inwardly. She should have expected this to be a sensitive matter. Just as she was about to tell him it didn’t really matter, he interrupted her thoughts.  
   “If you want to know…” While speaking he straightened his crossed legs. “Then take a look.”  
   She blinked at him in surprise, but he made no movement. He just sat on his desk… waiting? Slowly, she walked closer and stopped right in front of him. She waited for him to brush back his bangs, but he didn’t. Did he expect her to do it herself? She _did_ want to know. So…  
   After a few more moments, she hesitantly raised her hands and lifted them to his face. She gave him a moment to reconsider, to back off or slap her hands away, but he didn’t. To not see a smile or a grin on his face was more unsettling than she would have thought possible.  
   Her heartbeat had sped up as she carefully touched his long bangs and opened the curtain of hair to reveal what she thought was the most beautiful pair of eyes she had ever seen. They were coloured both a rich green and yellow, so bright that Claudia wondered if they would glow in the dark. Long, silvery lashes framed his gorgeous eyes, the scar reaching over one of them and vanishing underneath his hairline after a few more inches. Surprised, she noticed that he didn’t have eyebrows.  
   She blinked at him as she became more aware of his expression. A small frown had built on his lips.  
   “I am no ordinary human,” he finally said, without breaking eye contact.  
   It was strange to hear him say that – especially because she would have agreed on that even before she had seen his eyes. But right now she realized that maybe he meant it in a different way.  
   “Meaning…?” She asked, a frown building on her forehead as she tried to find an answer in the colourful eyes staring back at her.  
   Undertaker fell silent for a few seconds and it was only now that Claudia noticed that the short hair on her arms and in her neck was standing on end with tension as her mind was reeling with possibilities and unsettling thoughts.  
   “What do you think it means?” Undertaker asked back, watching her closely through half-lidded eyes.  
   Those inhuman and yet so beautiful eyes. Almost too bright and too colourful to be real. Not to mention the double iris she had never seen before. Something inside her urged her to pull her hands back, but she resisted and left them close to his face, preventing the silvery bangs from falling shut like a curtain.  
   Her frown deepened as she tried to find words but failed.  
   Undertaker let his eyes fall close for a moment. When he continued, he didn’t look at her. “Want to run away?”  
   “Should I?” This time, her response came fast and naturally.  
   “There’s no need to.” She felt strangely relieved at his words. Maybe because that had been the answer she had hoped for. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.  
   Claudia was still at a loss. When he said he was no ordinary human, did that mean he was something else? She had never believed in the supernatural and yet here she was, finding herself unable to just deny it and laugh it off.  
   Maybe she would just need to go along for now.  
   “Alright.” She brushed his bangs to the side so they wouldn’t fall back into his eyes and pulled her hands back. “When you say you are no ordinary human, you mean…”  
   “That I am not human.” He finished her sentence and crooked his head, watching her closely. There was still not even the ghost of a smile on his lips and maybe it was because of this that she found herself unable to doubt him. The situation was so strange that she was practically waiting to fall out of bed anytime soon.  
   “I was human once.” He hesitated, watching her for a few seconds, candlelight mysteriously reflecting in the corner of his eyes. “I am a being commonly known as a Grim Reaper. At least I was one, a few decades ago.”  
   _A… Grim Reaper?_ she repeated in her mind.  
   She had expected to feel a bit more shocked at his statement than she actually was, but that was probably because her mind had not yet caught up with his words. She had thought he hid his face because of the scar, had expected that he might have lost an eye, but _this_ …  
   “Are you afraid?” He asked softly.  
   Claudia met his gaze once more, a bit taken aback by his question. She did not quite know how to answer this.  
   “I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “I’m confused. I’m not sure if I can believe that.”  
   He shrugged and absentmindedly reached for the urn, letting the tip of his finger slide over the lid. “That was to be expected.”  
   Again, a frown built on her forehead. “Why did you tell me in the first place?”  
   “Because it’s the truth.” He answered simply.  
   Of course, Claudia wouldn’t take _that_ for an answer. “You could have just told me it was a rare colour or… I don’t know.”  
   “It’s tiresome to come up with excuses.”  
   She did not know how to respond to this. Maybe it was tiresome, but considering the overall situation… How could anyone just come out and say something like this?  
   “I wanted to see for myself.” He continued unexpectedly, his gaze lingering on the urn sitting on his lap. “If you would be afraid and run from me when you found out.”  
   Something about the way he said this made her pause mentally. When she found the words to continue, her voice was lower than before. “What if I had?”  
   He kept silent for a moment. “I guess I would have regretted that I tried.”  
   “I see…” Claudia frowned once more, her mind struggling on the brink between denial and belief. “You’re not fooling around, aren’t you?”  
   Wordlessly, he rose his head and met her gaze. Suddenly his eyes looked even brighter and a shimmer of yellow and green seemed to dance over a silver strand of hair that had fallen into his face after she had pulled her hands away. She felt a tingle running down her spine at the intensity of his gaze. There was still not even the ghost of a smile on his lips. Undertaker had never been serious – not like this. And now she of all people, who had never been one for ghost stories or the likes, was standing here, still unable to doubt him.  
   “So… You are a human who was turned into a Grim Reaper?” she repeated slowly, taking his gaze for a definite ‘no’ on the previous question.  
   “So to say.”  
   “I see… Why… did you give up on it?” She frowned and reconsidered her sentencing. “Can you just give up on something like this?”  
   “I cannot return to just being human,” he answered and let his eyes fall close. “But I fled the society the Grim Reapers are associated with. I do not collect souls any longer. I am what they call a ‘violator.’” His last words were nothing but a whisper.  
   Claudia’s eyes widened. “You’ve fled?” Her mind easily put the puzzle together. “And… you’ve gone into hiding?”  
   He didn’t answer and she took his silence for a ‘yes’. Was that when he got the scars? When he had fled his duty as a Grim Reaper?  
   Taking a deep breath she sat next to him on the desk. She definitely needed a seat right now. She had been just standing there, but she felt exhausted like she had been running around in circles for hours.  
   Soon enough, silence befell them as each of them was following their own thoughts. After taking some time to think, Claudia raised her voice once more.  
   “Being turned into a grim reaper sounds like some sort of… achievement. Grim Reapers are immortal beings, aren’t they?” She thought out loud. She only knew stories and had never believed in them, but now she regretted that she never took a closer look at them. “It sounds like something you’d have to be chosen for. A trophy. But you fled… so it’s not like that, is it?”  
   “It’s a punishment”, he answered soberly. “Grim Reapers collect the souls of the dead to reach redemption.”  
   She turned to look at him in disbelief. _Punishment?_ The look on his face was hard to decipher, but his eyes held an unfamiliar hard expression.  
   Claudia frowned. “What kind of crime turns a human into a Grim Reaper?”  
   He shook his head in dismissal, making clear he wouldn’t tell her. And she would accept it. She could imagine why it would be troublesome for humans to know how to turn into an immortal and likely powerful being. And she didn’t mind not knowing about his crime. It was not like she would have judged him anyway, being the person she was. Her hands were stained with blood.  
   And yet she was curious. A being destined to collect souls to reach… redemption? Murderers, rapists, those who opposed God… Claudia believed they all went straight to hell. What crime was there that was severe enough to be punished for and yet guiltless enough to not be sent to hell for? To be given another chance?  
   Again, silence befell them. The atmosphere still felt tense and just as Claudia felt like it was about to choke her, she forced herself to speak. “It’s a strange story, but… I might just believe you. It’s just… hard to grasp. I might need a bit of time, but I guess I’ll be fine.” It was strangely calming to hear herself talking.  
   She felt Undertaker’s gaze lingering on her and turned her head to meet it.  
   “You’re not scared,” he noted, the expression on his face hard to read.  
   Claudia shrugged. “I guess not. Actually, what is freaking me out the most right now is that you haven’t been grinning for at least ten minutes.”  
   He blinked at her, surprise shimmering in these beautiful eyes of his and finally, _finally_ , there was a smirk on his lips. Relief flooded her as she felt the tension in the room collapsing. She mirrored his expression and only seconds later, both of them were laughing. She wasn’t able to hold it off and sometime in between bouts of laughter she thought to herself that they must come across quite mad. But maybe they were and maybe she didn’t really care.  
   When they finally calmed down, Claudia found her sides were stitching and she was out of breath. Undertaker was wiping his cheeks, tears dripping down his face from laughing too much. The smile on his lips reached all the way up to his still moist eyes, making them look even more gorgeous.  
   “This is one crazy day,” she stated and shook her head in disbelief. She felt like she had been hit by a carriage.  
   As if to remind her of its existence, her stomach growled angrily, complaining over the lunch she had missed earlier. She put her hand on her belly, but naturally, that didn’t shut it up.  
   “The cookies will be ready soon.” Smiling, Undertaker held the cookie urn out to her. “There are a few left.”  
   She laughed a bit at her dismay and took the urn from him. “Thanks.”  
   Slowly, he got up and brushed the bangs that had just fallen into place again out of his face to expose his eyes before her. The smile that had spread on his lips did not look much different from those she was used to, but the feeling it was emitting was stronger. He looked… sincerely happy.  
   The scent of freshly baked cookies had already spread in the funeral parlour.  
   “I guess it’s about time to take them out.” He said, smirking.  
   “Alright.” With that, Claudia got up. “Then let’s go.”  
   She could have had pestered him with dozens of questions about Grim Reapers now, but to put it quite frankly: She had had enough for today. And judging by his earlier mood it didn’t seem like too favourable a topic, so she decided to just leave it at this for now.    
    
   After she had returned to the summer house Claudia had some explaining to do to why her ‘walk’ had taken so long. She had just told her servants that she could not spend a whole day _not_ working so she had done some research. Needless to say, they believed her.  
   It didn’t take long until her duty led her to Undertaker’s funeral parlour once more and while walking she wondered if this one day had just been a strange fever-dream.  
   He greeted her with that usual grin of his, that typical attitude, but his surreal yellow-green eyes were exposed before her and sparkling as he held her gaze. So it hadn’t been a dream after all.  
   As she spent time with him as usual she slowly felt herself getting accustomed to the thought that maybe he was not human after all. In the end, there didn’t seem to be much of a difference between them.


	6. Merry Unbirthday

The summer went by slowly and ‘The Season’ was already getting the better of Claudia. She was so sick of seeing noblemen and –women that soon enough she found herself in the dark and dirty alleyways of East End, heading for Undertaker’s shop in hopes of finding some peace there.  
   Actually, right now she was in rather high spirits. She had managed to talk her way out of attending another atrocious social event, using her duty towards the Queen as an excuse that was not to be argued with. It was on occasions like these she particularly enjoyed being the Queen’s Watchdog. On top of that, she had somehow managed to coax her chef into baking a cake for her by convincing him she would need it as a payment for her informant. Undertaker was getting quite a curious reputation among her servants; that was for sure. To tell the truth, she could have just ordered her chef to do so without giving him a reason, but where would have been the fun in that?  
   She felt herself humming in delight just thinking about the gathering she would _not_ be attending today.  
   Just as she was about to reach the funeral parlour, the heavy wooden door opened unexpectedly and a middle-aged man left the shop. It was the first time she had ever seen someone entering or leaving the parlour – except for her.  
   The man must have noticed her gaze for he turned his head towards her. A gentle smile was tugging at his lips as he raised his hat in respect. She nodded at him and couldn’t resist the urge to look after him as he passed by and walked down the street. He… didn’t quite fit in. Just like her. Something about him was special.  
   She dismissed the thought for now and turned back towards the funeral parlour. After knocking at the door, she breezed into the room, ignoring the coffins for now and putting the cake on the mostly empty desk at the end of the room. When she was done, she aimlessly walked up to a coffin lying on the floor and knocked against the door. Just by the sound it was making she knew it was empty.  
   “Hee hee~. Close – but wrong.” The familiar voice was coming out of the coffin lying right next to her. The lid opened with a creak and she smiled when Undertaker sat up to grin at her. Recently, his eyes were usually uncovered when she entered the shop and so they were today.  
   “My… You look quite delighted today, don’t you?” He noted, skilfully climbing out of the coffin. He turned to look at his desk. “Whatever did you bring, I wonder?”  
   “Well, what does it look like?” She asked in return.  
   He grinned and casually strolled up to the desk, looking closely at the simple box. “My, could that be a cake?”  
   She stepped next to him, her arms crossed behind her back. “Precisely.”  
   He crooked his head. “Is there something to celebrate?”  
   Claudia shrugged, a grin tugging at her lips. “Not in particular. I’m just in a good mood. I managed to talk my chef into making this cake for absolutely no reason. I wondered who to share it with and here I am.”  
   Undertaker giggled, leaning forward to meet her gaze. “So~, let’s have a tea party?”  
   Claudia joined his laughter, her gaze lingering on his gleaming yellowish eyes. “That’s the best suggestion I’ve heard in a few days.”  
   While Undertaker put the kettle on, preparing tea, Claudia carried a second chair from the other side of the room to his desk, dusted it briefly and then unpacked the cake. Ordinary people would have probably been bothered by the skull and the urn on the desk or the spider webs decorating every corner of the room, but after all this time, this place felt more like ‘home’ than even the summerhouse.  
   When she heard the door opening, Claudia raised her head. Undertaker waltzed towards her, balancing actual plates, silverware and tea cups on his hands and arms. She blinked in surprise, examining the old but undoubtedly expensive dishes.  
   “I didn’t know you had actual tea cups”, Claudia mumbled in wonder. He usually used beakers to serve tea – much to the dismay of many visitors as he usually stored suspicious looking liquids in them. Or organs, she’d guess.  
   “I do~. But I only use these for special occasions.” While talking he placed the dishes on the table. He giggled to himself. “Also, it’s much more fun to see the shocked faces of my customers when I serve them tea in beakers. Especially when they’re too polite to decline it.”  
   Claudia laughed and shook her head. “Why am I even surprised?”  
   “I wonder.” Undertaker responded in amusement.  
   Before he could turn to leave again, she suddenly remembered something. “Oh right. I was wondering: That man who was here earlier… Who was he? He seemed…” She tapped her index finger against her chin, thinking of the right description. “Very… relaxed for someone who just visited you?”  
   Undertaker laughed at her remark. “I’m sure he was. He’s…” He thought for a moment, gazing at the ceiling. “An acquaintance of mine. His name is Alex.”  
   “Oh really?” She knew that there weren’t many people who Undertaker would have called an acquaintance. Overall, there didn’t seem to be too many people who just visited him for the sake of meeting him besides her. “He seemed nice. Maybe I’ll meet him someday.”  
   “Mh…” Undertaker made, grinning to himself. “I hope so. That’d be a lot of fun.”  
   As the kettle started to whistle he vanished into the kitchen once more and when he returned he was effortlessly balancing a steaming tea pot on the fingertips of his right hand. He walked up to a chair and pulled it back a few inches, offering her a seat.  
   “Milady~” He took a slight bow, the smirk never leaving his lips.  
   She raised an eyebrow at him, but decided to play along and took a seat on the old wooden chair. Undertaker filled her tea cup with the skill and grace of someone who hadn’t done anything else for years. He cut the cake and carefully put a piece first on her plate and then on his. When he was done, he filled his own tea cup too and sat down, crossing his legs under the desk.  
   “So”, he started, putting a spoon full of cake into his mouth. “What is it that got you in such a good mood today?”  
   “Oh, I’ve managed to avoid a social gathering that was set for this afternoon and instead came here. That’s a favourable exchange, isn’t it?” She smiled to herself. “I’ve also spent almost the whole last night awake after not being able to stop reading. I suppose I’m a bit jittery. My maids complained I’ve only been talking gibberish ever since last night.”  
   Undertaker laughed. The spoon sticking out of the corner of his mouth slightly jumped up and down with every word he said. “What kind of book would have gotten you all jittery, I wonder?”  
   She smirked and grabbed for her hand bag. She never left the house without a good book and today she had not either. She pulled it out and waved it through the air. Undertaker narrowed his eyes in an attempt to read the title and confirmed what she had been suspecting for a while now.  
   “Your vision is not all too good, is it?” she teased him. She originally thought he didn’t see much because of his long bangs, but right now they were brushed back.  
   Undertaker laughed, resting his head on his palm. “So you’ve noticed.” He took a sip of tea, his eyes never leaving hers. She wondered how much he was able to see as he never failed to hold her gaze. “I had good eyesight once, but every Grim Reaper is heavily near-sighted.”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise. “Really? That sounds inconvenient.”  
   He shrugged, another spoonful of cake vanishing into his mouth. “We possess skills to compensate for our blurry vision.”  
   Suddenly an idea sparked in her head. “Is that why you always know when and who’s about to enter the shop?”  
   He giggled, his eyes sparkling in the candlelight. “Maybe~?”  
   Claudia smiled and handed him the book so he could read the title. He gently traced the letters, smirking to himself. “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll... This book is nonsense.”  
   Claudia took a sip of tea and pointedly raised her eyebrow. “The world is nonsense.”  
   Undertaker laughed wholeheartedly. “I agree.”  
   “I thought you would,” she replied, taking a spoonful of cake herself.  
   “You are quite odd,” he noted and not for the first time. “You never cease to surprise me, Countess Phantomhive.”  
   “Claudia,” she corrected him.  
   Undertaker’s hand stopped dead in its tracks somewhere on its way to his mouth as he looked at her in surprise.  
   “Claudia,” she repeated, inwardly laughing at his expression. It was too much fun to throw him for a loop. “You may call me that.”  
   Slowly, he let his hand sink to the table. “Is that so? Claudia…” Her name rolled off his lips as if there was a special flavour to it. Something about the way he said it made her stomach flutter.  
   She took another bite from the cake and then studied his features for a few more moments, a smirk tugging at her lips once again. “So, what is your name? Or did your parents foresee the future and conveniently called you ‘Undertaker’?”  
   He laughed and let his eyes fall closed for a moment. When he opened them again an almost tender expression shimmered in his bright eyes that hit Claudia like a lightning strike. She felt a tingle running down her spine, the thin hair on her neck suddenly standing on end.  
   “They didn’t,” he answered softly, his fingers tracing the rim of his tea cup. “My name is Cedric.”  
   “Cedric…” she breathed. The sound of his name felt strangely sacred to her. Just as the word had left her lips, she realized she had probably sounded stupid. Too late.  
   She gave him a gentle smile. “It’s a lovely name.”  
   Undertaker – Cedric – sliced another bite from his piece of cake and returned her smile, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. “It doesn’t fit me.”  
   “It fits perfectly,” she insisted with a bit more force than would have been necessary.  
   He laughed, leaning back in his seat and taking a slight bow again. “If you say so, Milady.”  
   She playfully rolled her eyes to the ceiling, but could not stop the grin from forming on her lips. He was such a tease.  
   They continued eating, talking and laughing. When neither of them could take another bite, they moved together close enough to be able to skip through the book Claudia had brought together. Laughing and fooling around they dove into the world of nonsense that was Wonderland, dreaming away from the dullness of society, from this monochrome world they were living in.  
   It was seldom that Claudia found the world to be bright and colourful and it was strangely ironic that a dark, windowless funeral parlour held the richest and most beautiful colours to her. As soon as she closed the old wooden door she could feel the rules of society losing their hold on her and making space for who she was inside, detached from her rank, her duty and anything that bound her.  
   She had expected the summer in London to pass by just as usual – loud, dull and frustrating -, but as it turned out, she never had this much fun before. And that was all just because she’d had the luck to meet this crazy, witty and inscrutable man that was Undertaker, sitting next to her and giggling at the March Hare and the Mad Hatter arguing over a broken watch.


	7. Surprise me

The next time Claudia visited Undertaker she actually had some information she needed to ask from him. It had become increasingly rare for her to visit him only because of her duty. Every now and then when she was free she just stopped by to spend some time with him. Her visits always followed the same pattern: She would arrive and they would do something fun. In the end he would ask her if there was something she needed to know. If there was, he would tell her and if there wasn’t she just left in a better mood than before.  
    Unfortunately – and Claudia couldn’t quite believe she actually used such a word in this context – The Season would soon find an end. Autumn was already beginning. She would return to the Manor and visiting Cedric would grow more difficult. She had to travel by carriage to reach London, autumn would most likely be accompanied by horrible weather and winter was cold and harsh. She’d also have to leave her servants at the summerhouse once she’d arrived at London. She was surrounded by them day and night and didn’t want them anywhere near when visiting Cedric.  
   Today’s weather already gave a preview to the harsh autumn storms that were soon to come. The wind was cold and effortlessly pierced through her dark coat, leaving her shivering and freezing. The first leaves, still barely tinted in the colours of autumn, were already falling of their branches, ripped off way too early by a strong breeze.  
   Claudia sighed in relief when she finally reached the funeral shop and entered the pleasantly warm building. Casually, she walked up to one of the coffins standing upright and knocked at the lid. This time, she’d picked the right one. She could hear it.  
   He giggled from inside the coffin and opened it with a grin. “Good guess.”  
   She smiled, but could not stop herself from shivering slightly. The cold had already sept into her bones and was still lingering.  
   “Cold?” He asked cheekily.  
   “A bit.” She admitted and breathed warm air against the palms of her hands in hopes it would warm her up a little bit.  
   Her heart skipped a beat when she suddenly felt Cedric’s fingers gently stroking over her hair. His touch lingered and Claudia raised her head to meet his gaze. With every moment they kept staring into each other’s eyes she could feel an increasing sensation of static building up around them. Her heartbeat grew frantic as the seconds seemed to stretch, but in the end he just pulled away and grinned like he usually did, a little green leaf sticking between his fingers.  
   Without another word, Undertaker turned and strolled towards his desk. Claudia was still at a loss. Absentmindedly, her fingertips traced the spot where he had touched her hair. The skin beneath was still tingling. It was a nice pleasant feeling and before she knew it she caught herself wishing he would find a few more leaves in her hair. Part of her instinctively wanted to curse at the feelings his touch – his mere gaze – could stir in her, but the greater part of her felt content with the current turn of events.  
   Maybe even eager to push ahead. A bit… daring.  
   “My, you look like you are plotting something.” Cedric commented amused.  
   Claudia blinked and turned to find him sitting at his desk, watching her closely with his head crooked.  
   “Do I?” She asked with a smirk, her eyes undoubtedly sparkling as she held his gaze and walked towards him.  
   He kept silent for a few more seconds before he leaned into the backrest of his chair, grinning up at her. “Most definitely.”  
   “Mh.” She made in response, their gazes locked. There wasn’t much need to think or even plot. The idea that was sparking in her mind came naturally, as if she had thought about it before. And maybe she had. It was quite a bold idea, she had to admit.  
   But as she kept looking at him she saw the same boldness gleaming in his bright and colourful eyes. Almost daring her to go on.  
   “So, what if I were?” Claudia pressed on.  
   Cedric grinned and opened his folded hands, lowering them on the armrest of his chair. “I’m curious. Surprise me?”  
   Claudia considered his words for a moment. _'Surprise me’ is it?_ She closed her eyes and thought for a few seconds before opening them again. In the end, she decided to just do what her instinct told her to do.  
   “Alright.” She answered and put up the most mischievous smile she was capable of. She had never been one for the coy act. “Close your eyes.”  
   She had expected some sort of comment, but in the end he just complied, letting his eyes fall closed, but not without throwing her one last sparking glance. Now he sat before her - waiting.  
   Silently, she walked around his desk and stopped in front of him. Her gaze wandered over his long, silvery hair and the braid she had made a long time ago. His face was pale, almost like that of a wax figurine. Shadows were ghosting over his flawless features, his long eyelashes glowing in the candle light. She had never thought anyone more beautiful than him.  
   By now her heart was beating too fast and nervousness was beginning to get at her after all, making her hands tremble with a strange mixture of excitement and anxiety.  
   Carefully, she sat down on his lap, her stomach fluttering as she passed the point of no return. Even though he neither uttered a sound nor moved, she thought his breathing had quickened. She rested her hand on his chest, just above his heart. She could feel it beating through the fabric of his robes, a bit faster than she would have considered normal.  
   Claudia looked up at his face once more and found that his smirk had faded. His lips were slightly parted and she could not help but smile at his absolute stillness. Her right hand remained just above his heart while she put her free hand on his arm for support as she leaned forward. Their breaths mingled and when her lips finally brushed against his, she could feel his heart skipping a beat along with her own. Through half-lidded eyes she saw how his eyelashes began to flutter.  
   She let her eyes fall close when his lips gently started to move against hers and left her breathless. She would have never imagined them to feel so warm and soft. Underneath her shaking hand his heart was pounding.  
   Eventually they had to break apart for air. The expression in his eyes was so passionate and yet so tender that she felt herself shivering at his mere gaze.  
   But instead of kissing him again she lifted her hand from his chest and gently cupped his cheek. “I’m in love with you.”  
   He just held her gaze, his eyes gleaming at her like she had never seen before. A gentle smile was tugging at his lips, making him look almost serene. Moments of silence turned into seconds and eventually reached a minute.  
   A crooked smile appeared on Claudia’s lips. Her breath ghosted over his lips as she spoke. “That was the moment you were supposed to say something in return.”  
   “Is that so?” he whispered back, smirking. “I thought it was obvious, Countess Not-as-observant-as-I-thought.”  
    Claudia could not help but laugh at his remark, shaking her head in defeat. “You’re terrible.”  
   He grinned toothily and she froze as his fingertips gently graced her cheek. As she lifted her gaze, she saw his gentle smile from earlier had returned. Slowly, he leaned forward and brought his mouth close to her ear. She felt his warm breath ghosting over her earlobe and a strand of hair dancing over her cheek, tickling.  
   “I love you.”  
   This soft whisper, these three words, stirred more emotions in her than she had ever thought to be capable of. Her heart felt thrice the size it was supposed to be, overflowing with emotion like a fountain whose well was too small to contain it. She blinked in surprise when she felt herself tearing up, but instead of crying she began to laugh with joy.  
   When he leaned back, their lips found each other once more. This time, his arms wrapped around her and she lovingly caressed his cheek as she revelled in the feeling of his lips moving over hers. They only broke apart when Claudia felt like she would suffocate if they didn’t. And she still regretted it.  
   Her eyes felt moist as she looked into his beautiful eyes. She felt a bit abashed when she suddenly needed to blink persistently to not actually have tears running down her face.  
   Of course, Undertaker just grinned at her dismay and threw her for a loop as usual. “Oh my, was it that horrible?”  
   She shook her head in defeat and laughed helplessly at her own embarrassment. “You really _are_ terrible.” And yet here she was, loving him anyway – no matter how much he teased her.  
   “Teasing you is just too much fun to let an opportunity pass.” He answered smiling and gently stroking over her hair.  
   Claudia just smiled back at him and following the next impulse, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He returned her embrace and as she snuggled up to him, he let his chin drop on her shoulder and leaned his head against hers. It was curious how her body fit into his arms, like the piece of a puzzle that perfectly fits into its respective spot. As if this had been supposed to be her place to be all along. Looking back, she could not remember a time she had felt this happy.  
   _So this is what love does_. She had never harboured feelings like this for anyone else and she had never expected to find love. It had happened so slowly, so gradually, that she could not even say when her feelings for him had grown into what they were today. Sometime between talking, laughing and fooling around it had happened, but it was only recently that she had realized she felt different around him. His gaze would give her goose bumps and his lips would suddenly hold a foreign appeal to her. She had never kissed a man before, had not even been interested in one. There were some noblemen who had made approaches on her, but she had rejected every single one of them.  
   Gradually, her heartbeat calmed down again and the nervous fluttering in her stomach subsided, leaving behind a warm feeling of peace and content in her chest.  
   After a few minutes, Claudia remembered their earlier conversation and turned her head a bit, smiling. “So, are you surprised?”  
   Cedric chuckled at her question, his fingertips absentmindedly brushing over her back. “Maybe~?” He paused for a second and when he continued his voice sounded softer. “I’m glad.”  
   “So am I.” She agreed, combing through his silky hair with her fingertips. After she had braided his hair, she had always secretly wanted to do this, but never had an excuse to actually do so. Now she didn’t need one anymore. “I’m glad you didn’t dump me.”  
   This time, Undertaker laughed openly. “Did you think I would?”  
   She thought for a moment. She had been pretty sure that what she had felt had not been one-sided. The way his touch had lingered earlier… When engaging in these long, silent looks she had thought she had seen her own feelings reflecting in his eyes. Interest, warmth, trust… love. It was hard to imagine all this being a product of her own imagination. And yet, she had been afraid.  
   “I didn’t _expect_ it. But I was afraid you would.” She confessed after a few moments of silence. That was probably what it meant to care for someone deeply, even to love them: Not wanting to make mistakes, not wanting to lose what was so important to you.  
   “You have a curious taste for a noblewoman.” He stated amused. “To fall in love with someone as disturbing as me.”  
   “I have the best taste”, she objected, her fingertip brushing over his neck. He shuddered slightly at her touch and she smirked at his reaction. “I wouldn’t want to love any other man. I love your humour and that we can always laugh and have fun together. I cherish your oddness and wit. Being with you always lightens my mood, no matter how annoying every other person around me gets. And to put it frankly, you are gorgeous. Your eyes are the most beautiful thing in the world and I could spend hours just looking at your hair. Also…” Her fingertip traced the rim of his ear, brushing the cool metal of his piercings. “I think sometimes you say things I disagree with just so you can hear me object.”  
   Undertaker’s chest rumbled as he started to laugh. “Touché.”  
   She leaned back and left her hands loosely resting around his neck as she grinned at him. “I knew it.”  
   He crooked his head and gazed at her with that charming smirk of his. “Of course you do. You are quite witty yourself.” Casually, he brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. “It’s good to know that we love each other for precisely the same reasons.”  
   Claudia felt heat creeping up her cheeks at the honesty in his eyes and words. Before he could notice the redness that was about to rise to her face, she leaned forward and caught his lips in a gentle kiss that made his eyes flutter shut.  
   After a few moments she pulled back and sighed softly. “I wish I could stay here.” The thought of having to return to the summerhouse was depressing.  
   “Then your servants would come all the way here to get you,” he replied, poking his fingernail against her cheek.  
   She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and sighed in defeat. “I know. I’d rather not have them coming here.”  
   It was only then she noticed that she was still sitting on his lap and even though she was not that heavy, she imagined her weight was getting uncomfortable. Carefully, she stood up and leaned onto the desk instead. He stretched his legs a bit and slid a few inches down on his chair, his usual wide grin plastered on his lips.  
   “The Season is going to end soon,” Claudia said after a few moments of silence. “I will return to the Manor in the near future.”  
   “Oh~ my, was that a hint of disappointment or is my hearing failing me?”  
   A cloudy smile graced her features. “It will be harder to visit you.”  
   “I see.” He nodded, his gaze wandering into the distance. He did not appear all too happy himself. She knew he wouldn’t stop her, but still…  
   “I’ve thought of something,” she started and his gaze focused on her face once more. “Right now, my duty is keeping me exceptionally busy. Even when at the Manor I will need your assistance as an informant frequently, no question about it. I have various informants in London who I will need to see too. I plan to arrange meetings in the Manor. Working together more closely should also contribute to faster solutions.”  
   Undertaker folded his hands under his chin, grinning at her. “Meetings with your informants at the Phantomhive Manor, is it? A bunch of shady characters at one place… Sounds like fun.”  
   She shrugged, the smile on her lips growing slyer with every word she said. “There will be a lot of shady characters you’d have to share my attention with, but I’m sure we’ll find some time alone.”  
   “You’ve thought that through quite cleverly, didn’t you?” he noted, standing up.   
   “Naturally”, she replied. “Do you think you’d be able to come?”  
   He crooked his head. “In the blink of an eye.”  
   “…” She looked at him for a few moments, narrowing her eyes. “You meant that literally just now, didn’t you?”  
   He winked at her, his index finger touching his grinning lips. “Grim Reaper~”  
   She shook her head, laughing. “Someday I should probably ask you for details on your abilities. They seem interesting. But for now… I have to take a look at a few corpses.”  
   Undertaker nodded. “I already know which ones you mean. Follow me~”  
   It did not take long. The cause of death was rather obvious – and all over their bodies. To kill someone with three dozen stabs you’d have to hold a personal grudge against this person or be insane. That was everything she needed to know for now.  
   Back in the front room, she turned her head towards the door and sighed. “Unfortunately I will have to take my leave now.”  
   Cedric’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. She turned to look at him in surprise, but before she could utter a sound, he had already captured her lips in a long and deep kiss that made her knees go weak. When he pulled back she had to muster all her self-control to not follow his lips.  
   “You’re making leaving awfully difficult, you know that.” She commented, a smirk gracing her lips.  
   “Do I now?” He asked in feigned surprise, but he could not quite stop smiling at her.  
   She shook her head and stepped forward to embrace him for a moment. When she pulled back, she gave him the warmest smile she was capable of. “I’ll see if I can visit one more time before returning to the Manor.”  
   “I’ll be right here.”  
  



	8. The Evil Noblemen

Claudia absentmindedly sipped at her tea as she looked out of the window where an early autumn storm was raging. Today was the first time Claudia had invited her most important informants to the Manor to work on a case that had recently come to the attention of London’s police force: abduction and human trafficking. These sorts of things were not particularly rare, but these criminals had hidden their traces more cleverly than usual. She wanted this case solved as soon as possible.   
   It was still early, but given that her first informant had already arrived she had already taken her place at the long table she’d had arranged in the banquet hall. She was sitting at its head while Lady Doyle, an elderly noblewoman who kept silent most of the time, had taken the place to her left. She had left one chair of space between them and had mercifully chosen the spot closest to the window.  
   Nevertheless, the air was already foggy and heavy with the cigarette smoke she constantly blew out of her lungs. Claudia had never seen her stop smoking for more than five minutes and it was a mystery to her how her lungs were still working at her age. She reminded her of one of London’s old factories that kept running and fuming every day, year after year, until they finally collapsed. Incidentally, she was also convinced that whatever Lady Doyle kept smoking were no ordinary cigarettes and had consciously refrained from asking her for details.  
   _I cannot say how glad I am to not have to enter the hellhole she calls her house anymore…_ The smoke in Lady Doyle’s mansion was so thick that her eyes would start to get watery. Entering her study for even five minutes usually resulted in a nasty headache and strange dizziness. _I hope the servants will be able to get this scent out of the banquet hall after the meeting..._  
   Claudia looked up when someone knocked at the door. “Enter.”  
   She was not surprised to find her butler Andrew standing in the doorway, taking an elegant bow. “Another guest has arrived, Countess.”  
   He stepped to the side and as a figure in black robes waltzed around the corner Claudia felt a smile tugging at her lips. Undertaker casually crossed the hall, approaching her. She would never stop being fascinated by the way he moved. It was both upright and casual, nonchalant and still strangely elegant.  
   “Welcome to the Phantomhive Manor.” Claudia greeted him formally and stood up from her seat by courtesy.   
   A wide grin was plastered on his lips when he bent down, poking his fingernail into her cheek.  “My, so formal, Countess Phantomhive.”  
   She raised an eyebrow at him and smirked, swallowing her witty remarks. His long bangs hid his eyes from her view and she had to resist the temptation to brush them to the side. They were not alone after all.  
   He giggled to himself and pulled back, casually strolling around the desk, heading for Lady Doyle. Normally, this would have been the moment to introduce them to each other, but this was no ordinary meeting and they were no ordinary people so she decided to just sit and watch the show.  
   Just as expected, Cedric leaned in way too close, a disturbing grin on his face. “Hee~ hee~, and who would you be~?”  
   Lady Doyle didn’t even raise an eyebrow. She looked at him unfazed and then blew a lung’s worth of smoke straight into his face. Claudia inwardly applauded him for not bursting into a coughing fit. He even managed to keep his grin in place.  
   “Margaret Doyle.” She answered with her deep breathy voice, remaining calm even in the face of his disturbing closeness. “And you would be…”  
   He crooked his head at her. “Undertaker.”  
   “Undertaker, is it…” The ghost of a smirk appeared on her lips, slightly betraying the silent and good-natured facade she usually wore. “What a convenient name.”  
   He grinned at her for a moment longer and then pulled back, stepping behind her chair and heading for the free seat between Lady Doyle and Claudia. Claudia had to supress a chuckle when Cedric raised his hand to wipe his eyes, the smoke undoubtedly stinging and burning. So he wasn’t that untouchable after all.  
   He had just sat down, when Andrew knocked on the door once again. This time, three men entered the room and thus the group was complete.  
   Claudia stood up to politely greet them. Lord Curd reached her first, a man in his mid-twenties, who had voiced his interest in her more than once. He was arrogant and blunt, a bit too simple-minded and careless. He had good looks, but he was tactless and overall troublesome. But he was also knowledgeable in the field of gun trade and he entertained good connections, so she tolerated him.  
   “Lord Curd.” She greeted him only to have her hand taken unceremoniously. She twisted her mouth in disgust when his lips shamelessly touched her hand.  
   “Claudia.” His impudence never stopped.  
   She crooked an eyebrow and slowly but firmly pulled her hand away, ignoring his improper behaviour and turning to the other two men.  
   “Lord Godwin. I am glad you were able to make it.”  
   “Countess Phantomhive, it is my pleasure, as always.” He nodded at her. The grey hair and the deep wrinkles made him look older than he actually was. Dark circles framed his little black eyes and made him look tired – and he probably was. He was the police commissioner of Scotland Yard, always busy. They didn’t work together often, but when they did they usually attained good and fast results. The adolescent man behind him was more troublesome.  
   Claudia nodded politely. “Sir Randall, it’s nice to see you again.”  
   The young man had a fierce expression on his face, downright glaring at her. His dislike was obvious, but he still nodded politely and kept his mouth shut for once. He was supposed to be Godwin’s successor and would it ever be troublesome to work with him when the time came. He was highly idealistic, loathing the methods and informants she – The Queen’s Watchdog – used. He had hated her on first sight and Claudia strongly believed he would continue to hate every single person bearing the name Phantomhive for the rest of his angry existence.  
   She turned to the table and pointed at the two guests that had already taken place. “If I may introduce you: Lady Doyle and Undertaker.”  
   The noblewoman just blew another plume of smoke into the air, while Cedric casually waved at the new arrivals, a toothy grin on his face. It only took one glance for her to know that he was already having way too much fun.  
   “Please, take a seat.”  
   She sat down at the head of the table once more and wasn’t surprised to have Lord Curd taking the free seat next to her. Sir Randall took place at the opposing head of the table, glaring at Claudia. He reminded her of a snake. She could almost hear the aggressive hissing.  
   _Oh fun._ She just wished Lord Godwin would stop bringing him, but she knew it was hopeless. He was supposed to be his successor. He was clever and worked fast and efficient, but he never ceased to pester her every time they had dubious honour to meet.  
   She opened the meeting calmly and with composure, ignoring both Randall’s glares and Lord Curd’s inappropriate advances on her. She started to present the information they had gathered and then gave the word to Lord Godwin who elaborated on what Scotland Yard had discovered. The victims of abduction were mostly children and young adults, older people were apparently of less interest for the kidnappers. Claudia suspected they’d use the woman for marriage or prostitution and the men as workers. There were hints that they had been taken to Asia. Most of them were members of the middle class, well nurtured and healthy, but not rich enough to be able to employ guards. The kidnappers were obviously looking for good quality while keeping the effort low.   
   “What makes you so sure that they are being abducted and not killed?” Of course, the most irritating questions always came from across the table.  
   Claudia glanced at Sir Randall, trying to keep her impatience with the young man in check. “Because there are neither corpses nor connections between the victims.”  
   Randall pulled his lips back, baring his teeth. “Maybe you just didn’t find them yet?”  
   It was Lady Doyle who rose to speak this time. She sounded just as dazed as one would expect from someone who kept smoking drugs all day long.  
   “I’ve listened... They say there were a few corpses of young men and women. _Those_ young men and women...” She deeply exhaled, blowing another plume of smoke through the room, straight in Randall’s direction. The young man coughed irritably. “They say they were struck by sickness, Sir Randy.”  
   “It’s Randall.” He replied harshly. “And anyway, what does that have to do with anything?”  
   Undertaker giggled to himself, rocking his chair forwards and backwards in a hypnotizing rhythm. “Everything. You see~, I’ve been making them pretty lately. Oh, they were healthy not too long ago. But they withered away. Struck by sickness, not by violence.” The grin never left his face. “You see, their hands…” Cedric let his long fingernails slide over his wrists. “And their ankles… They were all messy. Maybe the ropes were too tight on their skin? Or maybe they wriggled too much? Hee hee~, they got infected, quite a colourful sight you see~”  
   Even if Cedric had said it in a roundabout way, the conclusion was obvious: The deceased had been shackled before their death and the shackles had rubbed their skin open. They had all died of blood poisoning. The kidnappers had certainly not meant to kill them, but they had to dispose of them after they had died from sickness. They had been found by citizens in the outskirts of London, buried in a hurry. Rain and wind had revealed the corpses.   
   Randall looked at Cedric with obvious disgust on his face and Claudia decided to carry on before he could start another fight.   
   “Now that we’re all on the same page,” Claudia continued quickly. “It is likely that not all of the victims have left England yet and most of them should still be alive. We need to find the route they’re taking. Once they leave the country it will be impossible to catch the culprits or free the victims.”  
   “If their destination is Asia they’ll likely take an East route.” Claudia turned to Lord Curd who was playing around with a lighter, obviously bored. “I doubt they’d land in France or Germany. Would head for the East when their target location is Asia.”   
   “I’ve been listening…” Lady Doyle’s gaze followed the smoke slowly climbing towards the ceiling. Claudia had gotten used to her speaking pattern, but she was very aware of how odd it appeared to others. “Railroad tracks. I heard stories. Late at night, old trains heading to the East… Somewhere.” She blinked, as if she had just remembered something. “Norwich. Maybe Norwich.”  
   “Norwich, is it?” Lord Godwin frowned, taking notes. “That might be a good lead to go by.”  
   Randall threw his superior a glance that was asking for trouble. “But Sir! She did not even share her information source. How can you…?”  
   The older officer looked exasperated. “Because I’ve been working with her and the Phantomhives for years and her hints usually lead us on the right track.”  
   “We don’t even know how she gets her information!”  
   Claudia rolled her eyes to the ceiling. _Oh dear…_  
   “Sir Randall…” She tried to intervene.  
   But no, the boy had already set off. “Did you ever take a sober look at her? She’s drugged to the eyeballs. Only God knows what she’s smoking! This pungent smoke is probably enough to drug every person who breathes it in, did you ever think about that?!”  
   To her left Cedric started to cackle, ready to burst into a full-fledged laughing fit and she couldn’t blame him. This was ridiculous. Claudia didn’t want any part in this conversation so she took hold of her teacup and sipped at the almost cold drink just to pass some time. She knew what Randall was talking about. Lady Doyle was a shady character. Claudia wouldn’t have been surprised if she secretly drugged people to hear their stories. But that was none of her business.  
   “I’m listening…” Lady Doyle said for probably the fifth time this afternoon. “People keep talking all the time even when they don’t. They keep chattering on and on…” A slightly unsettling grin spread on her thin lips. “Don’t you hear it, Sir Radley?”  
   “IT’S RANDALL!”  
   That was it. Cedric burst into a laughing fit and his chair almost fell over in the process. Only moments later there were tears streaming down his face. A second later, Lady Doyle broke out into a high-pitched giggling that sounded like someone was about to get choked. Claudia tried to supress the smirk, but the sheer absurdity of the situation got to her. When even Lord Curd snorted she could not help but silently laugh to herself.  
   Claudia didn’t look up to see Randall’s indignant face or to see Lord Godwin silently resigning to the obstinacy of his future successor. She attempted to stop laughing but failed miserably.  
   “You are _all_ mad!”   
   If anything, his remark only made Lady Doyle and Undertaker laugh even louder.  
   Lord Curd smirked. “What did you expect? We’re no ordinary people. We’re informants for a reason.” While talking he kept switching his lighter on and off. “You could say we’re the Evil Noblemen.” His gaze fell on Cedric who was the only one present not fitting the frame. “More or less.”  
   Slowly, the laughter died down, but the unsettling smirks and the disturbing grins on her informants’ faces remained. _The Evil Noblemen…_ It was not such a bad way to describe who they were. Claudia smoothed her features, a more serious expression returning to her face. The atmosphere in the room had changed.  
   Randall’s face was coloured a deep red from sheer anger.  
   Carefully, Claudia put the tea cup down. “I suggest pausing the meeting so we can all carefully reconsider our positions. We’re not getting anywhere like this. We’re just wasting time we should be using on finding the kidnappers and maybe saving those people.” She glanced at the clock across the room. “We shall continue our meeting in half an hour. Feel free to take a walk around the Manor. Should you need anything, the butler of the Phantomhive family will be at your service.”  
   Randall had left the hall first and Lord Godwin stormed after him, obviously enraged. She was glad she didn’t have to take part in their arguing. In fact, this was making her tired.  
   When Lady Doyle stood up too, Claudia followed her example.  
   “I’ll be in my study.” She said before she turned towards the door.  
   “Claudia, what about a walk through the Manor? Only the two of us?”  
   She could hear the smirk on Lord Curd’s lips and decided to just ignore him. Without another word she left the banquet hall. She really didn’t have enough patience or courtesy to put up with him.  
   “How cruel of you.” He called after her, but to put it frankly, she didn’t give a damn about it. He knew very well that he was the one being disrespectful. And she was particularly fed up with his attitude and how he freely used her first name as if she had allowed him to.   
   When she had reached her study, she slumped down on her couch, leaning back and inhaling deeply. Half an hour of Lady Doyle’s cigarettes had almost made her forget how nice clean air could taste.  
   A smile tugged at her lips when someone knocked on her door. It was not her butler Andrew, nor was it Lord Curd. She could hear Cedric’s long fingernails scratching on the wooden door. He didn’t wait for her to answer, just like she didn’t wait for him to answer when she visited his parlour.  
   She heard him skipping through the room before he stepped into her field of vision, a wide grin plastered on his lips. “That was a lot more fun than I had anticipated. And we didn’t even get anywhere yet.”  
   Claudia laughed to herself. “Having Sir Randall present always ends up in trouble.”  
   “He’s an amusing young fellow~” While talking Cedric strolled through her study and let his fingers slide over the cupboards. His gaze aimlessly wandered along the shelves filled with hundreds of books. “So young, still green.”  
   “I dread the day he will succeed Lord Godwin.” Claudia sighed to herself. Her job would become so much more difficult.  
   Cedric cackled. “He’ll learn eventually. Eventually, his young ideals will crack and fade and he’ll become an angry old man. That’s how it always is~.”  
   He casually took a book out of a shelf, turning it in his palms and tracing the title letters. Normally, Claudia would have been irritated by someone freely touching all her belongings, but as it was Cedric she didn’t mind. It was fascinating to watch him inspecting everything like it was a precious token. Part of this impression probably emerged from the fact that he needed to use his sense of touch to compensate for his blurred vision.  
   “Though that man, Lord Curd…” He giggled to himself while inspecting her extravagant pencil sharpener. “I doubt he will give up on you any time soon.”  
   Claudia rolled her eyes. “He’s an insufferable idiot. I’d kick him out the Manor if I didn’t need the information he has.”  
   Cedric giggled, putting the sharpener back and then slowly strolling towards her once more. He brushed his bangs out of his face, looking down at her with his bright eyes. “I thought you would want to. Lady Doyle is a fascinating character, though.”  
   Claudia smirked and crooked her head. “She’s got useful information, but she’s completely befuddled  and that smoke is obnoxious.”  
   Cedric laughed, slumping next to her on the couch. “Oh, that she is. But she’s very observant and far more intelligent than ordinary people. You made a good choice on her. I would imagine she’s providing more wide-reaching information than most of us.”  
   Claudia nodded. “When we don’t have any clues or hints to go by, it’s always best to visit her first. She spends an awful lot of time on social gatherings or just wandering around the city. Gossip might be one of her main information sources.”  
   “The usefulness of social events…” Cedric grinned, poking his fingernail into her cheek. “Maybe you should visit a few more yourself?”  
   She shook her head firmly. “I’ll pass. I prefer the smoke and headache over pointless chattering any time.” She would never grow to like social events. Never in all her life, no matter how useful they could be.   
   “Of course you do.” He responded with amusement, his breath ghosting over her ear.  
   She turned to look at him to find his face only inches away from hers. The grin on his lips had transformed into a smile as he looked at her. Her gaze wandered from his eyes to his scar and stopped at his lips. Suddenly the urge to kiss him was almost overwhelming and yet she pulled herself together. “Aren’t you worried someone might follow me and walk in on us?”  
   “Mh…,” he mused, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can just tell you when someone approaches the room.”  
   Claudia couldn’t help but to laugh at his words. “Of course you can, why would I even worry? Grim Reaper, huh?”  
   He didn’t reply, but instead closed the distance between them and kissed her. The feeling of his soft lips against hers shot through her body like a lightning strike and her heartbeat grew frantic, just like when they had shared their first kiss.  
   When they broke apart, she was out of breath. She gazed into his gleaming eyes and could not help but to grin stupidly. So in the end, what she had planned did work out: They had found some time alone. He crooked his head and mirrored her expression.  
   Of course, they would still need to be cautious in the future to not raise unwanted attention among the other informants or her servants. But for today, there was nothing suspicious about him accompanying her to her study, so she discarded the thoughts for now and enjoyed what short time they had. Soon enough they would have to return to the banquet hall and continue the meeting of those who were to be known as the ‘Evil Noblemen’ from this day onwards.


	9. The rules that bind us

Today was one of those dark and stormy autumn days on which no person in their right mind would voluntarily set a foot on the street. Naturally, London was empty, almost like a ghost town. Almost.  
   Wind was pulling at Claudia’s coat as she marched forwards. It captured the cold rain drops and harshly threw them into her face. A lightning strike shot over the sky, shortly followed by a low, dark rumble that kept increasing in volume. Her hair and clothes were dripping wet by now.  
   She stumbled when a particularly strong gust came down on her, pulling at her cloak and almost making her lose her balance on the wet ground. She wrapped her arms tighter around her waist and continued on until she could finally make out Undertaker’s funeral parlour through the veil of rain and fog.  
   She knocked at the door and had to utilize all her strength to pull it open, the wind almost forcing it shut again. When it finally flew open, she had to use all her body weight to pull it closed again.  
   Maybe it was the strained gasp as she braced herself against the door or the persistent chattering of her teeth, but this time Cedric stepped out of the coffin before she could even turn around.  
   “Oh my, you look like a drowned rat,” he commented with a grin, strolling closer. “I didn’t think you’d set a foot on the street during this storm.”  
   No witty answer came to her, so she just stood there, her whole body shaking and her teeth chattering. Raindrops slid down her hair and face only to drop down her chin a few moments later. Her hands were so cold she could barely feel them anymore. There were a few seconds of silence, but she couldn’t find anything to say in her misery.  
   “… You should get out of this wet coat. I’ll dry it in front of the oven,” Cedric continued, a more serious expression gracing his usually grinning face.   
   She just nodded and he helped her to peel off the drenched coat that kept clinging to her arms. When she had been told it was supposed to be more or less water resistant the tailor had probably not thought that she’d walk into a full-fledged autumn storm. Even the vest underneath felt wet and cold. She was wearing a dress beneath that, so she decided to get rid of the vest as well. It took a moment until she managed to open the buttons with her shaking fingers and then to peel off her equally drenched gloves.  
   Undertaker took the clothing from her and disappeared into the back rooms. Claudia just sat down on a coffin and tried to stop chattering and shaking - less successfully than she would have hoped.   
   It didn’t take long for him to return. He was carrying one of his huge, black robes and a white towel. Without uttering a sound he crouched down in front of her and started to gently rub her dry, starting with her arms and moving on to her hair. He tried not to make a complete mess out of it, but it was already looking horrendous so it wasn’t like he could make it much worse. Still, she appreciated his effort. She gave him a smile she hoped would show her gratitude, but she felt it turning to stone on her lips, forced and expressionless.  
   There was a small frown on Cedric’s forehead as he looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong. It was only then she realized she still hadn’t said a word.   
   “I guess I’ve made better life decisions than to run out into a storm like this.” She admitted and took the towel from him to dry her face before handing it back. But it wasn’t like she’d had no reason to do so. She didn’t regret going, even though the harsh wind and rain had undoubtedly added to her misery.   
   He put his robes around her shoulders and she slid her arms into the huge sleeves. The fabric felt warm and soft on the inside, almost immediately making her feel a bit warmer.   
   “So, what made you come all the way here through that thunderstorm, I wonder~?” He asked much more seriously than usual as he leaned against his desk.  
   She lowered her gaze, her lips pressed together to a thin line. She opened her mouth, but it took her a few seconds to find her voice.  
   “I… I had an audience with the Queen yesterday. She…” Claudia stopped, not sure how to voice what she could still barely comprehend. As she continued she stumbled over every word and sentence. “I was merely there to report back, but she… She brought to my attention that… High society has started talking about me behind my back. I’m growing older, I just celebrated my 21th birthday… and I… I’ve been declining dozens of marriage proposals over the last few years… She…”  
   Claudia swallowed, letting her eyes fall closed. Her own voice suddenly sounded strangely foreign to her. “She said it would be improper for me to reject every single man proposing, especially those who would be a good match. She… expects me to formally accept one of the current offers in the course of the next week.” Despair rose in her chest like a tidal wave, pulling her under. Her voice grew thinner with every word she said. “I don’t want to marry any of these men. I don’t want them near me, I don’t want them to - touch me. I-.”  
   Her voice broke before she could even finish the sentence. Her throat suddenly felt unbearably tight and before she knew it, she burst into tears. She had somehow managed to keep herself together up until now, had just gone about her business like nothing had happened, but now that she was here she couldn’t keep it in anymore. Now here she sat, the high and mighty Watchdog, wrapped into a pile of huge robes, sobbing into her own palms and shaking with both cold and despair. She could feel what felt like a panic attack rising in her chest, her breathing first quickening and then failing her altogether.  
   “Claudia.”  
   It was only when she heard him speak that she noticed Cedric sitting next to her, his hands caressing both her arm and back as he tried to calm her down to no avail. She wanted to look into his face, to see his eyes, but her body refused her. She was unable to move, even to breathe.  
   His grip on her grew tighter as he pulled her shaking form up and into his lap.  His warm hand firmly held her head to his shoulder, the other one pulling her close until there was no inch of space left between them. She just pressed her eyes shut and held onto him.  
   “Claudia… Shh.”   
   She gasped for air like a fish on dry land, alternating between coughing and sobbing until she felt like she would faint any second. Void of energy, her breathing slowed down and slowly, she felt like she could breathe again. She gulped for air and the bright sparks of white faded, her vision clearing and the dizziness subsiding.  
   Her heart was pounding. For a moment she had sincerely feared she would suffocate. She had never been one to cry and certainly not like this. Thinking back to the reason she had started made her chest go tight once more, almost spiralling her down into the next crying fit.   
   Maybe Cedric had noticed too. He pulled her head back and forced her to look into his eyes. Those bright green and yellow eyes she loved so much. His hands cupped her tearstained cheeks and his lips gently brushed over hers, coaxing her mind and body into relaxation. It only took a few seconds until she went limb in his arms, shaking with cold and exhaustion.  
   When he pulled back she somehow managed to smile through her tears. “Did you just kiss me into relaxing?”  
   He smiled carefully, an expression of relief crossing his eyes. “Maybe?”  
   She closed her eyes as she felt the faint smile fading from her lips and anguish clutching at her heart once more. Two more tears fell down her face. “I’m cold.”  
   He immediately pulled her closer again, rubbing her arms and back in an attempt to warm her. She leaned against him, concentrating on the warmth of his body, the sound of his breath, the beating of his heart. If it hadn’t been for all the fear and pain and anger she would have fallen asleep right then and there.   
   She didn’t know how long the silence had lasted when Cedric started to speak. “Did you already make your choice?”  
   Her body went tense in his arms and her voice almost cracked again as she spoke. “I don’t want any of them.” How could he ask her if she had made her choice? There was no choice to be made. “I just can’t. Maybe if I talk to the Queen… Maybe… Maybe I can convince her to let me make my own choice.”  
   She knew she was being foolish and childish, but she couldn’t help it.  
   “I am no nobleman,” Undertaker objected, pulling her back so she would look him in the eyes. “I am only a crazy, perverted, old mortician with the reputation of being creepy and always knowing slightly too much.”  
   She swallowed with difficulty and shook her head, another tear dripping down her face. “No, you’re not.”  
   “But that is what I appear to be. That is what people are supposed to think.” He smiled tiredly and when she noticed the expression of pain in his eyes, her heart ached. “I am not a good match. The Queen wants you to marry so gossip will subside, so you can bear an heir, so you won’t lose your good reputation. If I were to marry you, people would never stop talking. Your reputation would suffer and so would the Queen’s. She’d never allow it. She’d certainly find reasons to chase me out of England if you were to even mention your interest in me.”  
   She could not bring herself to admit it, but of course she knew he was right in everything he said. And she felt terrible that she had forced him to say out loud what both of them had known all along. Of course, she could not ask the Queen for permission to marry him and risk having him chased out of the country. She had always known it was impossible for a woman of her rank to marry the man she loved. Even if he had been a nobleman the Queen could have had objections. Claudia had always known that someday she would marry a man she didn’t care about. And maybe it wouldn’t have been this horrible if she hadn’t fallen in love with Cedric.   
   “I’m sorry.” The words stumbled over her lips without her knowing what exactly she was apologizing for. Maybe for not being able to reject the Queen’s orders, for being unable to change the rules of society, for falling in love with him and dragging him along into this mess and for causing him and herself pain and misery. Maybe all of those things.  
   His face blurred in front of her eyes as she felt herself coming apart at the truth his words held. Thankfully, this time she was spared the feeling of suffocating. He wrapped his arms around her as she started to cry miserably all over again.   
   “Claudia…” He whispered softly as he caressed her back. “Even if this cannot happen… I am honoured that you would have stepped before The Queen to ask her for permission to marry me. And even if this cannot happen, I still want you to know that under different circumstances, I would have gladly married you.”  
   She closed her eyes and her mouth, hoping to keep in the sobs that were about to shake her body. A strange mixture of happiness and bottomless despair were raging through her heart. That he would have married her filled her with joy, but it was the knowledge of what could not be that wrenched her heart and left her in agony. Instead, she would have to marry another man.  
   She waited until she felt her voice was strong enough to carry her words before she asked the question she most feared the answer to.  
   “If I were to marry another man… Would you – still want to see me?” Her voice broke on the last words.  
   Undertaker kept silent for a few seconds. “Would you stop loving me?”  
   “Never.” She choked out with more conviction she had thought her thin voice could hold. “I won’t deprive myself of happiness for anyone. Not for the Queen, not even for God. I would never abandon you, no matter how many rules and principles I’d have to break.”  
   “See?” As he spoke, she heard the trace of a smile on his lips. “Neither would I. Why would I not want to see you anymore? It’s that simple.”  
   “I don’t want to hurt you.” A sob ripped from her throat after all. When she got married, she couldn’t just reject her future husband. She’d have to allow him to touch her, to... She broke into cold sweat and her stomach twisted at the mere thought, making her feel sick.  
   Cedric pulled back to kiss her temple while gently combing over her messy hair in an attempt to comfort her. “I will be fine. My burden is nothing compared to yours.”  
   She would have liked to tell him that she would be fine too and to not worry about her, but she couldn’t find the strength to pretend she was feeling fine. She wasn’t and he knew it.   
   Instead, Claudia closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his shoulder. “I’m scared.” She whispered, silent tears falling from her eyes and dropping onto his robes.   
   “I know.” He responded just as quietly.  
   But aside from those feelings of pain and fear she was angry. Angry at herself for being unable to fight against what she didn’t want. Angry at the Queen for forcing this on her as if the course of her life was hers to decide. Angry at all those blasted noblemen and –women who could not just mind their own business.   
   “Claudia?”  
   She opened her eyes as Cedric whispered her name and turned her head a bit. “Yes?”  
   “I cannot carry this burden for you… But I will stay by your side, no matter the odds.”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise at his sudden words and for the first time since she had departed from the Queen’s palace, there was a sincere smile tugging at her lips. She took a long breath and leaned back to take a look at his face. When he saw her smile, he hesitantly mirrored her expression. He looked very tired, the news she had brought undoubtedly taking not only a toll on her but also on him. She could only imagine the horror of having to sit by helplessly and watch your loved one crumble, unable to do or change anything.  
   Still, her smile remained as she leaned forward and brushed a few strands of hair out of his face. She couldn’t find any words to say so she just kissed him, deeply and thoroughly. She could taste the salt of her own tears as she moved her lips against his, but didn’t bother to wipe them away just yet. After a few moments, she felt the tension gradually falling off him.  
   In the end, she indeed had no choice. She would have to marry one of those men. There was no way around it. But she wasn’t the only woman who had endured this and she wouldn’t be the last. It wouldn’t kill her. She had pushed her way through many hardships, had fought vigorously for the title she held today even though many men had shown nothing but disrespect and scorn for her, a woman wanting to attain the position of the Queen’s Watchdog. This was just another part of her duty she’d have to fulfil. Sometimes she wondered if she would have been happier if she had not fought so hard to succeed her father, if she would have not been so obsessed with the idea of making a difference, of catching criminals and enforcing justice. Even though her duty had brought her more pain and distress than the life of a normal woman could ever have, it had also given her so much more. Instead of living the dull life of an ordinary noblewoman, she was able to do what she thought was right.  
   _If I hadn’t been this persistent, I would have never become the Queen’s Watchdog._ Slowly, she let her eyes flutter open and looked at Cedric’s closed ones and his long, silvery lashes she’d never stop being fascinated with. She smiled into the kiss as she revelled in his now relaxed expression. _And I would have never met you._  
   Even though now she would have to take another painful step, she was unable to regret the decisions that had led them here. No matter the pain, Cedric was still by her side even if nobody could know or see. In the end, nothing would change. She would just have to endure a bit more pain. Nothing she had not been prepared to do all along.  
   When they broke apart, she exhaled deeply and gazed into his eyes. Just seeing the smile on his lips was strangely calming, like a promise that everything would turn out all right.   
   Claudia raised her hands to start wiping her tearstained cheeks and sighed softly. Somewhere inside her this feeling of distress and fear remained and she doubted it would vanish anytime soon. But overall she felt like she had regained the greater part of her self-control. It was no use, she had to pull through. And she would.  
   “I’m sorry. I’m a crybaby.” She had not meant to break down like this.  
   Cedric laughed softly and playfully wrapped a strand of her hair around his index finger. “Crying can relieve our pain. There’s no need to apologize.”  
   She smiled at his words and wiped the remaining moisture out of her eyes. Her head hurt from crying too much. “I think I’m fine for now... I probably look monstrous.”  
   She raised her gaze just in time to see a wide grin spreading on his lips. Oh no, he wouldn’t… Not now.  
   “If I were to make a comparison… You look like a drowned rat with a particularly red head.”  
   He would.  
   With a swift movement she flapped the wide sleeve of his own robes into his face. Of course, that only had him bursting into laughter and falling backwards onto the coffin.  
   “You’re terrible!” Claudia poked him in the side, making him laugh even harder. “Couldn’t you at least have said something stupid like ‘you’re cute when you’re crying’?”  
   “I didn’t say,” He managed in between bouts of laughter. “That a drowned rat - with a particularly red head - isn’t cute.”   
   “… That’s it. You’ll pay for this.” Without further ado, she knelt above him and reached for his waist, tickling mercilessly.  
   He shrieked, throwing his head to the side and wriggling underneath her. It only took seconds until he was crying tears of laughter.  
   “You’re gonna kill me!” He squeaked laughing, trying to blindly catch her hands, but failing miserably.  
   “I thought you were immortal.” She countered, a smirk pulling at her lips.  
   Undertaker opened his mouth to reply, but in the end he could only continue laughing, his head growing redder by the second. Finally, she stopped and he slumped back on the lid of the coffin, breathing heavily but nevertheless grinning.  
   She smiled at his bright red, tearstained face. “You’re right. A drowned rat with a particularly red head is indeed kind of cute.”  
   He laughed at her remark, holding his probably aching stomach. “And you keep telling _me_ I’m terrible.”  
   “Your sense of tact is.” She responded with a smile, standing up so he’d be able to get up too.  
   He grinned at her, but didn’t make any attempts to move. “I never said otherwise.”  
   “You didn’t.” She admitted and truth be told, she would have not wanted it to be different. It was one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him, however strange that might be.   
   Suddenly a loud rumble filled the air and Claudia felt the floor of the windowless funeral parlour shaking beneath her. Slowly, she turned towards the door. “I think the thunderstorm has gotten worse.”  
   He chuckled. “So eager to run back into the rain?”  
   She thought for a moment, then walked up to the door and opened it a few inches to take a look outside. She was just in time to see a gigantic lightning bolt appear on the dark sky, its form almost reminding her of a spider web. The thunder followed immediately, loud and intimidating. Rain kept drumming on the ground and the wind carried a mild scent of smoke to her nose. She let the door fall closed.  
   “No, I’ll stay here for now. It’s way too dangerous out there. It smells like something nearby caught on fire.”  
   She walked back to his side, but not without taking the cookie urn from his desk and putting one of them between her lips. As the sweet flavour spread in her mouth she could not help but remember the day they had baked together. Afterwards, she had seen his eyes for the first time. How long had it been since then?  
   Cedric was lying sprawled out on the coffin and grinned up at her. She noticed that he still looked exhausted. With a warm smile, she sat next to him and put the urn aside. Carefully, she brushed away what was left of the tears he had shed from laughing earlier, silently marvelling at his eyes. He let them fall closed as her fingers gently combed through his long hair, caressing his cheek and tracing his jawline. He looked like he was about to fall asleep and she was inclined to keep silent just so she could marvel at his sleeping face.   
   In the end, she didn’t find anything to say that would be worth keeping him awake so she kept silent. It only took a few minutes for him to drift asleep. The smirk had faded from his lips and instead, they were slightly parted as he breathed softly. She could not help but to smile at his peaceful expression, and soon she felt her own eyes growing heavy. Instead of trying to stay awake she nestled up to him closely, careful to not fall of the edge of the coffin. The huge dark robes she was still wearing covered her and him almost like a blanket. He dozily wrapped one arm around her back and she let her eyes fall close, listening to his calm breath and the muffled rumbling of the storm raging outside.   
   The thunderstorm didn’t subside for more than two hours and when it had finally passed, Claudia returned to the summerhouse where her servants waited for her. The roads leading to the Phantomhive Manor were flooded, so she decided to stay in London until conditions improved. That way she’d also have enough time to look at the marriage proposals once more. She didn’t want to, but if she had to marry one of these men she would make sure to choose the least obnoxious one.


	10. Let us melt and make no noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Wolfgirl44 and Robin_Mask for proof-reading this chapter :)

The next three weeks were busy and seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Once she had chosen one of the men and formally accepted the proposal everything got hectic, thousands of things tumbling down on her at once. She barely even had time to do her job anymore. But as it was the Queen herself who had caused her all this trouble, she had also lessened her workload – much to Claudia’s dismay. She did not find the time to stop by at Cedric’s shop once and she did not even have an excuse to gather the Evil Noblemen at the Manor. It was maddening.  
   It was only now that she had managed to get one free afternoon and only because she had firmly insisted on one. The last few weeks had been terribly exhausting and her servants had realized that by now she was on her last legs. After she had screamed at her butler that she wanted “three goddamn hours of peace” and that she didn’t care for “these blasted wedding preparations,” nobody had objected when she had taken a carriage and left for London. She had gotten off at the Phantomhive’s summerhouse and from there on she had walked alone straight to Undertaker’s shop.  
   She knocked at the door and entered. The door mercifully clicked shut; shutting out the world and all the trouble she had to keep up with lately. The peace this dark, crumbling place filled with coffins and spider webs brought her was almost absurd. She would have preferred it over any other place in the world.  
   Claudia let her gaze wander, inspecting the coffins and in the end chose one that stood upright, a few steps away from her. Gently, she knocked against the dark wood and when the coffin opened she stepped in to embrace Cedric before he could even utter a sound – let alone step out.  
   “Oh~ my.” He laughed, wrapping his arms around her in return. “I didn’t know you were that eager to get into one of my custom-made coffins~”  
   She smiled against his robes. “I don’t mind as long as you’re in there too.”  
   “Is that so~?” He chuckled and after a few more seconds Claudia let go and stepped out so he could do the same. Casually, he walked up to his desk and sat down on the edge. “I heard you’ve been busy lately.”  
   She sighed, grabbing his cookie urn and sitting down next to him. “So you’ve heard.”  
   “Of course I would, Countess Phantomhive.” He smirked down at her. “You’re quite famous, you see~? People are talking, even here.”  
   “I wish they wouldn’t.” She took a bite of the cookie in her hand, chewing angrily. “I still cannot believe this is happening. I’ve not been given a break for three weeks even though the Queen didn’t hand me _any_ new work. I didn’t even have an excuse to come here or busy myself with anything else but marriage preparations.”  
   “She was eager to marry you off, it seems.” He noted, grabbing a cookie too.  
   She sighed once more, rubbing her temple in exasperation. “That insufferable woman…”  
   It was not proper to talk about the Queen of the United Kingdom like this, but right now she couldn’t have cared less. She was driving her mad.  
   There were a few moments of silence, before Cedric rose to spoke once more. His voice sounded much more serious than it usually did. “Are you alright…?”  
   She shrugged helplessly, her chest going tight with fear and misery, but not so badly as to overwhelm her. “I don’t want this. I’m scared and angry, but I’ll have to push through. I just have to keep going.”  
   There was not much for him to say in response so he took hold of her hand in a comforting manner and gently stroked it with his thumb.  
   Slowly, she shook her head and put the cookie urn aside. “I’ve got two more days… Until I get married.”  
   “I know.” There was still no smile or grin on his lips. “Are you satisfied with the choice you made?”  
   She shrugged. “I made sure to choose someone who is not secretly aiming to acquire the title of the Queen’s Watchdog by marrying me like most of those who proposed. We’re the same age and he’s the head of a company that is producing sweets. It would be a good addition to the Funtom Company. He’s a reasonable and respectful man who would care for his family. He has good reputation and he patiently and meekly signed a dozen of my ludicrous agreements regulating legacy and anything I could think of in triplicate. He’s a good-natured idiot and he won’t get in the way of my work. Even if he were to ask the Queen for my title she would certainly decline. Overall, he’s pretty clueless. He wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”  
   “That doesn’t sound like such a bad catch.” Cedric noticed and he was right: most men wouldn’t have signed these agreements. She read them over twenty times, but there were no loopholes. “You still don’t seem satisfied.”  
   She sighed to herself, a frown building on her forehead. “He’s polite and tactful, always prim and proper. He’s got no humour whatsoever. He doesn’t have any interests except running his company and he probably never touched a book. He’s honest and downright, but also slightly dense. He’s got average looks, but he is _so_ boring. He never complains about _anything_ , he’s overwhelmingly friendly…” She sighed once more, realizing where this was going.  
   “He’s not you,” she ended, her voice not louder than a whisper. It was as simple as that. He could have been a perfect match for her, but he was not Cedric and she didn’t want him. And that was all there was to it.  
   “I see~”  
   Claudia was surprised as she noticed he sounded almost … glad? She looked up to find him smiling at her.  
   “You look happier than I would have expected.”  
   He shrugged, his fingertip sliding over the lid of the cookie urn as he avoided her gaze. “I’m glad he doesn’t appeal to you.”  
   For a moment Claudia sat there, blinking at him in surprise. Only slowly she realized that maybe his burden was weighing heavier on his shoulders than he let on. Silently, she wondered if he had been afraid to lose her when she hadn’t visited for three weeks. He certainly would not have told her. She realized he would have probably not run after her either.  
   A few seconds of silence passed before she got up and stepped in front of him. She brushed her lips against his in a gentle kiss, hoping it could convey her feelings, her love, but also the distress she felt in the face of what was soon to come. When she pulled back, she gazed into his bright shimmering eyes. “I love you.”  
   He smiled at her, but again, there was an expression of exhaustion he only seemed to wear when he was troubled. She wrapped her arms around him and he leaned into her embrace, welcoming the comfort she was offering him. He exhaled deeply and when they pulled apart, his charming smirk had returned. He crooked his head at her as he caught a strand of her hair between his fingertips and playfully twirled it until it was heavily curled. She laughed and shook her head, grinning.  
   It was only now that a thought returned to her, that she had banished from her mind for the past few minutes and the grin faded from her lips.  
   She had no clue how to say this. She didn’t even know if she would manage to say it at all, but it was too important for her to not at least ask. So she had to. At least had to try.  
   Cedric pulled his hand away, waiting. Of course, he had long since noticed her struggle. _He_ was not dense after all.  
   “Can I… Can I ask you for something?”  
   He tilted his head to the other side, still waiting. “I’m all ears.”  
   She swallowed and avoided his gaze. She was unable to look at him. “As you know… I will marry in two days. And I was wondering–”  
   The next words got stuck in her throat. She tried it again, but it was so embarrassing, she couldn’t say it out loud. She had been taught all her life to never, _never_ , under any circumstances talk about this. Best to not even _think_ about it. And now here she was.  
   Only when she let her voice die down to a whisper, she managed to say what she thought would choke her otherwise.  
   “I will… Wedding night.” She felt heat creeping into her cheeks and she continued before the silence could get any more awkward. “I don’t want – I never – I…” She swallowed one more time. “It’s the first time I’d… And I… don’t want… it to be with him.”  
   Silence built up and she could not help but keep staring at the floor. Her heartbeat was frantic and she felt like her head was turning a rather bright shade of red.  
   _Good work, Countess Phantomhive_ , she sarcastically thought to herself. _Very eloquent._  
   “So before… you want to be with me…?”  
   Hearing him say it out loud almost made her turn around and run out of the parlour so she could hide in the next alleyway and die there in peace.  
   “I know I’m not supposed to say this. It’s a selfish request…” she continued, wringing her hands as she had no idea what else to do with them. “And I’m not expecting you to... I just… wanted to ask… before it’s too late.”  
   Cedric chuckled, his hand coming up to her face and gently pulling her chin up so she would look him in the eyes. He smiled. “It’s not selfish and there is no need to be ashamed.”  
   He said it like it was no big deal, but her head was still burning with embarrassment. She nervously fumbled with her own fingers as she waited for his answer.  
   The expression in his eyes turned softer as he chuckled slightly. “Of course I would.”  
   “You would?” she repeated in disbelief.  
   This time, he laughed openly. “Is it that surprising?”  
   She was not sure how to answer this. The thought had never crossed her mind before and she had never wondered if it had crossed his. Only recently, when she had realized that there was no way around the wedding night she already dreaded, she had realized that time kept ticking away. If there was no way she could fight against this, she wanted at least the first time to be her own choice. With the man she loved.  
   The truth and consequences of his words only came to her slowly and her train of thought derailed as realization hit her. She would marry in two days, so there was no way she could come back here again. That meant… they’d have to… now.  
   _Oh god_. She had no idea what to do. _I didn’t think that through, did I?_  
   So in the end she stood there, staring at him like an increasingly panicked rabbit. She felt her face going an even deeper shade of red and when she couldn’t hold his gaze anymore she buried her face in her palms. Never before in her life had she been so convinced that she could drop dead from shame. And it didn’t sound like such a bad thing right now.  
   There was a moment worth of silence before Cedric burst into laughter and she couldn’t blame him. She could feel even the tips of her ears turning bright red. She really hadn’t been prepared for this at all. She had not thought further than asking him. That alone had already seemed like an insurmountable obstacle to her.  
   “Claudia…” He chuckled as he got up from the desk, gently wrapping his arms around her rigid form. She probably felt like a stone statue in his hands. His lips gently touched her burning forehead and his fingers slid over her back in a way that felt different from before. Claudia inhaled sharply when his lips brushed the tip of her ear, a foreign feeling shooting through her body and blooming somewhere in her abdomen.  
   She forced herself to put down her hands and told herself that she was an adult and should be able to handle this without making a complete fool out of herself. It wasn’t like she didn’t _want_ to…She simply didn’t feel prepared.  
   Her stomach fluttered with an unknown nervousness as Cedric leaned in to kiss her. There was nothing different about it and yet it felt different.  
   When they broke apart, she took a deep breath. “When we…” She left the sentence unfinished. That was starting to become a habit. “Is it possible… I’ll become pregnant?” He was not human after all, even though it was easy to forget.  
   “Yes.” He answered faithfully, the expression on his face once again serious.  
   She nodded slowly. “If I were to become pregnant… What about the child? Would it…” She did not know how to word it, but he caught on anyway.  
   “The society the Grim Reapers work for prohibits us to have children, so there aren’t many examples of infants whose fathers had been Grim Reapers.” He started out. “There are a few who broke that rule, of course. The infants who emerged from those relations were in good health and appeared like normal humans, both in appearance and in behaviour. Though a few Grim Reapers reported feeling something… unusual around them. Most do not seem to be sensitive enough to notice it, but some of these children seem to bear a kind of latent potential. I’ve never heard of anything unusual happening to them though.”  
   Again, she nodded and thought for a moment. Undertaker had said that all of them had been human once, so it didn’t seem too curious that the children they produced were human as well. Except for their eyes and the abilities they had gained, they were still human after all.  
   “Would you like to reconsider?” He asked after a few seconds of silence.  
   She shook her head. “No.”  
   Even if she became pregnant, she would marry in two days. Nobody should be able to tell the child was not from her husband to be. And if she had been given the choice she would want her child to be from the man she loved.  
   She raised her head and smiled at him sheepishly. “I’d love to have your child.”  
   His eyes seemed to widen for a second’s worth, but then he simply crooked his head and smiled back at her. “Is that so?”  
   There were a few moments of silence before Cedric stepped back from her and walked up to the front door of the parlour. He locked up the shop to prevent any unwanted guests from entering and hung up the old and rusty key on a protruding nail in the wall next to the door.  
   Claudia watched him in silence as he turned towards her once more and smirked. She did not know what to say or do so she merely stood there and waited for something to happen. Wordlessly, Cedric crossed the room and headed for the wooden door leading into the area where he lived. It took her a second to react, before she quickly stumbled after him and followed him through the dark and narrow hallway she had entered only a few times since she had met him. They passed the kitchen and entered the room past the door at the end of the short corridor.  
   She stood still and let her gaze wander for a moment. The room was not huge, but it felt strangely… comfortable. She couldn’t make out even one spider web, but a lot of dust. There was an old couch with an equally antique side table and bunches of shelves, mainly filled with books, antiques and little cans whose contents she could only guess on. On top of one of the shelves she saw a skull and she could not help smiling to herself. Of course. How very like him. To her left there was a rather huge bed with white sheets and various pillows lying around on it.  
   She took a deep breath to calm herself and slowly but firmly closed the door behind her. She was still nervous, her stomach fluttering and her heart beating too fast. But it wasn’t necessarily a bad kind of nervous.  
   Cedric casually strolled through the room, opening the buttons of his wide black robe and then taking them off to reveal a much tighter and shorter robe that clung to his lean figure, emphasizing his slim waist, his chest and his arms. She had never before noticed how high his boots were. They even reached over his knees.  
   He put the piece of cloth on a chair standing close to the bed and grinned at her when he noticed her staring. This time, she didn’t avoid his gaze, but held it and watched him sitting down on the edge of the bed. Waiting. Observing.  
   She hesitated for a moment longer and then mirrored his actions, unbuttoning her coat and putting it on the nearby couch before walking up to him, her long dress waving around her legs with every step she did.  
   For a second, she simply stood there, unsure of what to do next. He didn’t make any movement either so in the end, she followed her instincts and kneeled down in front of him, her fingers hesitantly touching his high leather boots. She silently mused how she had never noticed that they were _this_ high. Slowly, she started to open the countless clasps keeping them up.  
   She felt calmer now. There was an odd joy in undoing his shoes and marvelling at his thin legs, secretly waiting for the moment she could actually touch them. After she had opened the clasps, she gently started to pull the boot off. He raised his leg a few inches to help her, but other than that he kept still. She looked up at him to find him watching her through half-lidded eyes, the expression on his face difficult to read, but certainly not indifferent.  
   Underneath the shoe he was wearing tight, black leather trousers. Her fingers gently slid over his knee, down his shin and when she had reached his foot her hand moved to his calf, slowly running upwards again. She could feel a muscle twitching when her fingers tickled over the back of his knee. She took her hand from his upper thigh and returned to his foot, carefully feeling for his ankle. Curiously she let her hand slide upwards, along his inner thigh. When she had passed his knee she could hear him inhale, the muscle tension changing. She stopped before she could reach anywhere, but silently took note of this spot. She had never done this and maybe she didn’t have as much of a clue as she would have liked, but she was aware that there was supposed to be more to this than the act itself. And she wanted to enjoy whatever it was as long as it was with him. This was supposed to be special so she would take all the time she felt she needed.  
   When she had taken off the second boot too, she attempted to open her own shoes, but Cedric’s hand on her arm stopped her. She looked at him questioningly, but he just smiled and motioned for her to sit down herself while he stood up. She complied and watched how this time he knelt down in front of her.  
   He was much faster to take off her rather simple shoes, but he took his time too. When he was finished, he gently caressed her feet, his right hand slowly sliding up her bare leg and pushing up her dress in the process. He couldn’t see anything but her leg yet, but she felt herself going red anyway.  
   She shuddered when he reached her knee and let his hand linger there, carefully moving it around her knee and lifting it up. His lips brushed against her skin in a soft kiss, his eyes falling closed. The foreign tingling sensation in her body set in once more.  
   Before she knew it he gradually stood up. He didn’t pull his hand back from the back of her knee but instead pushed his arm underneath it and reached for the other one too. He supported her back with his free hand and when he lifted her up, she wrapped her arms around his neck to regain balance. It was only moments later that he gently laid her down in the middle of the bed, almost as if she was a precious and fragile treasure.  
   He crawled closer and bent down to kiss her, deeply and tender, his hands blindly roaming her body. He found the various bows, knots and clasps he needed to undo to take off her clothing with ease. He didn’t even need to look at her dress. Somewhere at the back of her mind she wondered how he managed to undress her with so much ease when she could barely do it herself and it dawned on her that maybe this too was due to his occupation: his job to dress up his guests and make them pretty.  
   She had never before felt self-conscious about her body – to be frank, she had always thought herself quite attractive -, but she could not help but doing so now that her dress came off, wondering if she fulfilled whatever expectations a man had. While undoing her clothing he didn’t stop kissing her, his tongue gently touching first her lower and then her upper lip. Unwilling to remain passive, Claudia mirrored his actions, their tongues touching first gently, then more passionately. Cedric leaned down further to deepen the kiss, his chest brushing against hers.  
   In the end, she was wearing nothing but her short and thin undergarment, her dress discarded at the foot of the bed or on the floor, she could have not said. He pulled back to be able look at her, his eyes and fingertips roaming her bare skin. She smiled at the undeniable yearning expression in his beautiful eyes.  
   But she wouldn’t simply lie here doing nothing. She used his distractedness to poke her fingernail into his side. Instinctively, he twitched away from her hand and she used this moment off balance to throw him over. The bed creaked slightly when he fell on his back, looking at the ceiling with an expression of surprise that made her chuckle.  
   She grinned, crawling closer and when he met her gaze he smirked in return. She kissed him and started to fumble the long row of buttons open that kept his inner coat on. He certainly had proven more skill on that matter before. Soon, Claudia had to pull back to be able to properly reach the last of them. When she parted the coat, she was faced with another piece of clothing: a thin and dark long-sleeve.  
   “You’re wearing an awful lot of clothing”, she commented and silently mused how many more layers of fabric she would have to peel off of him today.  
   He chuckled. “All to keep you occupied.”  
   Smiling she let her hands glide underneath his shirt and finally, she could feel bare skin. He let his eyes fall closed as she moved upwards, caressing his warm and smooth skin and pushing up his long-sleeve in the process. After a few more moments, he briefly sat up to help her take it off. As he laid back, his upper body was bare to her gaze.  
   Just as his face, his throat and his finger, his chest was scarred as well. Her fingers curiously traced the flesh coloured scars and not for the first time she wondered what had happened that he got wounded so badly. She took her time to touch and caress every single spot and crease on his upper body, tapping her finger against his collarbone and moving her hand over his slim waist. He went very still when she brought her face closer to his body, gently planting kisses on his stomach, his sternum and his chest, slowly working her way up to his throat. She took it as a good sign when he let his head fall back into the pillow to grant her better access as she moved her lips over his skin. She felt him swallowing as she traced the scar with the tip of her tongue. His hands were moving in circles over her bare shoulders and held onto her more firmly when she reached his ear, her tongue hitting a sensitive spot behind his earlobe.  
   “You’re a tease”, he chuckled into her ear.  
   She laughed at his remark and pulled back. “You only realized that now?”  
   Cedric shook his head, grinning at her. “But I am too. So be warned.”  
   “Mh…” She smiled, her hand sliding downwards and passing the hem of his trousers, caressing his upper thigh and distracting him from whatever he had meant to do or say.  
   She was careful not to touch anything but his legs when she undid his trousers and pulled or pretty much peeled them off along with his socks until he too was only wearing underwear. She started to let her hand roam over his pale skin, beginning at the outer thigh and slowly working her way to his inner thigh. He inhaled sharply when her fingers almost touched the fabric of his remaining clothes, but moved back at the last moment. She couldn’t help but to giggle at how easy it was to tease him.  
   “You’re terrible”, he mumbled before he pushed himself up with his elbows to be able to kiss her. She didn’t pause her assault on his legs for one second and she noticed how he kept losing track of the movements of her lips, unable to concentrate on anything but her teasing fingers. She wasn’t sure how long she had pestered him until he gave in and succumbed to pleading.  
   “Claudia, please…” He mumbled against her lips with his eyes closed, his voice sounding unfamiliar hoarse.  “Touch me.”  
   She smiled at the expression on his face. Her heartbeat quickened as she deepened the kiss and when she complied, he gasped into her mouth.  
   From this moment on, things picked up speed. It wasn’t long after until she found herself lying on her back once more, the rest of their clothes discarded as well. Hands roamed bare skin and their movements and kisses became more eager and passionate. The sensations his hands and lips stirred in her body were foreign and so intense that they took her off guard. She could not help but to writhe and shake underneath his touch. At times she caught herself thinking that if this was how it felt to lose one’s mind she’d gladly give up her sanity for now.  
   Claudia knew that what was bound to come next was going to hurt. She had read about it, she had been told so and in truth, she was a bit scared of the sheer idea, the sheer concept of how intercourse worked.  
   He kissed her when he started, gently caressing her hair and neck. Just when it began to hurt, he stopped and pulled back the millimetres he had moved only to slowly move forward again. She realized she held her breath, her body completely rigid and her muscles tense. She tried her best to breathe calmly, relieved that there was no force in his movements, no impatience. Slowly but surely, her body relaxed and with every movement of his her muscles’ resistance subsided, an odd friction building up between them. And then, finally, her body lowered its defences far enough for them to overcome this last obstacle. Soft gasps resounded in the room as she felt them melting with one another.  
  
At the end of it all, Claudia had completely lost track of time and she found neither the energy nor the motivation to turn around and check. Maybe her butler would chide her for being late, but right now she didn’t care.  
   Her heartbeat gradually calmed down as they were lying underneath the blanket, cradled into each other’s arms. Their bodies were still glowing from the aftermath of what they had shared. She felt physically exhausted, her whole body still shaking ever so slightly, but first and foremost she was content. The pain had been nothing compared to what she had expected, easily outweighed by pleasure and the happiness she was feeling now.  
   She lifted her head a bit to be able to look at his face and found that he had let his eyes fall closed. When he noticed her gaze, he cracked one eye open and grinned at her. His face was glistening with a thin film of sweat and she imagined hers was too.  
   She could not find anything to say, so she silently smiled back at him and laughed softly when he reached for a strand of her most likely messy hair. “Is it bad?”  
   “Pretty bad.” He answered with a smirk. “I’ll fix it before you leave. Otherwise you’d have to be rather creative to come up with an explanation.”  
   Claudia giggled at the mere thought. Judging by the way her hair felt right now, it wasn’t all that pinned up anymore. She’d have to make up a tornado to explain this to her butler.  
   She knew that she’d have to check the time soon too, no matter how desperately she wanted to stay. After another few seconds she turned around a bit to be able to look at the clock on the side table. It confirmed what she had been suspecting all along: she would have to leave soon. Maybe she could stay half an hour longer and then hurry back to the summerhouse.  
   “Is it time?” He asked softly.  
   She returned her gaze to him and sighed. She really didn’t want to, but she couldn’t change it either. “Yes...”  
   As he made an attempt to move, she wrapped her arms around him more tightly and buried her face into the crock of his neck.  
   “Ten more minutes?” She mumbled against his skin.  
   Cedric’s chest rumbled as he laughed and he tenderly returned her embrace. She closed her eyes to revel in his presence, taking in the feeling of his warm, bare skin against hers, the sound of his breath, the beating of his heart.  
   And still, it wasn’t long until her thoughts returned to more unpleasant topics, no matter how hard she tried not to think about any of this yet. When she would have left today, she would only see him again after she would be married. A lump built in her throat, but she had built up enough self-control during the past weeks to not burst into tears again. But still, she could not stop the moisture from rising to her eyes. Without uttering a sound, she blinked the tears away before they could fall.  
   For some reason, Cedric still noticed her distress. He didn’t even need to look at her face, he just knew. Gently, he combed through her messy hair and pulled back a few inches to brush his lips against her forehead.  
   “I love you.” He whispered against her skin and she could not help but to smile even through her misery.  
   Soon, they had to get up and get dressed. Claudia collected her clothing from the bed and floor and put them on, fighting with a few wrinkles while Undertaker picked the hairpins out and redid her hair a few minutes later. He really was better at this than she would have ever hoped to be.  
   No matter how badly she wanted to stay: in the end, she left. The walk home had never before felt this devastating and dreadful. But no matter what, she’d have to pull through. And she would. They both would.


	11. The cycle of life and death

In the end, everything happened as it was supposed to. Claudia married the man she had agreed to and dutifully suffered her way through the wedding night. This ordeal was shortly followed by the next one: a short but nevertheless infuriating bridal tour on which she met dozens of relatives she didn’t even know existed. All the while she just wanted to go home to London, not back to the manor or the summerhouse, but to the dark funeral parlour she had grown to love.   
   Promptly on her day of return, the Queen had mercifully flooded her with work and thereby Claudia had found a good excuse to avoid her newly gained ‘family life’.  
   She had used the first opportunity to escape the manor and took a carriage to London to see Cedric, if only for half an hour. That day had been the first time she had ever found him standing in the middle of the room when she had entered the parlour, as if he had been waiting in exactly this spot for hours or days. There had been no smile on his lips, his expression one of concern and poorly concealed distress, perfectly mirroring her own feelings. There had not been much to say or do so she had just stepped into his arms and held onto him as they had sought comfort in each other’s presence.  
   In the end, life continued like before – just that now she was no longer living only with her servants but also with a husband at her side. Fortunately, he was just as busy as she was and he didn’t force any more family life or couple activities on her than the bare minimum. They politely talked to each other at mealtimes or when they met somewhere in the manor and afterwards they both merrily walked their separate ways. They had agreed on separate bedrooms for both of them were busy and seldom went to bed or got up at the same time. She made sure of that.  
   Claudia tried to meet Cedric as often as possible, but even though he was an important informant she could not always find excuses for running off to his place. Especially because it was deepest autumn by now and recently her duty had forced her to spend hours at Lady Doyle’s mansion and Scotland Yard’s office.  
   But today she had finally found some time. On her way to his shop she silently noted that it had been two weeks since she had last been able to visit him and not just met him at the manor during one of the meetings of the Evil Noblemen. Her wedding was already more than a month in the past.  
   She knocked on the door and entered the parlour. Cedric was nowhere to be seen.   
   _Just as usual_. Claudia smiled to herself and strolled through the room, playing the game that had become a habit at this point. She knocked on a coffin and by the noise it made she could tell it was empty. She listened into the silence of the room, but this time, there was no cackling, no laughing. He usually showed himself when she had guessed wrong.  
   She crooked her head. _Did we change the rules of the game?_   
   Casually, she walked up to the next coffin and knocked, listening closely: most definitely empty. She frowned and began to wonder if he was in the back rooms, or maybe not even here? But the door had been open. She could not imagine him leaving without locking up the shop. It was not like there was much to steal in here, but still…   
   She shook her head and decided to just continue. It took her a few more tries until she finally heard that he was standing inside the up-right coffin she had just knocked against. As Cedric didn’t make any movement to open the lid himself, she pulled it open – only to have a skeleton fall on her. She yelped in surprise and caught it instinctively. Only moments later, Undertaker burst into laughter behind her.  
   She turned around - the skeleton limply slumped against her - to find him lying on one of the coffins as if he had been there all along. She knew better: he hadn’t. But she had no idea where he had come from either.   
   “Your face!” He held his stomach, tears streaming down his cheeks. “That was priceless!”  
   She had meant to at least act a bit offended, but seeing him lying there laughing she couldn’t help but chuckle herself. She had missed him – had missed this. She always did when she couldn’t see him for more than a week and she almost never had the time to meet him this often.  
   With as much grace as she could muster she pushed the skeleton back into the coffin and threw the lid shut before it fell out again. She shook her head as she walked up to Cedric, who was still laughing.  
   “I thought we agreed on no surprise attacks.” She said, eyeing him with a smirk on her lips.  
   He giggled, wiping his cheeks. “You only said you were afraid to hurt me. But my friend is long since dead, you see~.” He grinned at her and sat up. “Cannot hurt him anymore, even if you pull a knife on him.”  
   “I did say that, didn’t I?” She shook her head in defeat. Of course he would think of a way to jump her without going against their agreement.  
   “You~ did.” He confirmed grinning and reached for the cookie urn next to him. It hadn’t been there earlier either.  
   She kept silent for a moment and when she continued, a small smile was tugging at her lips. Spending time with him hadn’t been the only reason she had come here today. “I’ve got news.”  
   “Oh?” He curiously crooked his head and stood up, circling around her. “And what would that be, my dear? Did the Queen assign you another impossible task?”  
   She smiled, waiting until he was in front of her again.  
   “Or is it-”  
   “I’m pregnant.”  
   That shut him up for good. He stopped dead in his tracks, the expression on his face one of utter surprise, almost confusion. This time, _she_ couldn’t help giggling while he just stood there flabbergasted, blinking at her.  
   “I’m pregnant.” She repeated, smirking.   
   He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came to him. His gaze wandered down to her womb where the unborn child was growing. Of course, there was nothing to be seen yet.  
   “How… did you notice?” He asked slowly.  
   “I didn’t start bleeding and saw a doctor,” She answered truthfully and shrugged. “He congratulated me on conceiving on my wedding night.” She rested her hand on her womb, gently caressing the spot where her unborn child grew. “It might have not been the wedding night though.”  
   She looked into his eyes and he looked back, realization slowly dawning on him. He had been the first after all. If she had been fertile during these days – and apparently she had been - and if her own will, her own emotional and physical state meant anything at all, then maybe…  
   He lowered his gaze once more, inspecting her body and then her face, as if he was looking for any signs of discomfort. “How are you feeling?”  
   She smiled. “I’m fine, no worries. I’m not feeling sick or anything. I was a bit dizzy earlier, but I’ve had worse.”  
   He nodded, falling silent once again. She had always found it unsettling when he hadn’t smiled for a while and it was the same today. The situation was difficult and awkward and Claudia was beginning to feel bad for her earlier cheerfulness. She could not tell whose child she was bearing. Maybe she could tell once it was born, but even then there might be no guarantee. It was strange and she was not sure if she wanted to be happy about the new life growing inside her or cry about the uncertainty of the child’s father.  
   “I am sorry.” She said when the silence began to stretch, looking down at her belly. Whatever happened, she would not let it affect her love for the child – it didn’t have any more choice in this than she did -, but she still felt awful for not being able to tell Cedric if he was the father or not. But there was no way she could know. Nobody did.  
   “No.” He shook his head, as if to cast off his hesitation. “It’s not that.” He stepped closer, his fingertips carefully touching the fabric of her coat, just above her womb, as if it was something sacred. “I just…” He hesitated – how odd for him – and then shook his head once more before lifting his head to smile at her. “I wasn’t expecting this, is all.”  
   Relieved by the warm and gentle expression in his green yellowish eyes, she smiled back and wrapped her arms around him, absorbing his distinct scent and the warmth his body was emitting. Even though he held her close as well, his touch was much lighter than she was used to.  
   When she pulled back she raised an eyebrow at him and poked her fingertip into his chest. “Don’t you dare start treating me like a glass figurine now, too. My servants are already driving me mad with this constant ‘how are you’ and ‘don’t you want to take a break’. I’m _fine_.”  
   Cedric laughed in response and took a brief bow, a wide toothy grin plastered on his lips. “I deeply apologize, my fragile lady, but I feared you’d fall apart at a touch.”  
   He yelped when she pinched him on the waist and she laughed when he caught her in his arms and swirled her around, his embrace much tighter than before. He chuckled at her burying her face into his neck and as they pulled apart they both grinned stupidly.  
   Yes, that was more like it. It was not like she had caught a deadly disease. She was just with a child. And even though she had never bothered much with thinking about having children, she found that she was happy. Even more so if she could share this happiness with Cedric.  
   It was only when she stepped back from him and turned around a bit that she noticed something that looked like a huge selection of sweets sitting on his desk.  
   Claudia crooked her head in curiosity. “Did you stock up on sweets?”  
   He turned his head to look at the desk and chuckled. “No, that’d be a bit too much, wouldn’t it~?”  
   She followed him when he walked up to the dark wooden desk. As she stepped closer it became obvious that the pile of sweets had been a present. She could tell with only one glance that they were of good quality and had probably cost quite a bit of money.  
   She smirked as her gaze wandered over the chocolate and candy. “Someone knows your taste in food.”  
   Cedric laughed at her comment. “It’s not hard to figure out, is it?” He paused for a moment and let his finger glide over the thin transparent film the candy was wrapped in. “Alex gave it to me.”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise. She remembered the one time she had seen Alex as he had left the funeral parlour right when she had arrived. Back then, Undertaker had said he was an acquaintance. She had hoped to meet him sometime, but as she could seldom visit they always missed each other.  
   “I remember him. I saw him on the street a few months ago.” She crooked her head curiously. “It looks expensive. Was there a special occasion?”  
   Cedric shook his head. “Sometimes he just does these things for no reason.” He grinned at her. “You did the same once, remember?”  
   She started to laugh at his comment. “Touché.”  
   A few months ago, she had indeed brought a cake for no reason too. When she thought back now, she had probably already been falling in love with him then.  
   She kept silent for a few seconds. Before she continued, the expression on her face grew more serious. “How… did you get to know each other?”  
   It was hard to imagine they had just met somewhere on the street or in a pub as Undertaker scarcely left the parlour for any other reason than attending a funeral or picking up corpses. So…  
   There was no pause before he answered, as if he had already expected her to ask. The smile on his lips had faded. “I first met him two, almost three years ago. His new-born son had died only five days after birth.”  
   Claudia nodded silently. Yes, she had expected something like that. She felt bad for this man, who had appeared so nice and gentle when she saw him in front of the parlour.   
   “He’s a very unlucky man,” Cedric continued, the expression in his eyes difficult to place. Almost one of nostalgia. “After the death of his son, I met him on the graveyard a few times. He would always politely greet me and ask me how I am. He passed by at the parlour at least once a week, even though his home is nowhere nearby. Maybe he was trying to come to terms with himself, tried to process his son’s death by coming to the places that reminded him of it.” Cedric paused for a moment, a frown building on his forehead. “A year later, he was standing before me again, reduced to tears. His wife had become the victim of a violent crime. I buried her just like their son before her.”  
   Claudia pressed her lips together in sympathy. First his son, then his wife… As she looked up to Cedric she noticed the subtle expression of distress in his bright eyes. She suspected that others wouldn’t even have noticed, but she did. He had seen death and grief many times – not only because he was a mortician, but also because he had been working as a Grim Reaper - and she knew that usually, he didn’t get himself emotionally involved with the fate of his clients. It might seem cruel and heartless to outsiders, but she knew that if he did it would just break him apart. But this man, Alex, had been different. She saw it on his face.  
   “A few months ago…” He breathed in before he finished the sentence and took his gaze of the candy on his desk. “His eight year old daughter became ill and died. She was the only one left in his family.”  
   _Everyone…?_  
   “He looked so calm when I saw him back then. He even smiled at me.” She mumbled in disbelief. To lose every single person you loved in the matter of two years… “I would have never thought that he had just lost his last family member.”  
   “It’s curious.” Cedric agreed. “He grieved miserably every single time, but he never lost the ability to laugh, joke and believe in a brighter future.” He shook his head, as if to shake off the thoughts and put a smile on his face. “That’s how I got to know him. He’s good at telling jokes and making light of anything.”  
   Claudia chuckled. “I’m not surprised you get along so well. I really do want to meet him.”  
   “I’m sure you will someday.” Cedric responded with a grin.  
   She smiled at him before her gaze wandered to the candy once more. Her expression turned serious as she thought her next words over.  
   “Don’t you think it’s curious?” She asked after a while. “For a man who lost so many loved ones to become friends with a mortician? You would think he’d shy away from everything related to death.”  
   “It’s not that uncommon.” Undertaker responded, his gaze lost in the distance. “For people who have suffered loss to surround themselves with even more death, loss and grief. To feel connected to those they lost or to come to terms with their grief someday.”  
   There was a pause that felt too severe to just dismiss it, but before Claudia could think further, the expression on Cedric’s face shifted from seriousness to carelessness in the blink of an eye.  
   “Well, I guess with these sweets I’ve got my next meals aaall planed out~” He exclaimed cheerfully.  
   Claudia blinked. This shift in mood and topic had been a bit too forceful, even for him. But he just strolled through the room and headed for his cookie urn like nothing had happened. So she decided to let it go as well. It obviously wasn’t a topic he wanted to linger on.   
   As he turned towards her once more, she crooked her head and raised her eyebrows. “ _Meal_?” she repeated and pointed her finger at the sweets. “This is no _meal_. It’s _dessert_.”  
   Cedric grinned toothily. “It’s _food_.”  
   Claudia shook her head, but couldn’t help laughing. “You’re impossible, you know that?”  
   He giggled at her remark, very amused by her persistent tries to convince him of eating anything else but sweets.  
   Again, she found herself shaking her head. “I give up...” She sighed in feigned exasperation, but then lifted her gaze to smirk at him. “For now, that is.”  
   He grinned back and she slowly walked up to him. When he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Their lips met half way and Claudia let her hand slide over his chest as he gradually deepened the kiss. She caught herself missing the feeling of his bare skin underneath her fingertips just like the touch of his warm hands and soft lips on hers.   
   After a while they had to break apart for air and she smirked cheekily. “I just noticed that there is a good side-effect to the news I brought earlier.”  
   He crooked his head questioningly. “And what would that be, my dear?”  
   Claudia shrugged in playful indifference, waltzing back a few steps. The smirk never left her face. “I cannot become any more pregnant than I am, can I?”  
   It took a second for him to catch the cue. When he did, he laughed and tilted his head to the side, a charming smirk gracing his lips. “No. Indeed, you can’t.”


	12. Fever Dreams

It wasn’t before long that it became quite a hassle for Claudia to leave the Manor on her own. She was only three months pregnant, but her servants were working their way up to an everlasting panic attack. They acted like she was struck by a lethal sickness and not just pregnant. And she really had almost no problems. It was not like she was collapsing on a daily basis – in fact, she’d only had five dizzy spells  in three months and thought that was quite an acceptable statistic.  
   Sometime in the future, her servants would probably refuse to let her travel, but today she had managed to win the argument and was now headed for Cedric’s place after she had dropped by at Scotland Yard. Of course, her servants had insisted on accompanying her to London and now busied themselves at the summerhouse, but as long as they didn’t follow her, Claudia didn’t mind.  
   When she had entered Undertaker’s shop, she let her gaze wander for a moment and then swiftly headed for one of the coffins lying on the ground. Gently, she knocked against the wood. She smiled when a faint laughter resounded from inside and he opened the lid, grinning widely – but… strangely tired?  
   “Good guess,” he cooed, grinning.  
   Claudia examined his face and noticed that it was slightly flushed. And his eyes… Something about them looked oddly… glazed? As if he had…  
   _A fever._  
   Without further ado, she touched first his cheek and then his forehead and found that she was right: His body was burning hot.  
   “You have a fever.” She said out loud. The smile on her lips had faded and her expression had turned serious while she gently dabbed away the thin film of sweat on his forehead with her sleeve.  
   He chuckled and sat up. “It’s nothing~.”  
   Claudia frowned at him, concern openly displayed on her features. “No, it isn’t.” She took hold of his hand and realized it was freezing cold, but still covered in sweat. “You’re sick. Why are you not in bed?”  
   He laughed and slowly climbed out of the coffin, walking up to his desk. “My my, are you worried? This body is more resilient than that of a human so there’s no need for concern~.”  
   She didn’t know how to reply. She was willing to believe him that a Grim Reaper’s body was more resistant than an ordinary human body, but that didn’t change the fact that he was sick and should rest.  
   “So… What have you been u-.” He broke off when his voice grew hoarse. She saw him trying to hold it off, but in the end he could not stop the dry coughing fit from taking over and shaking his weakened body. He took hold of his desk for support, as if he was feeling dizzy.  
   There were a few seconds of silence, before Claudia stood up and glared at him with an intensity that made most people cower before her.  
   He smiled miserably. “That was quite unfortunate timing, wasn’t it? So I suppose I’m going to bed now?”  
   “Most definitely yes.” She answered firmly and turned to lock the shop. “I’ll follow you shortly. You can change in the meantime.”  
   This time, he didn’t even attempt to argue with her. Wordlessly, he turned around and headed for the bedroom, while she made sure the door was locked. After she was finished she headed for the kitchen, grabbed a bowl she filled with water, and took a clean cloth out of one of the cabinets. She looked around for a moment longer and tried to find anything edible other than cookies, but of course she didn’t. She sighed to herself. With that kind of diet, it was no surprise he got sick.  
   Careful not to spill the water, she crossed the hall and entered the bedroom to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in a pair of long black pyjamas. Her gaze softened at the miserable expression on his reddened, sweaty face. Carefully, she put the bowl on his nightstand and brushed a strand of hair away that was sticking to his forehead. She had never before seen him looking this drained and unhappy.  
   “… Are you mad I sent you to bed?” She asked softly.  
   He shook his head and grimaced as if the movement had caused him pain. “No…” He sighed. “I’m just dizzy and everything hurts.”  
   _So you were just acting unfazed after all, weren’t you_? She suspected he didn’t want her to worry about him or had hoped the sickness would just vanish on its own if he only denied it for long enough.  
   Claudia caressed his cheek in a comforting manner and pressed a loving kiss to his forehead before she went to fluff up his pillows. After she was finished she motioned for him to lie down and he followed her invitation. She pulled the blanket up before she went to get a chair from the other side of the room and dragged it next to his bed. Wordlessly, she reached for the cloth, put it into the water and wrung it out until it stopped dripping. He let his eyes fall closed and sighed in relief when she gently dabbed the sweat off his face and put it on his forehead.  
   A warm smile was tugging at her lips. “Is it good?”  
   “Yes…” His glazed eyes fluttered open a bit and he looked up at her almost hesitantly. “Will you stay?”  
   “Of course.” She had just arrived and she didn’t plan on leaving already, especially not when he was ill.  
   A small frown built on his forehead. “You could catch my cold.” His voice grew hoarse on the last few words and he turned away from her to cough softly.  
   “I will be fine, I rarely get sick.” She could imagine that he was especially worried because she was pregnant, but it was not like her body didn’t have any defences. “Also, I’m taking good care of myself – unlike you. I didn’t find any proper food in the kitchen. I will get something for you from the summerhouse shortly. My servants planned to stock up on supplies today anyway, so they should be able to prepare something. It will take longer to recover when you don’t eat properly.”  
   He didn’t look all too happy about her plan, but he didn’t object either.  
   After a few more moments, he slowly protruded his hand from underneath the blanket. She caught the cue and took hold of it, gently cupping it with both her hands. It was the first time his hand had ever felt cold, an indicator that his fever was not yet breaking, maybe still rising. The way she was holding and stroking it stirred an odd feeling of nostalgia in her. It reminded her of that one day he had asked her to sit with him, back in the days when she hadn’t known anything about him yet. He was usually in a good mood, fooling around and laughing, but back then had been the first time he had ever sought her comfort.  
   She sat with him in silence, put the cloth back into the water when it became too warm and held his hand. He kept silent as well, only softly coughing from time to time. After maybe half an hour he looked ready to fall asleep.  
   Gently, she squeezed his hand and when she started to speak her voice was barely above a whisper. “I will go to the summerhouse now to get some food. I’ll hurry.”  
   He tiredly looked at her, still not happy, but he didn’t object this time either. He let go of her hand and she stood up and headed for the front room, unlocking the door and stepping onto the streets. She couldn’t run all the way to the summerhouse, but she walked much faster than she usually did. People on the street turned to look at her when she breezed by, but she ignored their curious gazes.  
   Back at the summerhouse it was not difficult to talk her servants into making something to eat for Undertaker. He was her informant after all. He could not work when he was sick, and she couldn’t work when he couldn’t work. That was a good enough excuse for getting him something to eat – especially because nobody seemed surprised when she told them he apparently lived only on cookies. They didn’t have many supplies at the summerhouse as she resided in the Manor during the winter, but it was still enough to produce a decent meal. Her maid and butler made an easily digestible meal with brewed vegetables, rice and soup.  
   Claudia tried not to appear suspiciously impatient while she waited for them to finish, but to be frank, she was worried about Cedric. He was clearly feeling miserable and she would have not left him alone if she hadn’t thought that a proper meal was important for his health right now. She did not know how the body of a Grim Reaper worked, but she did know that he needed to eat and sleep. And if he could catch human sickness then the healing process probably worked similar to that of humans. Still, it was bad enough that she would have to leave him alone later. Every second she sat there waiting felt like torture.  
   Just as she was about to go mad with impatience the meal was finally finished. It took her another five minutes of argument to convince her servants that she was able to carry the package alone. The point that she was not physically disabled just because she was pregnant won her the fight.  
   On her way back she walked even faster. She had lost track of time, but felt like she had been away for more than half an hour. Worry was clutching at her heart and she could not quite grasp where this strange feeling of foreboding was coming from. Yes, his fever was high, but he was lying in bed, probably sleeping peacefully, while she ran down the streets of London as if he was about to die. She still didn’t slow down.  
   When she entered his bedroom once more, she found him lying in the same spot, apparently asleep. She put the food aside and frowned when she noticed the expression of distress on his face. A strangled gasp escaped his slightly parted lips and a bead of sweat slid down his forehead when his head twitched to the side. The cloth she had left on his forehead had long since fallen off his face. He stirred beneath the blanket, the hand she had held earlier trembling violently.  
   Realization hit her. _A nightmare_.  
   In the matter of seconds, she was at his side. “Cedric, wake up…!”  
   She touched his arm in an attempt to wake him up from whatever dream was plaguing him. It worked.  
   He shot up with a hoarse scream tearing from his lungs, his eyes gleaming with sheer and utter terror. He made a movement as if to grab for a pair of glasses somewhere next to him, but there weren’t any. By now his whole body was trembling and covered in sweat.  
   “Cedric…” Hesitantly, she put her hand on his shoulder, almost afraid that he would flinch away from her. He didn’t.  
   He gasped hoarsely. “Claudia…?”  
   “Yes, it’s me…” She sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked first his shoulder and then his back, her own heartbeat frantic in her chest. The fabric of his nightshirt was moist with sweat. No doubt, that this had been one of the famed but feared fever dreams. Caught between dream and reality, they were probably the worst kind one could experience.  
   “Are you alright…?” She asked, her voice thick with concern, and tried to meet his gaze.  
   He didn’t answer. He just sat there, looking around the room with an expression she could only describe as horrified. What on earth did he dream? After a few more moments of silence, he buried his face in his shaking palms, hiding it from her view.  
   “Cedric…” She called out softly and shifted a bit closer, continuously caressing his back in an attempt to soothe him. She couldn’t find any words to say so she just sat by his side and helplessly tried to calm him. She wanted to ask him what this dream had been about, but she didn’t want to make him relive it either.  
   He swallowed before he started to speak with his voice hoarse and almost breaking. “There are… faces. Everywhere.”  
   “… What?” She looked around the room, but there wasn’t anything. Of course there wasn’t.  
    Only slowly, it dawned on her: hallucinations.  
   She looked back at him in shock, his face still buried in the palms of his hands so he wouldn’t have to see whatever images his fever-plagued mind was producing. _Oh god_. How could she have left him alone for even two minutes, let alone more than half an hour?  
   “There is no one here but me…” She tried to calm him, stroking his shoulder.  
   “I know.” He sounded like he was about to cry. “They’re all dead.”  
   She felt a sharp sting at his words and pressed her lips together in compassion. What kind of images was his mind producing? Whose faces did he see? Maybe it was his former family that he was surrounded by? Maybe those people whose names were written on the lockets he carried? She could only imagine the pain of losing so many loved ones and having their images haunt you in your nightmares even to the point of creating hallucinations.  
   She shifted even closer to embrace him and when he heard her moving he lowered his hands to crawl into her arms, holding onto her tightly and burying his face in her shoulder. She held his trembling body close to her and silently begged for the surreal images to disappear. He was radiating heat and it was only now that Claudia realized that a normal human would have long since collapsed or died. Gently, she combed through his hair and planted a loving kiss on the top of his head.  
   “Can you tell me something?” He whispered against the fabric of her clothing.  
   She looked down at him, but was unable to see his face. “Like what?”  
   “Anything.” His grip on her tightened. “Please just don’t stop talking.”  
   Claudia thought for a moment and then did what he had asked. She said whatever came to mind and was good enough to pose as a distraction. She told him that she had been out for a walk a few days ago. Told him how the trees around the manor looked and about the colourful sunset she had witnessed. That she had considered to change the curtains in the banquet hall, because she felt like Lady Doyle’s cigarette smoke had already gotten to them. That her servants still treated her like she was about to die and not just pregnant.  
   She just kept rambling on and on for who knows how long and slowly, his shaking subsided and she felt Cedric relaxing into her embrace. It happened slowly, but when she thought he was starting to feel better, she stopped her rambling.  
   “Are you alright…?” She asked softly.  
   Slowly, he pulled back and took a look around, apparently searching the room. After a few moments, he exhaled deeply and nodded, avoiding her gaze. “They’re gone…”  
   His face was pale like a white wall, only his cheeks still tinted red from the terribly high fever. His eyes were glazed over, but she couldn’t see traces of tears. He just looked incredibly exhausted.  
   “I’m so sorry… I should have not left you alone.” She still felt terrible that she had left. Of course she had only meant good, but if she had been here she’d have woken him earlier. Maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.  
   He met her gaze and smiled tiredly. “It’s not your fault. I should have not let myself fall asleep.” He shook his head, touching his forehead with a pained expression. “I am used to these dreams… But they usually stop when I wake up.”  
   “I see…” She still felt bad, but she couldn’t turn back time either. She could only try to make it up to him by staying with him now.  
   Carefully, she grabbed the cloth from his bedsheets, cooled and wrung it out once more and then gently wiped his face. He let his eyes fall closed, exhaling in relief.  
   “We need to lower the fever, and fast.” She stated and Cedric nodded in agreement. She really didn’t want another one of these fever-induced nightmares or hallucinations to kick in – and she was sure he didn’t want it to happen again either. “I’ll get some more cloth really fast. Call for me should anything happen, alright?”  
   He nodded again. She hesitated for a moment, unwilling to leave him again, but she just needed to take three steps through the hall. It was not like she was leaving the house. She still hurried, returning with two bigger cloths and a glass of water in less than a minute. He smiled tiredly when she stormed back into the room.  
   He drank a few sips, his dry lips an indicator for how much water he had already lost to the fever. After he lay down once more, she sat down on the edge of the bed close to his feet. She touched them carefully and found that by now they felt warm. Wordlessly, she made to roll up his trousers until his lower legs were exposed and wrapped the wet cloth around them. He shivered a bit at the cool touch.  
   She looked at him with concern in her eyes. “Is it too cold? Shall I take them off?”  
   He shook his head and smiled at her. “No, it’s fine. Thank you.”  
   It took a few seconds before the shivering stopped and she pulled up the blanket a bit so he wouldn’t feel too cold. As she put the other cloth back on his forehead, she silently prayed to whatever god that was listening this would lower his fever or at least relieve his misery a bit.  
   In the end, she just sat next to his bed, held his hand, changed the cloth from time to time and couldn’t think of anything to say. Part of her wanted to ask him what those dreams had been about, but the other part was hesitant to ask, unsure of how much he would be willing to tell her and also worried her questions might end up triggering another hallucination.  
   Gently, he poked his long fingernail into the back of her hand and she raised her head to meet his gaze. There was a smile on his lips. “What’s with that gloomy look, my dear?”  
   She frowned. “I’m worried about you.”  
   He laughed slightly. “I’ll be fine.”  
   She hesitated for a moment, but in the end she decided to object even though he probably would have preferred her to just forget about everything that had happened. “You didn’t look fine.”  
   He gazed at her for a moment. The smile never left his lips, but now there was a bitter touch to it.  
   “I wasn’t.” He admitted, letting his eyes fall closed in thought. “I never sleep well. The fever just made worse what I am already used to. These afterimages were new, though. And I’m glad you were with me when it happened.” He opened his eyes and squeezed her hand softly. “I’ll get by. Don’t feel bad for leaving when you have to. I brought this upon myself anyway by putting too much strain on my body.”  
   She sighed, part of her willing to believe he would pull through and the other part still worried he would end up being haunted by nightmares again, maybe dreaming them wide awake, without anyone here to comfort or help him.  
   He crooked his head, a charming smile spreading on his lips as he blinked up at her. “Smile for me…?”  
   She tried not to, but something about his expression, about the way he looked at her and said it, made her laugh. She shook her head, giving in to him and trying to let her worries go for now. The more time they had spent together, the more she had noticed that his mood was easily influenced by hers. When she laughed, he laughed with her and vice versa. If she kept sitting here behaving like a worrywart she’d only make him depressed. No matter what happened, how horrible or painful things were: She knew he much preferred to laugh it all away. And so they did.  
   “Soo~”, he started after a while. “You fetched something to eat, didn’t you~?”  
   She blinked in surprise. “I did. Are you hungry?” She had not expected him to want food anytime soon. The fever was incredibly high and most people lacked an appetite when they were ill like this.  
   The grin on his lips widened. “That entirely depends on what you brought.”  
   She crooked an eyebrow, smirking. “No sweets.”  
   He pouted in feigned disappointment. “Aww maan.”  
   Claudia couldn’t help but laugh in response. She stood up from the edge of the bed and got the package she had put on a nearby table earlier. After she sat down on the chair next to the bed, she carefully unwrapped the food her servants had put into a small box. Cedric pushed himself up a bit to be able to take a better look at what she held in her hands.  
   “That’s quite a nice meal you had your servants make, isn’t it?” He asked, smiling up at her.  
   “Naturally. I want you to get better soon. Do you see anything that’s to your liking?”  
   “Mh…” He mused, taking his time as he inspected the food and then twisting his lips into a smirk. “I suppose I could eat a bit of that.”  
   She had to supress a relieved sigh at his words. The only time she had ever seen him eating proper food was when they’d had dinner with the Evil Noblemen. She knew nothing about his tastes – except that he liked sweets.  
   “Do you want to sit up to eat or would that be too exhausting?” She asked, a bit unsure of where to put the box.  
   In response she was met with the widest grin she had seen on his lips for a while, his bright eyes gleaming with amusement. “Feed me~?”  
   Claudia blinked at him. “Feed you…?” She repeated in disbelief.  
   He snorted at the expression on her face. He tried to stop giggling but failed miserably. “My Claudia, why so shocked?”  
   She didn’t quite know what to say. Upon reflection, it even made sense: it was better for him to not get up so it was best if she just fed him. Still, she was rather sure that this had not been the main reason he had asked her, but rather the amusement this image would bring him.  
   A crooked smile spread on her lips. “… Alright.”  
   If he was surprised, it didn’t show on his face. He grinned, opened his mouth two inches and waited. Carefully, she forked up a few vegetables and blew on the still steaming food to cool it down a bit. She felt rather stupid, but if it was to make Cedric feel better or laugh she’d gladly make a fool out of herself any time.  
   _I guess love is strange like that_ , she thought to herself while feeding him and listening to the comments he made on the food. She learned he preferred carrots over potatoes and potatoes over leek and silently wondered if his unexpected liking for carrots was because they made a similar noise as cookies when biting on them – at least when they weren’t boiled thoroughly. She chuckled to herself at the thought, noting all these small details in her mind even if it was just so she could order her servants to produce a meal he would enjoy when the Evil Noblemen next gathered at the manor for dinner.  
   He had not eaten much, but still more than she had expected when he let himself fall back into the pillows and sighed deeply, obviously finished. She wrapped the rest of the food back into the paper, put it aside, and kneeled on the bed to reach for the discarded piece of cloth only to have Cedric turn and curl up against her legs.  
   She smiled down at him, his face partly covered by his long bangs and pressed up against her dress. She was relieved at how content he looked, even after all the distress and horror he had just been through.  
   When she petted his hair, he turned on his back to look up at her face. The tender expression in his eyes made her heart skip a beat.  
   “I love you.” He whispered with a smile that was so warm, so gentle and so dazed at the same time that she would have thought he was drunk if she hadn’t known better.  
   She bent down to kiss his hot and dry but nevertheless lovely lips and smiled back at him. “And I love you.”  
   He let his eyes fall closed for a moment and when he opened them again, she noticed it was getting difficult for him to keep them open. Both the sickness and the nightmares must have exhausted him terribly.  
   “I’m so tired…” He mumbled and leaned his head against her knee.  
   Gently, her fingers combed through his long hair. “If you want me to, I can watch over you while you sleep and wake you up when you seem to start dreaming.”  
   He thought for a moment and then nodded slightly. “Yes please.”  
   Cedric moved back a few inches so she could get up and put the cloth in the water once more. When she sat down on the edge of his bed, he moved closer again. She took hold of his by now warm hand while she gently dabbed the thin film of sweat off his face and watched him as his eyes fluttered shut. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.  
   She watched his sleep closely, looking for any signs of distress, but his expression remained relaxed and his sleep peaceful. This time, he neither shook nor stirred, but lay completely still. She only woke him when she had to leave and was happy to find his gaze had cleared a bit when he opened his eyes and smiled at her.  
   His fever broke quickly and when she visited him the next day, he already looked much better. And of course, she had made him promise her to take better care of himself from now on - including a more healthy diet. She had barely slept the whole night because she had been terribly worried about him, but thankfully the sickness passed by and spared her too – and hopefully, it would stay gone.   


	13. Under the veil of darkness

Weeks and months passed and slowly, the child in Claudia’s womb grew. Even though it happened gradually, this was easily the strangest experience she had ever made. She was used to being thin and athletic, but in her ninth month she had the feeling she had reached three times the size she had been before. Even walking up a staircase became a bothersome obstacle. Overall, she felt clumsy and immobile, having to look out for every edge and rim or worrying about whether she would get stuck in gaps between furniture.  
   Even though her maid became more overprotective with every inch her womb was growing, Claudia kept working even through the late stages of pregnancy. She was the Queen's Watchdog after all and thus had loads of work on her hands. Even though she was no longer able – or rather, allowed – to take a carriage to London she continued to work, summoning the Evil Noblemen to the Manor – and with them Cedric, cherishing every rare moment they were able to spend together in privacy. But these moments were scare and usually short and even though they pushed through, she had spent many nights crying into her pillow, missing him with every fibre of her being.  
    On the 13th June, the long awaited moment had finally come. Very early in the morning, she entered labour and after only five hours everything was over. Giving birth was certainly no pleasant experience, but it could have been much worse. There had been no complications, her son was healthy and she had been fine afterwards too. Exhausted, yes, but sound and happy. As soon as she had recovered a bit she had ordered her butler to take pre-written notices to the Evil Noblemen. The notices informed them that she would be unable to resume her work for at least two weeks and held brief instructions on how to proceed with the case they had been working on while she was recovering. It irked her that even now she was bound to bed, but there was nothing that could do about it. She needed to recover first, no matter how much she hated it.  
    It probably would have not caused any harm if she had sent these letters a few days later, but she had been very adamant about it. Her servants had likely assumed that she was already impatient to start working again and was unable to keep her hands still. While this was true, it was not the reason she had insisted on sending the letters today: She could not possibly tell Cedric that she had given birth or how she was feeling. It was too dangerous for her to send him a private letter, so they had agreed that he would sneak into the Manor with the powers of a Grim Reaper once she gave the signal – the letter she had sent today. Her maid had agreed to only check on her in the night if Claudia rang for her and would leave her alone if she didn’t. Nine months of endless pampering and worrying needed to end sometime - the earlier the better. And she didn’t want to wait even one more day to finally be able to see Cedric again.  
    Claudia had spent the greater part of the day in bed so it was not entirely right to say that she had ‘retired to bed’, but at some point she had told her maid and her husband she would sleep now. She slept for one, maybe two hours, but it wasn’t long until her son’s crying woke her and she got up to gently take him out of the cradle placed next to her bed. It was still unpleasant to stand so she went back to bed and leaned against a pile of pillows while she fed him. She buttoned her nightgown up once he seemed satisfied and held him until he fell asleep again. She considered carrying him back to the cradle, but in the end she was unable to take her gaze off his tiny, rose face that looked so peaceful when he was asleep.  
    She smiled at the little boy in her arms. _Vincent_.  
    It was almost midnight, the room only lit by candlelight and yet she was wide awake again, waiting. There was a mild breeze outside, entering the room through the open balcony door and gently tugging at the long dark curtains, letting them dance in the moonlight.  
    When Claudia noticed Cedric’s arrival she wasn’t sure if she had heard his step or sensed his presence. But there he was: His slim silhouette standing on the balcony, the black coat and his silvery hair gently swaying in the wind. Like a phantom that had appeared from thin air, and maybe he had. Yet, here he was, in flesh and blood. It was hard to comprehend how he was able to move like this, but by now she had become used to the idea that he was able to appear out of nowhere. It was this ability he used to attend the meetings of the Evil Noblemen too, after all.  
    Slowly and without noise, he entered the room and stepped closer, the moonlight that had lit his figure gradually replaced by candlelight. A smile spread on Claudia’s lips as she looked up at him, her son stirring in her arms a bit as if he too had noticed Cedric’s arrival.  
    “I’m so glad you made it.” She whispered. The rooms of her husband and her maid weren’t that far away so they had to be silent.  
    Cedric noiselessly sat next to her on the edge of the bed, examining her face. His long bangs were brushed back and his bright eyes exposed, traces of worry shimmering in them. “How are you?”  
    “I’m fine.” She smiled and looked down as her son made a soft noise and opened his eyes a few inches. He looked tired and a bit dazed, but he didn’t start to cry. “We’re both fine.”  
    She heard Cedric exhaling in relief before his gaze moved to the baby in her arms. The expression in his eyes was difficult to class. Gentle and warm, but also shy and unsure. “Is it… a boy or a girl?”  
    “It’s a boy. I named him Vincent.” Claudia answered, her warm gaze returning to her son.  
    “It’s a lovely name.” Cedric whispered in response and when she looked up at him there was a smile on his lips, reaching up all the way to his beautiful green and yellowish eyes. God, how she loved his eyes and this smile.  
    “Do you want to hold him?” She asked softly.  
    Cedric’s eyes widened for a split second. She noticed that he hesitated, but in the end he nodded slightly. Gently, she lay Vincent into his arms and smiled at how careful, almost afraid, he handled the little boy who murmured under his breath, half asleep and half awake.  
    “He doesn’t look like him at all,” Claudia whispered after a few moments while watching Vincent nodding off in Cedric’s arms. “Everybody said he’s my spitting image, but… His eyes, their shape. They remind me of yours.” She raised her head at him, but he was facing downwards so his bangs were covering his eyes. “What do you think…?”  
    He stayed silent for a few more seconds and just looked at the boy while holding him safely against his chest. With as much care as possible Cedric brushed his fingertip over the child’s cheek and his eyes fluttered open to briefly gaze up at the man holding him. Cedric’s touch lingered as he looked back at Vincent, who was still barely awake and already drifting back to sleep.  
    “I can feel it...” Cedric breathed barely audibly.  
    Claudia looked up at him in surprise, but his face remained covered by his bangs. It took her a few seconds to catch on. Memories of when she had asked him what would happen if they had a child returned to her. And him telling her about the possibility of the child bearing latent powers, dormant but still sensible for some Grim Reapers.  
    “You mean… You sense something?” She asked in wonder. For a moment, she was tempted to try to sense it too, but she knew there was no way she could.  
    He nodded, unable to take his eyes off the baby – no, his son.  
    A relieved smile sprang on Claudia’s lips and a warm and fuzzy feeling of content rose in her chest. It was still so unreal that she could barely grasp that now they had the confirmation she had always secretly hoped for. Vincent was _their_ child, without a doubt. Silently, she moved closer to Cedric and inspected the soft features of their son who was by now sound asleep in his father’s arms. Her heart was humming with joy just looking at them.  
    When she looked up at Cedric she was surprised to not only see a gentle smile on his lips, but also tears dripping and sliding down his cheeks. But these tears held no sadness or distress, just joy and relief and she could not help but to smile tenderly at his expression, this honest smile on his trembling lips.  
    Wordlessly, she got up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. He swallowed with difficulty before he leaned his head against her shoulder, holding Vincent close to his chest. Claudia felt tears dripping on her skin and moistening her nightgown as he got overwhelmed by emotions. His shoulders twitched with an odd mixture of a sob and a laugh and she caressed his back while he softly cried in her embrace.  
    She could barely imagine the burden he carried through all this. To stand back and watch her getting married, to know that another man had touched her and would do so in the future, to not know whether the child she had been carrying was his own or that of another man and to be unable to be by her side throughout the majority of the last months while another man was. Even though he was certainly troubled by all this, he had not let it show once. But the tears of relief he was crying now gave her a vague idea of the burden he had carried without complain.  
    She tightened her embrace a bit and blinked away the moisture that was rising to her eyes too. She had barely dared to hope that one day she would be able to tell without a doubt whose child Vincent was, but now she could – and he was his, _theirs_. And _finally_ , she was able to spend time with him again. The last few months had been terribly exhausting. Unable to leave the Manor, they’d had to rely on the meetings of the Evil Noblemen to meet each other and often they had barely managed to spend more than a minute alone. Just enough time to exchange a short embrace or a short kiss, but not enough to stop missing each other for even a minute.  
    _I wish we had thought of this earlier_. If he had visited her at night from time to time, even if only for half an hour, it would have surely spared them some sleepless nights. She could barely say how relieved and happy she was to finally be able to be with him again.  
    She kept holding onto him and after a few minutes, his breathing calmed. When she pulled back a bit she was met with his tear-stained cheeks and his still smiling lips. Gently, she brushed away the curtains of hair to reveal the rest of his face. He smiled sheepishly as she gazed into his moist, reddened eyes and she couldn’t help but to smile at his embarrassment.  
    Vincent’s soft muttering interrupted her thoughts and as she looked down at the baby in between them, she discovered a small frown of disapproval on his forehead.  
    “We should let him rest…” Cedric whispered quietly and Claudia nodded in agreement.  
    “Yes.” He had just been born. He needed as much rest and peace as he could get.  
    Cedric raised his gaze to look for the cradle that was standing on the opposite side of the bed and slowly got up to not disturb the child’s sleep any further. He was very careful when he lay Vincent down and pulled the tiny blanket over his even smaller body. Claudia smiled when he leaned down to briefly brush his lips against Vincent’s forehead in a tender kiss. As he stood up and returned to her side, he started to wipe the tears that still covered his face and sat down on the edge of her bed once more.  
    She couldn’t find any words to say so she just gave him a warm smile and handed him a handkerchief while he grinned back stupidly. When he was finished cleaning his face and wiping his nose he put the handkerchief away and smiled at her, his eyes still puffy from crying but also gleaming with content. Claudia smiled back at him and moved to wrap her arms around him again. Only moments later his lips found hers and tenderly moved over them as he held her close. They both smiled into the kiss, unable to contain their delight. It was a long time before they were willing to break apart and when they did they were both grinning.  
    “Do you want to come underneath the blanket with me?” She asked quietly and patted the bed, smirking. “I told my maid to not disturb me at night, so nobody should come in. Maybe it’d be better if I lock the door anyway.” She did not quite trust her maid on this.  
    He grinned toothily. “That won’t be necessary. If I sense someone’s presence…” He noiselessly snapped with his fingers. “I’m just gonna disappear.”  
    She giggled quietly. “Right. Grim Reaper, huh?”  
    He tilted his head and winked at her, before he bent down to undo the clasps of his high boots and then pull them off. After a short pause he took off his outer and inner coat as well, leaving him dressed in only his tight trousers and long-sleeve. Silently, he kneeled down to put both his shoes and the coats he had taken off underneath her bed.  
When he stood up and met her gaze, a crooked smirk appeared on his face. “In case I have to disappear in a hurry.”  
    She smiled back and made space for him, letting herself fall back into the pillows. She welcomed him with open arms as he crawled closer and cradled her. With a relieved sigh, she pressed her face against his chest and wrapped her arms around him in return, taking in the warmth of his body and his distinct scent.  
    “I missed you so much.” She mumbled into the fabric of his clothes, smiling.  
   His chest rumbled as he chuckled softly and his lips briefly touched the top of her head in a loving kiss. They stayed like this for a while before Claudia pulled her head back a bit to be able to look at his face.  
    “What have you been up to recently?” She asked quietly. It must have been more than a month since she had last managed to ask him a simple question like this.  
    He shrugged, his gaze lost in the distance. “Nothing special. People died like they always do. I spent the majority of the time experimenting.”  
    Claudia noticed that his voice lacked its usual enthusiasm when talking about his experiments. “Sounds like these experiments didn’t go all too well?”  
    “Ah, they did…” He whispered back and smiled at her. He hesitated for a moment and then shrugged again, his fingertip gently tracing her jawline. “Actually, they were rather productive, but… life has been kind of dull without you.”  
    She blinked in surprise and then let a gentle smile spread across her face as she stroked his cheek. “The Season has already started. In about two weeks, I’ll move into the summerhouse. It won’t be much longer until I’ll be able to visit again.” Finally, after god knows how many months of having to rely on business meetings.  
    His smile widened a bit and he leaned in to kiss her softly while his fingers stroked over her long, loose hair and gently twisted it between his fingers.  
    After they pulled apart a few inches, she crooked her head at him and smirked. “So, what did you find out?”  
    “Mh…” He thought for a moment, mirroring her expression. “A few weeks ago, I examined the body of a young male.” He tilted his head a bit, lost in thought. “His body was nothing out of the ordinary - except that I found a little, wasted womb in his belly.”  
    “A womb?” She repeated quietly, blinking at Cedric in surprise. “I did not know that was possible.”  
    “I was surprised as well.” He agreed, absentmindedly wrapping a strand of her hair around his finger.  
    “The human body sure is odd.” Claudia mumbled in wonder and Cedric grinned at her.  
    “It is indeed. That’s why I’m researching it.”  
    As they fell silent, Claudia turned her head a bit to glance at his fingers that were still playing with a strand of her hair and smirked at him. “Having fun?”  
    He grinned toothily. “Very much so.” Slowly, the grin faded into a smile as he rested his palm on her hair and let it slide downwards. “I barely ever got the chance to touch it when it’s down.”  
    Claudia blinked at him in surprise. Now that she thought about it, it was indeed true. She only wore her hair down when she retired to bed, so he had only ever met her with her hair pinned-up – except the times when he’d had to redo it after they had made a mess out of it.  
    She smiled up at him, her gaze lost in his beautiful bright eyes. “Do you like it down?”  
   “I do,” He answered quietly and grinned. “I also like that I don’t have to be careful to not get it in disorder.”  
    She laughed softly. “No, right now, you can make as much of a mess out of it as you’d like.”  
    He smirked in a way that almost made her regret those last words, but in the end, he just leaned in to catch her lips in a tender kiss while his long slender fingers snaked into her hair, holding the back of her head as he deepened the kiss.  
    They spent hours lying in each other’s arms, talking quietly and enjoying each other’s presence. Claudia stayed awake the whole night, not only because she simply didn’t get tired, but also because she felt it would have been a waste to sleep when they could talk instead. Every time Vincent woke up, Cedric got up to either soothe him back to sleep or to lay him in her arms when he demanded food and Claudia could not help but to smile at how his eyes sparkled with happiness every time he laid his eyes on the little child.  
    He left early in the morning, before her maid got up, but not without agreeing on another day he would sneak into the Manor to see her and his son. Claudia watched him closely as he moved towards the balcony and in the blink of an eye, he was gone. Just like she had suspected, he had vanished into thin air, gone with the wind. Being a Grim Reaper definitely had some valuable benefits, especially in their situation. If he didn’t have those abilities, their lives would have been much more difficult.


	14. The importance of things that cannot be recovered

After the birth of her son, Claudia’s life barely changed from how it was before - except that besides her work as the Queen’s Watchdog she took care of her son who was by now seven months old. It wasn’t always simple to take care of a child, run a company, and work as the Queen’s Watchdog, but every time her son smiled at her she felt that the strain was worth it. Still, her maid’s support was a great relief. Without her caring for the boy at night from time to time, Claudia would have gotten no sleep whatsoever.  
   Despite his busy schedule, her husband did his best to look after Vincent as well. After all this time, it was still strange to see them together. After all, she knew that the boy he held was not his son but Cedric’s. Of course, her husband didn’t suspect a thing. He loved the boy and Vincent would grow up believing that he was his father, so she appreciated his kindness. Yet, looking at her husband still left an unpleasant taste in Claudia’s mouth. In her heart, she had never accepted being his wife and she likely never would. Every time she looked at him she wished that things had been different – not only for her sake but also for his. He was not a bad person. He was kind and caring and deserved someone who didn’t react to every kind of affection with nothing but barely concealed repulsion. Precisely because he was a good person and didn’t find joy in acting against her will, her repulsion kept him at a distance. Their marriage was a horrible farce: They were bound to hurt each other for the rest of their lives, because she couldn’t bear him and he was stuck with her. But she had not chosen this path on her own volition and to this day, she cursed the Queen for getting involved in her life like this. No matter what, Claudia would never stop fighting against this bond that had been forced on her. She would always only love Cedric.  
    After she had recovered from giving birth and everything had settled down, it became easier for her to visit Cedric again. On the other hand, for him to see his son was dishearteningly difficult. There was no believable reason to take a baby to a funeral parlour and even when he attended the meetings at the Phantomhive Manor he could barely ever lay an eye on his son. Vincent was usually in the care of Claudia’s maid or husband when she was working. He could not just hold him or play with him like he would have liked to. So instead he started to use the abilities he possessed as a Grim Reaper to sneak into the Manor at night, depriving himself of sleep just so he could watch over his son’s sleep, soothe him when he woke up crying or silently play with him when Vincent decided that the night was over at four or five o’clock in the morning. It was the only way for him to spend time with his child, so he used every opportunity there was. Claudia had never been this glad that she and her husband had agreed on separate bedrooms and he never entered hers.  
    Of course, this could not go on forever. Gradually, they realized that Vincent was growing up and his awareness of those around him increased with every passing day. Soon, he would learn to speak his first words and start to address the people who cared for him. At some point it would become too risky for Cedric to visit his son at night. The danger of Vincent learning his name and giving away what nobody could know would soon become too great. And even though Cedric would not object once it was time, she knew that he would suffer miserably – and so would she. Nothing was ever simple for them.  
    Claudia was writing down notes as she was silently dreading what was to come soon. The smoke of Lady Doyle’s cigarettes gradually filled her study, but at this point Claudia’s lungs had become mostly used to the intrusion of this pungent smoke. At least for as long as she was distracted. They were waiting for Cedric to arrive so they could make final touches to her plans on how to catch the culprits of the case they had worked on for more than a month. Lord Curd was busy today so he couldn’t attend the meeting and Claudia didn’t find herself being all too regretful about it.  
    “Concern…”  
    Claudia looked up at Lady Doyle questioningly as she blew this single word into the room along with another plume of smoke. “Excuse me…?”  
    The elderly lady smiled. “Concern. Worry. It’s radiating from you, slowly filling up the room and rising to the ceiling…” She exhaled deeply. “Just like smoke.”  
    Claudia frowned slightly and threw a glance at the notes on the table. “It’s impossible to rule out all the risks, but now that we finally gained the background information we needed the planned initiative will most likely succeed.”  
    Lady Doyle chuckled to herself. “But that is not what you are worried about,” she stated confidently.  
    “… What would I worry about then?” Claudia inquired, her eyes slightly narrowed as she eyed Lady Doyle.  
    She giggled to herself, twisting the cigarette between her fingers. “Your family. Your son. Your husband. The father of your child.”  
    Slowly, the frown on Claudia’s forehead deepened. What was she getting at? “My family is fine. My son is healthy and growing well and my husband is in good health too.”  
    Lady Doyle blew another plume of smoke across the room, finding and holding her gaze. The expression in her usually dazed grey eyes was suddenly sharp and clear. “When I said the father of your child… I was not talking about your husband.”  
    For a moment, Claudia forgot how to breathe. First, she felt heat rising in her body and then cold creeping into her bones. She opened her mouth, but no words came to her. _How…?_  
    Lady Doyle laughed at her expression. “He’s an interesting man. Odd. Strange. Amusing. You love him, he feels the same. I wouldn’t blame you.” She fell silent and crooked her head. “Thinking of murdering me, Countess?”  
    “…” Claudia was sure she hadn’t said anything out loud, but her guess had been accurate. The thought had just crossed her mind.  
    Slowly, Claudia put the pen aside and took a deep breath. Even though she forced herself to stay calm on the outside, her fingers were shaking ever so slightly. “How do you know?”  
    The elderly woman started to laugh as if Claudia had just told her a splendid joke. It took a few moments before she calmed down once more, taking a puff of her cigarette. “People keep talking all the time even when they don’t.” She smirked. “But don’t worry, my dear, nobody else noticed. Ordinary people don’t listen to the subtle chattering surrounding them.”  
    _How did she notice?_ Was it the way she looked at him? The way they behaved around one another? Did she notice Claudia spent more time with him alone than with any other informant? What was it? What has given them away?  
    _In the end, it doesn’t matter though, does it?_ Nothing could be done about it anymore. She had already figured it out.  
    “Why did you tell me about it?” Claudia demanded, her voice cold and harsh. “Even though you know that I would consider murdering you for the information you possess?”  
    Lady Doyle simply smiled. “I thought it was interesting.” She deeply inhaled the cigarette smoke she had just blown out. “You could stand up and shoot me right now and nobody would doubt you if you said I just dropped dead. Your lover would bury my corpse and I’d take your secret to the grave.” She smiled once more. “But you are you. And you wouldn’t do it. In your heart, you don’t mistrust me.”  
    Claudia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Lady Doyle was right. Of course she was. She always was and precisely that was the problem. She was too observant for her own good. And not only that… She was clever and daring. Just coming out and telling her what she had learned… how foolish. Testing the waters and tempting the devil.  
    Claudia narrowed her eyes at her. “Be sure, should you raise my suspicions even in the slightest…”  
    Lady Doyle giggled. “You will have me biting the dust and nobody will ever know what happened.” A twisted smirk remained on her lips as she put the cigarettes between her lips. “I understand that much, Countess Phantomhive.”  
    A bitter smile pulled at Claudia’s lips. “For your own good, don’t challenge me any further, Lady Doyle. I am not someone to be trifled with. I’d destroy you in the blink of an eye.”  
    “Oh, I won’t,” She cooed in response, taking another puff from her cigarette. “Just verifying my judgement.”  
    Claudia pressed her lips together to a thin line. “Hmph.”  
    _I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all._ Still, she hesitated to kill one of her most important informants. It was true: She didn’t mistrust her per se. But the knowledge she had gained about her – about them - posed a threat to her very existence. In the end, she was the Queen’s Watchdog and just like her ancestors she could be cold and cruel even if she didn’t like it. Claudia would not hesitate to order Lady Doyle’s death should she have the slightest doubts about her loyalties. She would allow nobody to interfere with her – especially not on this matter.  
    Claudia heard Cedric’s fingernails scratching over the wooden door when he knocked. As usual, he entered without waiting. After they exchanged greetings he slumped into a chair and grinned up at her. Lady Doyle’s eyes sparkled knowingly as she met her gaze.  
    _God damnit_ , Claudia cursed inwardly. No indeed, she did not like this at all.  
    But for now, she had to push these thoughts aside. She would have more than enough time to think about this later, after they were finished here. They had gathered to approve the planned initiative and it was about time they finally caught the culprits of the recent cases of murder. She had been on the heels of these criminals for over a month now. The Queen had grown more impatient by the day and Claudia couldn’t afford more failure.  
    During the past weeks, many nobles and middle-class families had been murdered in cold blood, including their servants and every living being residing in their houses and mansions. Even though Claudia had been investigating for weeks she had been unable to prevent the murders or catch the culprits. At first, she had thought they were about drug dealing, illegal weapons or human trafficking organisations but no matter how deeply she had looked into the matter, there had been no connections. Three other families got killed in the meantime. It had taken unnecessarily long for her to find out the motive behind the murders. Hate and the desire for revenge, harboured for so many centuries that neither Claudia nor any of her informants had been able to reveal the connections. It still was a mystery to her how people could inherit the hate of their ancestors and grow insane enough to go as far as to take revenge on the children of people who were long since dead.  
    After they had finally figured out their motive, it hadn’t been hard to guess which family would likely be targeted next. This time, she would catch them red-handed and dispose of every single one of them.  
    After she had finished her explanations about the procedure she had chosen, she looked up. She waited for comments or a voice of dissent, but neither Lady Doyle nor Cedric said anything.  
    “Good,” she continued, twisting the pen between her fingertips. “In that case, we’re done with this matter. I will have Lord Curd informed later this day for his men will participate in the assault. Three more days until this chapter will finally be closed.”  
    Lady Doyle exhaled deeply, blowing smoke towards the ceiling. “Eradication, is it? Effective but ruthless.”  
    Claudia put the notes aside. “I’m just making sure we dispose of _all_ the scum. We already lost too much time, I cannot afford to let even a single one of them escape.”  
    “Thorough and vicious,” Lady Doyle commented while she slowly got up and started to move towards the door. A high-pitched giggle echoed through the room as she turned around and lit yet another cigarette. “No doubt. A plan befitting the Queen’s dog.”  
    She opened the door and looked back one more time, meeting Claudia’s gaze. Lady Doyle smirked, her normally dazed eyes clear and gleaming. She pursed her lips and they formed one silent word: “Woof.”  
    Claudia did not respond. She watched the door fall closed and kept her gaze locked on the dark wood, boiling on the inside. _This insufferable…_  
    A few moments later, Cedric’s fingernail gently slid along her jawline. By now, he was standing next to her.  
    “There is murder all over your face, my dear.” He commented, that everlasting grin plastered on his lips.  
    “She knows,” Claudia answered, her gaze pinned to the closed door. “She knows about us.”  
    Slowly, Cedric pulled his hand back and crooked his head, thinking. “Does she now?” He smiled, but his voice sounded more serious than usual. “I’m not surprised. She’s way more observant than others. I wondered if she’d figure it out someday.”  
    Claudia huffed in irritation and shook her head. No. She was definitely not pleased with this.  
    “So, what is it you’re gonna do now?” Cedric asked and Claudia turned her head to meet the gaze of his yellowish green eyes. “Considering killing her?”  
   “… I don’t know,” Claudia admitted. She did not _want_ to kill her. But Lady Doyle was getting quite cocky lately – and not only today. She was a useful informant, but she knew way too much for her own good. The real question was if she would ever use this knowledge against her. Claudia could not let her, neither of them could. “What do you think?”  
    Cedric thought for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think she’ll pose much of a danger to us. She appears to enjoy ticking you off though.” While talking he stepped around her chair and loosely wrapped his arms around her neck from behind. He bent down before he whispered the next words into her ear. “She’s enjoying this little game, I suppose. But it’s a risky game she’s playing, isn’t it?” He laughed to himself. “Sometimes I forget that you are quite murderous.”  
    A frown spread on her forehead and she tried to meet his gaze. “I’m not murderous.”  
    “Is that so~?” She heard the grin on his lips as he let go off her and stepped in front of the desk once more. Casually, he took her notes and eyed them. “Well. It looks like not a single one of the family that will get targeted next will survive. I’m sure you know that.”  
    “It is my job to capture the culprits and if I were any less strict in my advance, we likely won’t catch all of them,” She answered seriously. “This has been going on for way too long. The Queen is getting more impatient by the day. This is just math.”  
   Cedric dropped the paper on the desk and – to her surprise – made to walk towards the door. Claudia’s frown deepened and she looked up at him in confusion as he moved away. The smile on his lips remained, but something felt wrong about it.  
    “You hold great power,” He stated, his bright eyes never leaving hers. The atmosphere in the room had changed. “And that is why… You are beginning to fail to understand the importance of those things that cannot be recovered.”  
    She opened her mouth, but no reply came to her. The importance of things that cannot be recovered?  
    He looked back at her for a moment longer, the expression in his beautiful eyes unfamiliar and piercing. Then, without another word, he turned to leave her study. The door quietly clicked shut behind him. And with that, he was gone.  
    Claudia just kept staring at the dark wood with a mixture of shock and confusion. What had just happened? He had never before left like this. Even though she had known him for such a long time she couldn’t read his mind. But she felt… scolded. Was he angry with her? Disappointed?  
    _The importance of those things that cannot be recovered_ , she repeated the words he had left her with. Her gaze dropped to the papers lying in front of her, her eyes skipping over the words she had written down earlier. _Am I losing sight of what’s important?_  
   The approach she had chosen to catch the culprits was certainly a death sentence for the family that was about to get attacked. Nobody would be there to help them. Instead, she had made sure that every single one of the culprits would enter the mansion and no one would leave it alive. Including the woman who would be targeted first. Including her husband, their three children and the servant who worked in the household. She would ruthlessly sacrifice the lives of six people to catch a group of murderers.  
   Her fingers traced the words as she remembered the day she had invited Undertaker for a walk into the woods. She remembered the flowers they had picked for that little girl’s funeral. She also remembered how terrible she had felt for her.  
   _I’m a hypocrite_ , she thought to herself. The thought sank in heavily and yet felt strangely right. _Judging people for their crimes, mourning the death of their victims and yet letting six innocent people die without a second thought. Isn’t not trying to save them the same as killing them?_  
    In the end, she couldn’t deny that there was truth in what Cedric has said to her. Looking at her notes made her realize, that yes, she was murderous. And yes, maybe the amount of power she possessed made her blind to the fate of these innocent people, whose death sentence she had just signed. Killing one, five, twenty people and more took her merely one letter, a single order. Had she become so used to giving those orders that she didn’t even think about it anymore? Didn’t even shy away from death in the slightest anymore? Not even the sacrifice of innocent citizens? Innocent children?  
    She liked to think that she was righteous – better than her father - but in truth she wasn’t. This was just as cruel, ruthless and arrogant as everything her father had done in the past. And hadn’t she wanted to do things differently? When had she become like this? When had she stopped caring about the lives of the people she had sworn to protect by becoming the Queen’s Watchdog?  
    _I’m turning into a monster_. Her father had once told her that this was the burden that came with the name of Phantomhive and yet, she couldn’t accept it. Not even now that she had realized that she was well on the way to becoming one as well.  
    She spent the rest of the day locked up in her study, bent over her papers, pondering until her head felt like it was ready to explode. She left her desk only to eat, but realized that she didn’t have an appetite. When it was time to retire to bed, she took the papers with her and put them on the desk in her bedroom. She lay down only to get up after ten minutes of trying to fall asleep, returning to her desk and spending another few hours pondering over the same sentences, crossing them and writing new ones only to cross them again. Eventually, she fell asleep on top of her desk.  
    When she heard someone calling her, she was sure it was morning again and her maid had entered her room to wake her up only to find her sleeping on her desk. But as she opened her eyes, she realized it was still deepest night. It was dark and cold. She was shaking slightly as she pushed herself up, her papers sticking to her cheek for a second before they fell down on the desk.  
    She blinked, still in a daze. The first thing she noticed was a grave headache that had formed at the front of her head. And god, she was _freezing_. She hadn’t put on anything over her thin sleeping gown. Apparently, she had been too taken in by pondering over the planned initiative to actually notice how cold the air around her had become. On top of that, she had somehow managed to fall asleep in the process. How many hours had she been sleeping in this cold?  
    “Claudia?” This was not her maid’s voice.  
    She touched her forehead, pain blooming in her head and looked up to find Cedric standing next to her desk. There was not even the trace of a smile on his face and his eyes were covered by the long silvery bangs.  
    “Oh,” she managed, getting up from the chair. Her muscles ached with every movement. “I must have fallen asleep.” Just as she had spoken the words she already felt stupid. As if it hadn’t been obvious.  
    Claudia aimlessly walked up to her bed, unsure of what she had even meant to do there. She shivered and had to try very hard to stop her teeth from starting to chatter. She looked around for her dressing gown and when she couldn’t see it anywhere nearby she just sat down on the edge of her bed and endured the cold silently. She had no idea what to say.  
    “… You’re revising your plans.” Cedric noticed.  
    She heard the papers rustling as he read them, but didn’t bother to turn to look at him. She just sat there with her hands folded and her arms shaking from the cold.  
    “Why did you decide to change it?” He asked after a few more moments, his voice noticeably softer than usual.  
    Claudia couldn’t help but laugh even though she found nothing funny about his question. “I just realized that I am a murderous monster.” She examined her fingers while she spoke. “And I never wanted to be one.”  
    Silence fell over them. She didn’t know when she had become this gruesome. She was downright disgusted with herself. When she thought about the family, about the little children she had been about to sacrifice and her own son who was sleeping in her maid’s room she felt sick.  
    Before she knew it, there were tears rising to her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but instead they started to silently pour down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, trying to pull herself together, but they just kept running, making her feel even more pathetic.  
    She was inclined to turn her head away, when she heard Cedric stepping closer, but the tears that kept dripping down her chin gave her away anyway. So instead, she just kept staring at her own hands, shivering from the cold with her lips pressed together to a thin line.  
    Wordlessly, he sat down next to her. She felt his gaze lingering on her face and after a few moments, he gently touched her shaking arm. “You will catch a cold.”  
    Claudia felt a lump building in her throat at the sound of his voice that held so much kindness she felt she didn’t deserve. Not now, not today. It took an almost inhumane effort to pull her shivering arm away from his merciful warm hand. “Don’t be kind to me.”  
    She hadn’t really expected him to listen to her on this so she wasn’t surprised, when he shifted closer and wrapped his arms around her shivering form in spite of what she had said. Yet she remained rigid like a statue, frozen in place.  
    “I’m a monster,” She mumbled through her tears and knitted her eyebrows at the view of her own hands. Not for the first time today, she felt like the shadows the candlelight threw on them looked like blood.  
    “No, you’re not,” Cedric whispered in response, gently stroking her hair. “You’ve made a mistake and you blame yourself. That’s not what makes anybody a monster. It’s what makes us human.”  
   Her lower lip started to tremble at his words and two more silent tears slid down her cheeks. Maybe he was right, but she still couldn’t forgive herself. If he hadn’t reacted the way he did, she might have just gone through with her plan, not even wasting a second thought on it. These people could have been dead if it hadn’t been for him. What had she been thinking? Why hadn’t she tried harder to find a better solution? Because the Queen had been nagging her? What a poor excuse.  
    Many thoughts were going through her mind, but she still couldn’t produce any proper sentences, couldn’t find anything to say. So in the end, she let her eyes fall closed and turned to wrap her arms around him after all, taking in the comfort and warmth he offered her despite the cruelty she had displayed. Sometimes, she could not wrap her head around him. He had been angry with her, disappointed, hadn’t he? Yet, he had come to see her without question, was even willing to comfort her in her misery.  
    “Why did you come?” She mumbled against the fabric of his coat, tears still falling from her eyes. “I thought you were angry with me.”  
    He kept silent for a moment before he answered, his voice soft and barely above a whisper. “I was never angry. I just wanted you to think about your decision, is all. And I see that you did – and reached the conclusion I had thought you would.” He bent down a bit to press a gentle kiss on the top of her head before he continued quietly. “And I came tonight because I had a feeling you were already beating yourself up, so I didn’t want to leave you alone.”  
    She could not help but to smile through her tears. “You really are impossible,” she managed and pulled back a bit to look at his face. With shivering fingers, she brushed his bangs aside and smiled at him tearfully. “Thank you.”  
    He smiled back at her and gently wiped a few tears off her cheek. As his fingers touched her skin, his expression turned more serious. “You’re chilled to the bone. Come, let’s get you underneath the blanket.”  
    She nodded in agreement, but didn’t make any move to actually do so before Cedric had taken off his boots and his coats. She smiled a bit when she noticed that he was wearing the trousers of his pyjamas instead of the tight leather trousers he usually wore. In the meantime, she started to wipe her nose with a handkerchief, willing herself to stop crying with less success than she would have hoped. A few stray tears still escaped her eyes from time to time.  
    When Cedric had put his clothing under the bed, she followed him underneath the blanket, snuggling up to his warm, lean body. She sighed in relief when he wrapped his arms around her tightly, rubbing her back and her arms to warm her up. Nothing, not even a hot-water bottle, could keep up with the pleasant warmth of his body, both soothing and warming her. It didn’t take long until she stopped shivering and relaxed into his embrace.  
    “Better?” He whispered against her hair. She could hear the gentle smile on his lips.  
    “Yes,” she breathed and tightened her embrace to chase even the last bit of cold out of her body.  
    After they had fallen silent again, it didn’t take long for her mind to drift off, recalling the events of the day. Not only the cruel initiative she regretted so deeply, but also the talk with Lady Doyle. And not just her telling Claudia that she had found out about Cedric and her, but also the thoughts that had plagued her earlier.  
    Her mind had barely touched the memory when she already felt her chest going tight with pain. Soon, Vincent would become too aware of those around him, would learn to speak his first words. Soon, Cedric would no longer be able to visit him without the danger of Vincent unconsciously giving them away.  
    She could have not said how he had noticed, but it wasn’t long before Cedric pulled back a bit to meet her gaze. The smile on his lips had faded as he examined her features, his fingertip gently touching the turned down corner of her mouth and tugging it up a bit. This time, she didn’t manage to smile.  
   He brushed his hand over her still wet check instead and gazed at her, searching her eyes, before he spoke softly. “What are you thinking about?”  
    She could not hold his gaze any longer so she avoided it and tried to say out loud what was plaguing her. But she couldn’t. She could not say the words, could not even bear to mention it.  
    “Is it about Lady Doyle?” He asked quietly. “That she found out about us?”  
    Claudia took a deep breath and shook her head. “No…” She paused, still fighting for words. She knitted her brows in agony when she finally found her voice. “It’s… It’s about Vincent… He is growing up rapidly and…” She broke off again.  
    “Soon, I won’t be able to see him anymore.” Cedric finished her sentence quietly. Even though she noticed that he tried to maintain his composure, his voice was thin, as if he was barely able to speak the words.  
    Claudia let her eyes fall closed and nodded, swallowing. To hear him say it out loud hurt even more than the thought alone.  
    The silence in the room stretched on. Claudia knew that they didn’t have much more time, that they needed to talk about this, but she couldn’t bring herself to. If there had been a way to change it: She would have done anything to do so.  
    After maybe two minutes, Cedric exhaled slowly as if he was willing his voice to stay steady. “Can I… come to see him… one more time?”  
    Claudia looked up at him in shock, but his long bangs had fallen into his face and covered his eyes. This time, he was avoiding her gaze.  
    “Of course,” She whispered brokenly, reached for his hand and gently stroked it with her thumb in a futile attempt to comfort him. Again, tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” She managed with difficulty and started to wipe her tears only to have them replaced by new ones. “I shouldn’t be the one – to cry. It’s not me who-” She couldn’t finish the sentence.  
    He opened his mouth and when he continued, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I will see him one more time, won’t I? So… it’s still too early for me to cry.”  
    Despite what he had said, Claudia heard his voice quivered ever so slightly. The corners of his mouth were turned down and she knew that if she had been able to see his eyes, she would have seen him blinking away tears.  
    Every word of comfort she could have said sounded hollow in her own head, so the only thing for her left to do was tighten her embrace and hold onto him.  
    _Why. Why does it have to be like this?_ They had always known that this day would arrive sometime, but now that it had come, Claudia could not bear it. Every kind of happiness they ever found was soon to be followed by pain. Nothing ever remained simple for them. For her, it was almost incomprehensible how much pain they had already gone through together since they had met - since they had fallen in love.  
    “I’m sorry.” These were the first words she managed to choke out, her face pressed up against his chest. “If I hadn’t…” She broke off. If she hadn’t come to his parlour, had not fallen in love with him, had not asked for his name or kissed him and hadn’t asked him to sleep with her… “I’m so sorry. For everything… I put you through.” She had never ever meant to hurt him. But now…  
    She stilled and opened her clenched eyes when he rested his hand on the back of her head and pressed a long, loving kiss to her forehead.  
    “Don’t be sorry.” His voice was quiet and when she listened closely, she could still hear the strain in it, but it was also warm and gentle. “I _never_ regretted a single second of this. I am glad that I met you and grateful for every moment we spent together. I love you.”  
    She let her eyes fall closed once more, one more tear escaping her eye and sinking into the fabric of his clothing. “And I love you. More than words could say.”

They spent the night lying in each other’s arms and seeking comfort in each other’s presence. Sleep didn’t come for either of them that night, so they tried distracting themselves from the horror that was soon to come by talking to each other.  
    When the night they had dreaded so much arrived, neither of them slept either. Cedric knelt next to Vincent’s cradle for hours, watching over his sleep and Claudia remained by his side. The boy woke up especially early that night and Claudia wasn’t sure if it was coincidence or if he had sensed their gazes. Cedric spent their remaining time playing with him like he had always done, in all those months that had passed up until now. Too soon, dawn arrived.  
   The next minutes were branded into Claudia’s memories, pictures so painfully vivid that she relived them again and again for days and weeks. He had told her goodbye first. She had kissed him like she always did and had tried her best to hold back her tears as she had watched him walking up to his son’s cradle.  
    Vincent was still awake and looked up at his father when Cedric bent over him and gently reached for his little hand that was just big enough to hold onto a single finger of his.  
    She remembered how he had bent down to press a long, gentle kiss to his son’s forehead before he had pulled back to speak to him as a father for one last time.  
    “Even if I cannot come back to see you anymore,” He whispered with his voice hoarse and nearly breaking. “I will always, _always_ think of you. And I will love you forever.” He choked up on the last words and his shoulders twitched with a mute sob. Claudia felt her heart breaking in her chest, like a glass vase that hit the floor and shattered.  
    He gazed at his son a moment longer and Vincent looked back at him with an expression that was both puzzled and distressed until slowly and gently, Cedric freed his finger from the tight clutch of his son’s hand. Claudia would have liked nothing better than to run to his side and embrace him, to comfort him and cry with him. But she knew that he had to leave and if she embraced him now, he would break down on the spot.  
    In the end, he turned away from the cradle. Claudia saw tears running down his cheeks as he walked towards the balcony, but before she could change her mind, he disappeared into thin air. Gone, the final words he had left his son with still hanging in the air.  
    She barely managed to cover her mouth before she sobbed quietly, pressing her eyes shut while tears forced their way out anyway. She stopped and raised her head when Vincent started to cry in his cradle. She walked up to him to soothe him, but that night, he didn’t stop crying, no matter what she tried. He was still a baby and maybe he couldn’t express himself in words, but he had still felt the distress and despair of his parents. It was almost as if he had understood that he would not see Cedric again – not before he was old enough to meet Undertaker, one of the Evil Noblemen. But not as his father.  
    Shortly after she had got up and had forced herself to choke down a bit of the breakfast her servants had served, she had rushed to London, to Cedric’s funeral parlour, to pick up the pieces his heart hat shattered into that night.


	15. A Grim Reaper's Crime

After Cedric had said his final goodbyes to his son, life continued like nothing had happened, however cruel this reality was. Claudia spent the majority of her time working and caring for Vincent, who soon spoke his first words, and met Cedric whenever she could. Of course, she also kept close track of Lady Doyle’s movements. For now, there was nothing that pointed towards disloyalty, but this was something Claudia would have to keep track of for years, maybe decades, depending on how much longer Lady Doyle walked the Earth.  
    There was one thing though that didn’t change after that dreadful night of parting. Even now, Cedric sometimes sneaked into the Manor when she was alone. He was no longer able to see his son at night, but he was still able to see her. Long periods of not being able to visit him became easier to endure now, since after a few days, his voice would gently wake her and as soon as she’d open her eyes, she would see Cedric standing at her bedside with that charming smirk of his gracing his lips.  
    About a year after Vincent’s birth her husband asked her if she was ready to extend their family – to have another child. She didn’t have much of a counterargument, so in the end, she agreed. Soon, she became pregnant once more – and just as the first time with no clue who the unborn child’s father was. This second pregnancy was much easier to endure for Cedric kept visiting her frequently at night during the months she was not allowed to leave the Manor anymore. With him at her side, everything seemed simpler and brighter.  
    After nine months, she gave birth to a healthy girl whom she gave the name Francis. She was an energetic toddler, lovely and determined in doing even the simplest things. But it was rather obvious that she wasn’t Cedric’s daughter. She was not emitting the feeling of latent potential like Vincent had, her hair was blond just like that of Claudia’s husband and they shared the same eye colour as well. But in the end, she was her daughter and Claudia loved her, no matter whose blood she shared. And sometimes, she caught herself thinking that this time, maybe it had been better like this. After all this time, she knew that Cedric still suffered miserably over not being able to see his son and having to keep a polite distance from him whenever he did. To think that the same could have happened again… She did not want him to have to endure any more pain than he already was. Life hadn’t been kind to them, especially recently.  
    Quickly but diligently, Claudia picked up the papers and notes from her desk and stored them in their respective folder. A brief meeting with the Evil Noblemen had just ended. Fortunately, she hadn’t been very busy lately and the case she was tasked with this time did seem rather uncomplicated. The Evil Noblemen had left by now – except for Cedric. After she had sorted everything away, she turned to find him standing at the window, gazing into the distance.  
    There was not even the trace of a smile on his lips. He just stood there, lost in thought and fidgeting with the mourning hair chain dandling around his hip. The past few days, his smiles had grown disturbingly rare. The last week had been anything but happy.  
    Slowly, she walked up to him and looked down at the locket he held between his slender fingers: Alex B, 20. April 1854. It had only been a week since then. Claudia herself could still barely grasp that she would never meet him again. She hadn’t seen him often over the course of the last few years, only three or four times, but she had liked him. She still vividly remembered him joking and laughing over society, nobility, everything he could think of. He’d had an eye for everything ridiculous in this country and had been skilled at turning even the bitterest reality into a laughing matter. And now, he was gone.  
    Claudia had been aware that Alex had been having issues with his health, but she would have never thought it would take his life so soon. When she had last met him, he had seemed fine, but during the last weeks, his condition had gradually become worse. She knew that not too long ago, he had suddenly collapsed in Cedric’s funeral parlour. There had been nothing for Cedric to do except call a doctor and have him brought to a hospital. Back then, the doctors had said that it was unlikely Alex would recover – and they had ended up being right: Alex only got worse and it became clear that soon, death would reach out for him.  
    A week ago, Cedric had been called to his mansion. With Alex’ condition being as bad as it was, he had expected to be needed in his capacity as a mortician – that Alex had died from his sickness - but as Cedric arrived he had still been alive – barely, but still hanging on. Claudia knew that Cedric had spent the last hour of Alex’ life sitting at his bedside, silently begging death to spare him, but in the end, it took him.  
    No matter how much death and grief Cedric had already seen in his life: Losing and laying to rest a friend he had cared for was not the same as burying a stranger. Yet, he pushed through all this misery. After he had buried Alex’ deceased children and his wife, Cedric probably felt like he needed to do the same for Alex, now that he had followed them. But the strain of the past week had left its marks on him. He had barely slept or eaten, he was paler than usual and his usually clear gaze seemed oddly dull.  
    Claudia reached out for him and gently caressed his arm, trying to interrupt his depressing thoughts. He lifted his gaze from Alex’ locket to look at her, his green yellowish eyes shimmering with grief and exhaustion.  
    She took his hand and lead him two steps away from the window, so nobody would be able to see them as she comfortingly wrapped her arms around him and caressed his back. He silently let his forehead drop on her shoulder and returned her embrace, taking in her warmth and the comfort of her presence. When they pulled apart, he offered her a tired but nevertheless sincere smile.  
    “Do you want to go for a walk?” Claudia asked, brushing back the bangs that had fallen into his face. Maybe that would help distract him, even if only for a while. She could barely remember the last time they had gone for a walk together.  
    “Won’t we raise unwanted attention?” He asked after a moment of hesitation. The dark, blueish shadows underneath his eyes served as silent witnesses for the many sleepless nights he had been through.  
    She shrugged. “I don’t think so. It’s rather warm outside too. Nobody would be surprised that I’d want to take a walk. I’ll just take a few papers with me so we can pretend to be working.”  
    Cedric merely nodded and she turned to take a few papers out of a drawer. Before he could open the door Claudia put a hand on his arm to stop him. She took the time to stand up on tiptoes to kiss him tenderly before they would leave the secrecy of her study. He briefly smiled at her before they did.  
    The air outside was still cool, but the sun had already gained strength and when they stepped out of the shadows, Claudia immediately felt warmer. The scent of spring was in the air. She wouldn’t have known how to describe it, but her mind strongly connected it to this season. It was the scent of the first mild days after a long and harsh winter.  
    “I’m glad the winter is over,” She said quietly while they passed a patch with flowers that were still waiting for their time to bloom. “The Season will start in a while. I can visit your shop more frequently and we’ll have more time and privacy.”  
    “Yes… The winter has been long,” He mumbled in response.  
    His voice sounded unfamiliarly hollow and void of energy. The corners of his mouth were turned down, not even a hint of a smile, a smirk or a grin to be seen. In the sunlight, his face appeared even paler than it had in her study. She knitted her eyebrows in concern and inwardly cursed for not even being able to take his hand to attempt comforting him.  
    She opened her mouth to ask him if she could do something – anything – to make him feel better, when…  
    “Mother!”  
    She stopped and turned around to find three year-old Vincent running towards her, her husband following him in a short distance. Apparently, they had made use of the pleasant weather as well.  
    Claudia smiled at the boy and crouched down when he had reached her, his small little fingers grabbing for her seemingly gigantic arm. Her husband and Cedric exchanged a polite nod.  
    “Hey,” she greeted the little boy who was smiling up at her. “Are you having fun?”  
    Vincent nodded eagerly, his eyes shimmering in the sunlight. “We played with a ball.”  
    “That’s nice.” She gently brushed a strand of his dark blueish hair out of his face. It was getting quite long again.  
    Her son opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then his eyes fell on Cedric who was standing behind her. Curiously, the boy glanced up at the man clad in black. On the spur of the moment, Claudia decided to use this opportunity to officially introduce them to each other – however strange it felt. All the times Cedric had held the boy in his arms were still so prominent in her mind.  
    “This is Undertaker,” She introduced him. “Do you want to say ‘hello’?”  
    Vincent looked at Cedric for a moment longer and Claudia couldn’t help but wonder if he recognized something about him. There was something about his gaze… Just like when you are sure that you met someone before but cannot remember when or where. He had been so little back then, unable to talk or walk, but…  
    Slowly, he took his fingers off her arm and walked up to Cedric, his eyes fixed on his father’s face. After another moment, the boy smiled gently, no fear or discomfort evident on his soft features. “Hello. I’m Vincent.”  
    Even though nothing about Cedric’s posture visibly changed she noticed how Vincent’s words, the sweet smile and his attention targeted at him after all this time left him thunderstruck. She sensed how he had to force himself to not step closer to his child. In the end, Cedric simply smiled. “Hello Vincent. It’s nice to meet you.”  
    The boy looked satisfied and Claudia inwardly sighed in relief at Vincent’s positive reaction. She couldn’t have imagined anything more horrible than if he had been afraid. Even most adults thought of Cedric as creepy and Vincent was still a little child, so it wouldn’t have been surprising. But he still was his son and Cedric loved him. She didn’t dare to imagine the pain of having your own child being afraid of you.  
    “We wanted to go inside soon,” Her husband interrupted her thoughts, a polite smile on his lips. “It’s almost time for Vincent’s nap.”  
    “Oh, yes.” It was this late again. She turned to her son once more and gently stroked over his hair. “Sleep well, my dear. I’ll see you later.”  
    He nodded in response. “Can we play later?” He asked, his eyes gleaming with expectation.  
    Claudia couldn’t help but to laugh softly. “Of course. After your nap, alright?”  
    Vincent nodded with a satisfied grin on his small lips. “Alright.” Every time he grinned like this, he reminded her so much of Cedric.  
    Slowly, Claudia stood up and Vincent returned to her husband’s side, taking hold of his hand. Her son smiled at Cedric and her one more time before they turned and left towards the Manor. After a few steps, they vanished behind a corner.  
    Claudia turned around to look at Cedric. Even though it was not obvious by looking at him she could easily sense his inner turmoil. “Are you alright?” She asked quietly, forcing herself to not step closer and take his hand.  
    He nodded after a moment of hesitation and forced himself to take his gaze off the corner his son had vanished behind. “I should leave soon. You don’t have much free time to spend with him either.”  
    Claudia wanted to shake her head, but it was true: She did work a lot. But she still didn’t want him to leave because of that.  
    “I get even less time to spend with you.” She objected softly.  
    For a moment, he smiled, but it only lasted a second. When he spoke again, his voice was just above a whisper. “Can I come tonight?”  
    “Of course.” She had told him a few days ago that she had made sure nobody would disturb her at night so he was free to visit whenever he felt like it. Vincent and Francis were either sleeping in her maid’s or her husband’s room right now, as she had told them she had difficulties sleeping lately. Of course, that had only been an excuse. “For now, you can come every night if you want to.”  
    This time, the small smile on his lips lasted longer. “Thank you.”  
    She blinked in surprise and shook her head. “Don’t thank me for that. Of course you can come every night. I told you so. Of course I’d want to be by your side, especially in times like these. I wish I could be there all the time.”  
    And she deeply regretted that she couldn’t, every single day. She also deeply regretted that she couldn’t kiss him right now, couldn’t even hug him or take his hand. And she sensed that he thought the same.  
    “I will see you later,” He said instead while keeping this polite distance the rules of society demanded.  
    She nodded. “I’ll be waiting.”

It was almost midnight when Claudia looked up from her book at the sound of his step. She wanted to smile at him, but before she could he stumbled and almost lost balance. Quickly, she threw the book on the nightstand and got up to help him sitting down on the edge of her bed.  
    “What is it? Are you dizzy?” She asked hushed, her voice thick with concern.  
    He shook his head. “It’s from using my powers… I’m just exhausted.”  
    Gently, Claudia brushed the bangs out of his face to meet the gaze of his tiny red eyes, rimmed by dark shadows. He looked terrible, like he was about to fall ill or collapse. His whole body seemed to shake ever so slightly. “When was the last time you slept?”  
    He smiled helplessly. “I don’t remember.”  
    “Oh dear…” He most definitely needed to sleep. And she would find a way to lull him into sleep, one way or another. She’d do anything, even read him bedtime stories.  
    “You need to lie down and rest, Cedric. Come on, I’ll help you.” She crouched in front of him to open the clasps of his boots and then took them off. Afterwards, she patiently but quickly opened the countless buttons on his coats to help him take them off as well. He just let her undress him, rose a leg or an arm from time to time to help her, but other than that, he remained static. He looked like he could fall over any moment. She had never seen him this exhausted. She had never seen _anyone_ looking this exhausted.  
    When she was finished and had stored his clothing beneath the bed she motioned for him to crawl underneath the blanket and he did just that. Wordlessly, she got up and made for the doors of her bedroom to lock them. She usually didn’t, but with his current condition, she didn’t know if he could get up in time should the need arise. It was unlikely as neither Vincent nor Francis were sick and the case she was working on right now didn’t look like it’d cause any emergencies, but it was better to be safe than sorry. On top of that, she knew that Cedric wouldn’t be able to fall asleep when he had to be wary of people entering her bedroom. No, the doors were better off locked tonight. She could always find an excuse for locking the door, but having someone lying in her bed was an entirely different matter.  
    After silently locking them she returned to her bed and got underneath the blanket. Cedric’s eyes were barely open as she crawled towards him. She gently brushed his hair back and pressed a long, tender kiss on the top of his head.  
    “Claudia…” His voice was barely audible and when she looked down at his face she was shocked to find unshed tears shimmering in his eyes. “I feel like I’m about to lose it.”  
    _Oh Cedric…_ She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. “You’re going to be fine,” she whispered against his hair. Slowly, her fingers combed through the long silvery strands, massaging his scalp and the tense muscles in his neck. “I’m with you. Everything is alright. Just relax.”  
    She had a vague idea of what he was talking about. She had never spent more than three days in a row awake, but she remembered the suffering of being tired and not being able to sleep – back when her father had died and she had succeeded him. The exhaustion, both physically and emotionally, the increasing hysteria, first the urge to burst into laughter, easily subsided by a shapeless feeling of rage up until the only urge left had been to bawl her eyes out or hit her head against a wall to have merciful unconsciousness engulfing her.  
    “Don’t stop…”  
    She looked down when she heard his tired mumbling and was surprised to find him half asleep from her fingers kneading his tense neck and occasionally combing through his hair. He shuddered softly and turned his head to grant her better access, just like a kitten seeking affection. She smiled to herself as she continued to caress his skin and tried to loosen the muscle tension in both his shoulders and neck. He hadn’t slept for multiple days so she was almost surprised that a simple act such as this would let him fall asleep that easily – not that she was complaining. If anything, she was relieved that his restless mind finally started to calm, allowing sleep to take over.  
    As he went limp in her arms, she let her touches grow lighter to not accidently wake him now that his mind and body were finally giving into his fatigue. He twitched a few times, but not strongly enough to actually wake up from it. After more than half an hour, his body stilled and his breathing turned soft and deep. He had fallen asleep in her arms.  
    Claudia heaved a silent sigh of relief. She barely dared to move a muscle in fear she would wake him up. As carefully as humanly possible she lay down on the pillow next to him, his face only inches away from hers. Her arms would probably go stiff soon, but she would bear with it as long as he got the rest he needed so desperately. She couldn’t turn to blow out the candle on her nightstand either, but it was safe to let it burn anyway. She had fallen asleep while reading a book countless times so she would know.  
    For a while, Claudia just watched his sleeping face, relieved at the now peaceful expression on his pale features. The shadows the candle threw on his face emphasized the dark circles underneath his eyes, making them look even worse. Even though he now was asleep, she could not shake off her worry. The last time she had seen him similarly exhausted and physically weakened was when he had been sick with that terribly high fever a few years ago. Even though he was a Grim Reaper, his body was at its limits by now – and this time, it was not only his body. The cause of all this was Alex’s death haunting him, even after a week. During all this time, she had not seen him shedding a single tear of grief, as if he was just locking it in while it slowly ate away at him.  
    After a while, Claudia felt her eyelids growing heavy as well. She struggled a bit longer, but in the end, she let them fall closed and slowly, sleep began to sweep her away.  
    It lasted only a few hours. Her sleep was light so she was awake immediately when she felt Cedric jerking up. It just took one look at his face to know he had been haunted by nightmares. He was breathing heavily, his face glistening with cold sweat.  
    She sat up and gently caressed his arm. “Are you alright…?”  
    He didn’t respond. It was not the first time she had witnessed him being woken up by nightmares. In fact, it happened more often than it didn’t.  
    “What was it about…?” She asked carefully, hoping to snap him out of it.  
    “It was… back then.” His gaze was fixed on his hands and yet he seemed to gaze right through them, as if he saw something entirely different. “I was still… human. And… I had a family. There was a plague spreading in town. Many people fell victim to it. My son caught it first, then my daughter… Their deaths were only three hours apart. My wife struggled for one more day, but…” He shook his head with a mixture of disbelief and despair. “I was the only one left. I… I buried them. Even after touching their bodies, kissing their lips… I was waiting to be struck down by it too, every day, but it spared me… I didn’t know what to do. I had lost everything, every single person I loved. I couldn’t- I couldn’t bear to be without them so I took a gun and-”  
    He broke off, but her mind finished the sentence on its own. Claudia looked down at his hand and could almost see it: the dark shape of a gun, pointed at himself. This hadn’t been just a dream, had it? This had been real. And slowly, it dawned on her.  
    “That’s the crime…?” She whispered in disbelief. “That’s the crime that turned you into a Grim Reaper?”  
    He looked up at her with a start. Slowly, realization was dawning in his eyes, as if he had barely noticed that he had said all these things out loud.  
    _This cannot be true. That_ was his crime? That he had been struck by fate so cruelly and harshly that he had killed himself? After God had taken everything from him he dared to punish him for not being able to go on?  
    “That is so cruel.” She couldn’t find any other words to describe what she was feeling. A man who had suffered the loss of his family and had killed himself in despair… forced to work as a Grim Reaper. Only to have to face death and grief every single day, for centuries to come.  
    For the second time that night she saw tears welling up in his tired and reddened eyes. This time, he just let them fall. She didn’t bother trying to wipe them away and instead embraced him tightly. She heard him swallowing with difficulty, as if trying to bite it back, but in the end he just gave in and sobbed weakly. He started to cry in her arms, his shoulders twitching with every broken sob that escaped his lips. There was so much anguish and pain in the quiet noises he made that Claudia felt like her heart was breaking to pieces in her chest.  
    To think that he had _killed_ himself. To imagine that he had taken a gun and shot himself, in hopes to be reunited with his family or at least to escape this cruel, lonely world that had robbed him of everything. Only to come back to life, his body turned into that of a Grim Reaper, an immortal being. Being told to face death, loss and grief for centuries to come to reach ‘redemption’ for the ‘crime’ he had committed. All alone in this cruel and harsh world he had wanted to escape, the loss of his family still tearing at him – even now, after all this time. To think how much pain he had been put through by these people – by God, or whoever had decided on this shit. The thought alone made her so mad.  
    But for now, she pushed her anger aside. There was nothing she could do to change what had happened to him. Right now, the only thing for her to do was to hold him as he crumbled beneath the misery of the last week - maybe even the last century, she could only imagine. She gently stroked over Cedric’s long, silky hair and leaned her head against his while he cried his anguish against her shoulder. It took a while until his breathing started to calm and even after his tears had subsided, Claudia kept holding onto him. She had no idea what to do or say. She would have _never_ thought – not even for a second - that suicide could have been his ‘crime’. Even calling it that made her sick.  
    When she felt like he had mostly regained his composure, she pulled back a few inches to look at him. He avoided her gaze and instead looked at the dark watermarks his tears had left on their clothing.  
    “I’m sorry,” He mumbled quietly. “I couldn’t help it.”  
    “Don’t be. It’s alright.” She gently cupped his cheek and brushed a few tears away, her eyebrows knitted in concern. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”  
    Cedric took a deep breath before he raised his head to look at her. She held the gaze of his moist eyes and after a few moments, a small smile spread on his lips. It was very different from the smiles he usually gave her. It was mingled with anguish and bitterness, but at the same time it held gratitude and gentleness. She bent forward to kiss his lips, salty from the tears he had cried. Instead of pulling back, she leaned her forehead against his and when he let his eyes fall closed, she did the same.  
    For a while, they just sat like this in silence. Claudia couldn’t find anything to say and to be honest: There wasn’t much for her to say other than she that she was sorry for him. She couldn’t turn back time, couldn’t change these horrible things that had happened to him. She could only offer him her sympathy and comfort in these times of pain and suffering.  
   While they sat like this, she recalled a conversation they’d had a few years ago. ' _It’s not that uncommon. For people who have suffered loss to surround themselves with even more death, loss and grief’_ she repeated in her mind the words he had said to her. Back then, she had not been able to fully grasp the consequences of his words. Today it had become painfully obvious that what he had said hadn’t just applied to Alex, but also to Cedric himself. Both of them had lost their whole family, their wives and two children. Even after escaping his duty as a Grim Reaper, Cedric had started to work as a mortician, forever connected to death and the grief of those left behind. And Alex had sought comfort in his presence and had befriended him – a mortician and a Grim Reaper, though the latter Alex wouldn’t have known.  
    When Claudia pulled back after a while, she lifted her hand and started to carefully wipe the remnants of tears off Cedric’s cheeks. He left his eyes closed while she brushed her thumb over his pale skin.  
    “Alex and you…,” Claudia whispered as the silence began to stretch. “You were very alike, weren’t you?”  
    Slowly, Cedric opened his eyes, his gaze lost in the distance. “Our fates were - but we… we weren’t.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “He went on when I gave up. I succumbed to despair while he retained hope. He always moved forwards… I didn’t.”  
    He swallowed hard. “There were times when I almost expected him to… turn out like I did,” Cedric continued quietly, a frown building on his forehead. “But he didn’t. Even after the death of his daughter… He never gave up.” Cedric shook his head, in disbelief or trying to shake off these memories, she couldn’t tell. “I’m glad he didn’t. I’m glad that he got the chance to be reunited with his family, even if it’s in death. But even so…”  
    She saw tears welling up in Cedric’s eyes once more, but he closed them before any more could fall. When he continued, his voice was thin and thick with tears. “He was my friend… And I miss him.”  
    She wrapped her arms around his body soothingly and he leaned into her embrace when she did. Taking a shaky breath, he pressed his face against her shoulder. This time, he didn’t utter a sound, but she felt silent tears dropping onto her shoulder as she held him. Finally, he shed those tears he had been keeping in for a week, finally allowing himself to mourn. Even when he was glad that Alex’ death had not been self-induced and that now, he might be reunited with his family again, he had still lost a dear friend and had every right to cry over his loss.  
    They only parted when Cedric pulled back a bit to wipe the tears off his face. His hands were still a bit shaky, but this time, his eyes remained dry. The expression of pain and despair that had been on his features earlier was now replaced by one of pure and utter exhaustion, both physically and emotionally.  
    “Do you want to lie down and try to get some rest?” Claudia asked softly, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. “It’s still in the middle of the night.”  
    He nodded slightly and touched his forehead as if the movement had caused him pain. “Yeah… That’d be for the best.”  
    As he lay down, she noticed that he was very careful to not rest his head onto the pillow with any more impact than absolutely necessary. For a moment, he pressed the palms of his hands against his temples as if he was trying to keep his head from shattering. By now, a terrible headache must have built up in his head.  
    Carefully, Claudia rested her fingertips on his temples and gently started to move them in circles over his skin. Cedric sighed in relief and let his eyes fall closed.  
    Claudia smiled at his expression. “Good?”  
    “Yes,” He breathed in response, leaning into her touch a bit.  
    She spent the next few minutes gently kneading his temples and scalp to ease the tension that must have built up in his muscles and caused his headache. Only when the expression of pain on his features was replaced by one of relaxation, she pulled her hands back. A few moments later, he opened his eyes to gaze up at her, a smile tugging at his lips. As she held his gaze, she noticed that he looked… relieved. More like himself.  
    She smiled back at him. “Are you feeling better?”  
    “A lot better,” He responded sincerely. “Thank you.”  
    Claudia blinked in surprise and crooked her head curiously. “For what?” It wasn’t as if she had done anything special.  
    The smile on his lips grew wider and he laughed softly, starting to play with a strand of her hair like he usually did whenever it was down. “Ah… everything,” He answered tenderly. “For always being by my side. For laughing with me when I’m happy and for comforting me when I’m sad. And for loving me even when I’m a crying mess like I am now.”  
    Claudia chuckled quietly. “Of course I would,” She answered with just as much tenderness. “I’ll always be with you, especially when you’re sad or hurt. And you’re not a mess. In fact, you’re beautiful even when your eyes are all red and puffy.”  
    A charming grin spread on his lips at her comment, so warm and familiar that Claudia couldn’t help but to grin back at him. He let go off the strand of hair he had twirled around his index finger and opened his arms instead, silently asking her to come closer. She smiled and complied gladly, snuggling up to his warm body. She let her eyes fall closed when he cradled her lovingly. For a while, they just revelled in each other’s presence and warmth, but it wasn’t long before Cedric gently broke the silence.  
    “I never meant to tell anyone,” He whispered. “The ‘crime’ that turns a human into a Grim Reaper.”  
    Claudia opened her eyes and stared into the distance for a few seconds as she thought her answer over.  
    “You didn’t really tell me,” She answered after a while. “I just… made a conclusion. But I can see how it might be problematic for humans to know about this so I’ll keep it to myself.”  
    “That would be best indeed.” His hand came to rest on her shoulder blade and she noticed that he hesitated for a moment. “When I woke up… as a Grim Reaper… I was devastated. But looking back now, it wasn’t all bad.” When he continued she heard a smile on his lips. “I met some people I grew to care for. I met _you_. I can watch my child growing up. And there are a lot of ridiculous and amusing things I couldn’t even see when I was still human. As long as we can laugh about it, I can bear this world.”  
    She smiled against his chest and lifted her chin to look up at his face. “That’s true. How sad it would be should laughter disappear.”  
   He laughed quietly. “I agree.”  
    As she held his gaze, she noticed how his eyes were growing heavy again and how he had difficulties to keep them open.  
    “Tired?” She asked with a soft smile.  
    A crooked smirk appeared on Cedric’s lips before he allowed his eyes to finally fall closed. “More than ever before.”  
    She gazed at his face for a moment longer and then leant up a bit to brush her lips against his in a feathery kiss, silently wishing him a good night, free of any more nightmares.  
    In the end, her wish was granted. When he woke her up in the morning before leaving, she was relieved to see a smile on his lips, his eyes clear and gleaming like she hadn’t seen for what felt like a month. The death of Alex still caused him pain, but she believed that from now on, he would be able to get better and pull through. And if he crumbled again, she would be there to catch him.


	16. Forming Bonds

The sun was shining down on Claudia as she strolled through the streets of London, heading for Cedric’s funeral parlour. Spring was particularly mild and sunny that year, the sky coloured a rich blue, no cloud to be seen wherever she looked. Many years had passed since she had first walked these streets and yet, around here everything still seemed to be the same. She passed the same rotten buildings, the same dubious shops and the people on the street still turned to look after her in curiosity when she passed by.  
   _I guess some things never change, no matter how much times passes_ , Claudia thought to herself, a mild smile tugging at her lips. And it was strangely relieving that in an ever-changing world, some things always remained the same.  
   By now, Vincent was eight years old. In about two months he would already be nine and in the not too distant future, Francis would turn seven. Time flew by and having children surely reinforced this expression. With every passing year, both of them grew taller and taller. Every few months, a tailor had to visit the Manor to take new measurements and sew new clothing for both of them. At this point, she was glad that now she only needed to exchange their whole wardrobe once a year and not twice.  
   Claudia’s thoughts were drifting off as she walked down the street leading to Cedric’s parlour. When she could make it out in the distance, the smile on her lips widened. Even though the Season had not yet started, she had managed to find an excuse for visiting him today. It had been a while since she had last been to his parlour.  
   As usual, she knocked against the heavy wooden door and pushed it open without waiting for an answer. The familiar scent of candles and dust greeted her, the funeral parlour seemingly empty as usual.  
   Claudia let her gaze wander over the coffins for a few moments, trying to decide which one to pick, when she noticed that Cedric’s cookie urn was nowhere to be seen. She crooked her head in curiosity, thinking. He never took the cookie urn along when he hid in a coffin.  
   _So he’s not hiding in one this time_ , she concluded and checked behind her – just to be sure. After all, she knew that he was able to appear out of thin air. As she was wondering where he was hiding, she let her gaze wander and then stopped at his desk. _Maybe…_  
   She felt a smirk pulling at her lips as she strolled towards the huge dark desk. She rested her hands on the table top for support before she leaned forwards until she could peek beneath the desk.  
   A wide grin spread on Claudia’s lips. “Found you.”  
   For a second Cedric looked seriously surprised and Claudia could not help but to laugh at his expression. Only moments later, he joined her laughter and creeped out from under the desk.  
   “My, my… I didn’t expect you to figure it out this fast~” He commented grinning. “What gave me away?”  
   The smirk on Claudia’s lips was dripping with cunning when she lifted her finger and pointed at the urn in his hands. “The cookies were missing.”  
   Cedric blinked in surprise before his gaze dropped to the urn in his hands. Slowly, a smirk built on his lips. “I see~ My, how careless of me.” While he spoke, he opened the urn and extended it to her, offering her a cookie. “Observant as usual, are we?”  
   Claudia shrugged and took him up on his offer, putting it between her lips. She smiled at Cedric with half of the cookie sticking out between her lips. “Just keeping an eye on my surroundings.”  
   “Is that so~?” He cooed and suddenly leant forward until his face was only inches away from hers. Claudia froze, her gaze tied to his smirking lips. Even after all this time, his sudden nearness still made her heart leap into her throat.  
   Grinning, he opened his mouth and bit off the remaining half of the cookie. The gaze of his yellowish green eyes never left hers, not even when he backed off again and chewed on the cookie, smirking knowingly.  
   “Oh my, you suddenly do seem a bit distracted, you know?” Cedric commented cheekily.  
   Quickly, Claudia took her gaze off his lips and shrugged her shoulders in feigned indifference. “Do I?”  
   The grin on Cedric’s lips grew wider and as he walked around the desk, he put the cookie urn on the table top. As soon as he had reached her, he bent down until again his face was only inches away from hers. Her gaze automatically dropped to his lips.  
   “Yes, very much so,” He whispered.  
   For a moment, they looked at each other. Cedric didn’t make any movements, so in the end it was Claudia who closed the distance between them and kissed him tenderly. His eyes fluttered shut and he started to move his lips over hers in return, his arms snaking around her waist and pulling her closer. When they broke apart, they grinned at each other.  
   “Maybe a bit distracted,” Claudia admitted, smirking.  
   Cedric chuckled in response and when he let go off her, he blindly grabbed a cookie. “I didn’t expect you to be able to visit this soon.”  
   “Me neither.” While she spoke, she took out a letter out of the pocket of her coat. “The Queen had this brought to me yesterday evening by that new butler of hers. John Brown? He told me that it was urgent. I was informed you were in charge of the corpses, so that’s why I was able to come.”  
   Cedric nodded, taking a bite of the cookie. “I had a feeling these corpses would stir quite a bit of excitement~” He let the rest of the cookie vanish between his lips and motioned for her to follow him.  
   Claudia did just that as he opened the door to the back rooms – but not the ones he was living in. These were the rooms in which he tended to the corpses that were brought to him. The scent lingering in the air reminded her of that in a hospital – except that _his_ ‘guests’ were far beyond rescue or recovery. Three corpses were lying on metallic surgical tables, their bodies covered by large white sheets.  
   “How did they die?” Claudia asked as they stepped closer. One would have thought the scent of death would be lingering in the air, but it only smelled of disinfectants and floral essential oils. She wrapped her coat around her body more firmly, the merciless cold that was lingering in these backrooms already starting to seep into her bones.  
   Wordlessly, Cedric pulled one of the sheets back a bit to expose the chest of a young man. A single stab in the heart must have killed him, the wound already thoroughly cleaned up.  
   “All of them were killed in the same way. No unnecessary violence, no bruises.” After a few moments, Cedric pulled the sheet back up and started to move towards the end of the table. “But… There’s something much more interesting~.”  
   As he passed by the tables, he pulled back the sheets of all three corpses to expose their feet. Claudia frowned and walked around the table. When she could make out the soles of their feet, the frown on her forehead deepened. There were cuts, and they weren’t placed at random. They formed a symbol.  
   _This is_ … She leant forward to examine it more closely. “Isn’t that the insignia of this strange cult that started to spread around London half a year ago?”  
   “I think so, yes,” Cedric agreed and stepped next to her. “All of them are bearing the same symbol in the same place. The wounds didn’t look like they had bled much, so I’d assume someone cut them in after they had died.”  
   Claudia nodded and pulled back again, her head tilted in curiosity. “Very interesting indeed. We might be able to solve this case faster than I would have anticipated.”  
   Cedric waited a few seconds longer before he put the sheets back in place to cover the bodies of the deceased. It wasn’t long after until they returned to the front room. As she stepped into the considerably warmer area, Claudia rubbed her hands against each other, trying to warm them up. She really did freeze easily.  
   “Cold?” Cedric asked and stepped closer, gently taking hold of her chilled fingers. His hands felt warm and smooth, like they always did. It was still a mystery to Claudia why his hands were never cold, even though he spent so much time in the mortuary.  
   For a while they stood close to each other like this, his fingers caressing her skin and gradually warming her hands up. After about a minute, he clasped his fingers around hers more firmly and then intertwined them gently.  
   “Will you stay a bit longer?” Cedric asked quietly.  
   Claudia raised her gaze from their intertwined fingers to look up at him. She couldn’t help but smile at the tender, almost hopeful expression in his beautiful bright eyes. When he looked at her like this, she could not possibly deny him – not that she would have wanted to. She wanted to stay with him just as much as he wanted her to be here with him.  
   “I should be able to. Not for much longer than an hour, but that’s something, at least.”  
   The smile on Cedric’s lips widened. “It’s longer than I thought you’d be able to stay.”  
   Claudia shrugged, a smirk pulling at her lips as she threw him a side glance. “I’ll tell my servants that it was especially hard to pay you today. After all, they still think we’re doing the joke-game.”  
   Cedric grinned back toothily. “They do~ Too bad that I feel particularly gloomy today, huh?”  
   Laughing, Claudia shook her head at his grinning face. “Very gloomy indeed.”  
   Without saying another word he bent down to catch her lips in a long and tender kiss. She felt him smiling and couldn’t help but to do the same. It took some time until they pulled apart and when they did, her expression turned thoughtful.  
   “I will have to arrange a meeting with the Evil Noblemen, preferably tomorrow,” Claudia thought out loud. Tomorrow was Easter so it wasn’t the best day to call them to the Manor for a meeting, but... “The symbols on the dead’s feet provide enough information for us to act immediately. Every day of remaining impassive could mean the death of more people and I cannot allow that.”  
   Cedric smiled, catching a strand of her hair between his fingers. “True. There are no holidays in our business.”  
   What he said was right: no matter the day or the circumstances, she had to catch criminals and so did the rest of the Evil Noblemen. Just as he had to tend to the dead that were brought to him no matter the day or the circumstances.  
   “Ah, but you know…,” Claudia continued, the smirk from earlier returning. “Tomorrow, there’ll be an egg hunt at the Manor, and Vincent and Francis will hide eggs for the other to find. That alone should provide quite a lot of entertainment.”  
   Cedric giggled, grinning back at her. “That does sound like a lot of fun to watch~”

One hour wasn’t much, but as time had passed, they had learned to enjoy every single second of the time they were able to spend in privacy, however short it was. When Claudia returned to the summerhouse, she prepared letters for the Evil Noblemen and before they returned to the Manor, her butler Andrew brought them to their respective recipients.  
   The meeting with the Evil Noblemen was set before noon of the next day – Easter. While they were discussing their approach and the measures they would take to prevent any more murders and catch the criminals as soon as possible, Claudia’s husband was with Vincent and Francis. With a quick glance at the clock Claudia noticed that he had likely already started the Egg Hunt, but that didn’t pose much of a problem. It usually took hours for Vincent and Francis to finish and from her standpoint, they were finished for today anyway.  
   Claudia raised her gaze from the papers on her desk and let it wander over the gathered Evil Noblemen. “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”  
   There were a few seconds of silence, before Lord Devitt broke it with his deep voice. He was about forty years old, his unruly hair as dark as the clothing he wore. “I do believe we are finished.”  
   He had only joined the ranks of the Evil Noblemen a few years previously. His company produced weapons of all sorts – guns, swords, knifes and even ornamental weapons for the palace. Naturally, he was well informed about arms trade, but that wasn’t the only reason why she had approached him. The men working underneath him were very capable fighters, suitable for both security measures to secure an area that was prone to getting attacked by criminals and spying to gain intelligence.  
   Before he continued, he looked over to Cedric, who was sitting next to him on the couch. “I will have one of my men sent to you this evening to inspect the wounds of the victims. He might be able to figure out more details about the weapon that was used.”  
   “Of course~,” Cedric cooed in response, that everlasting grin plastered on his lips. “Your men are always welcome at my shop~”  
   Lord Devitt simply nodded and Claudia moved her gaze to Lady Doyle and Lord Curd who had taken place on two armchairs to her left. Lady Doyle was about to take another long puff from her cigarette while Lord Curd threw a quick glance at his wristwatch. As time had passed, he had changed a lot. A few years ago he had married, and after that, his behaviour towards her had turned much more pleasant and polite. His wife’s name was Mary Blair and she was about a year younger than Claudia herself. She was shy and gentle, silent and innocent – very much the opposite of what Claudia was. The way Lord Curd behaved around her, so tame and attentive, made Claudia wonder if he actually fell in love with her. In a time where marriage was mostly arranged not all couples found love and happiness, but maybe the two of them had – unlike Claudia. They had a daughter at Francis’ age.  
   Lady Doyle on the other hand hadn’t changed at all. She was still prone to smoking all day long and getting on Claudia’s nerves whenever the opportunity arose. But up until now she had kept the secret of Claudia’s and Cedric’s relationship without fail. Obviously, Claudia was still watching her closely and she didn’t plan on stopping – not until Lady Doyle died.  
   As neither of the Evil Noblemen looked like they were about to say something, Claudia put her pen aside and folded her hands. “In that case, I’ll close the meeting. You are very welcome to stay for dinner, but of course, you may also leave anytime.”  
   Claudia wasn’t surprised that Lord Curd was the first person to stand up. “I will return to London immediately and notify my men of the situation and the measures we are going to take.”  
   Even though he didn’t say it, Claudia knew this was not the only reason he was eager to leave. He had kept looking at his wristwatch throughout the whole meeting, so she suspected he wanted to return home, to his family. It was Easter after all.  
   “I will do the same,” Lord Devitt said moments later and stood up, meeting Claudia’s gaze one more time. “I shall seek intelligence on the matter and have my men inspect the corpses. We should be able to gain further information about the weapons used by the criminals. I will notify you later.”  
   Claudia nodded. “I’m awaiting your report.”  
   She wasn’t surprised that Lady Doyle and Cedric remained sitting. Lady Doyle didn’t have any family, so there was no reason for her to leave and miss the dinner they had prepared for Easter. She would likely attend a social gathering this evening, but right now, not many social events were taking place. Obviously, Cedric wouldn’t leave either. _His_ family was here after all – even if he and Claudia couldn’t act like a couple and Vincent didn’t know about his relation to him.  
   Lord Curd politely nodded in her direction before he turned towards the door of her study. He opened it and paused in surprise when he found Vincent standing in front of him, his hand raised as if he had just meant to knock against the door.  
   Quickly, he lowered his hand. “Eh… I-” Vincent began, still a bit dumbfounded and flustered at the many gazes suddenly lingering on him. “I’m sorry for interrupting the meeting, but I think Francis might…” He paused, still struggling for words. “Might have… hidden something for me to find in there…”  
   _Oh yes, she has…_  
   Claudia’s gaze wandered to the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. High up on the ceiling, there was a prettily coloured egg sitting right in a fitting spot on the chandelier. Claudia had seen it when she had entered her study and had known all along that Francis had been the one who had hidden it. She didn’t know how she had managed to get up there, but she knew that she was rather inventive. Vincent was clever and had the tendency to hide the Easter eggs at places Francis wouldn’t think of looking at. It usually took her hours to find the last of them. Francis on the other hand was athletic and had a preference for hiding them in places Vincent could easily find, but couldn’t reach. Like on a chandelier. Or on a handmade boat floating in the middle of the pond. Or in a roof gutter.  
   The gazes of the other Evil Noblemen followed hers until all of them were fixed on the chandelier. Claudia let her gaze wander to Vincent, who was still standing in the doorway. She saw his eyes widening as he spotted the egg.  
   “Oh Francis…” He mumbled to himself, his voice a mixture of disbelief and resignation. Claudia could almost see his mind rattling, trying to think of a way to reach it. She knew that if he asked the servants for a ladder, Francis would make fun of him for weeks or months. He knew that too.  
   “Well,” Lord Curd commented, forcing himself to take his gaze off the egg. “I’m taking my leave.” As he passed Vincent, he briefly patted his head. “Good luck.”  
   Lord Devitt did not quite manage to take his gaze off the chandelier for another few seconds. When he did, he shook his head in bewilderment. “You’ve got a rather inventive and energetic daughter, it seems.”  
   Claudia smiled. “I do. And a particularly bold one at that.”  
   “I concur. Anyway…” He shook his head one more time, as if trying to shake off his lingering disbelief. “I shall take my leave as well. Expect my report tomorrow morning at the latest.”  
   Moments later, Lord Devitt had left her study as well. Vincent looked after the two men for a moment, before he turned to look at Claudia questioningly, silently asking her if he could enter. Claudia smiled at the boy and when she waved him in, a smile sprang onto his lips as well. As soon as he raised his gaze to the ceiling though, his smile was replaced by a thoughtful expression. He likely was trying to think of a way to reach the egg without having to get a ladder – or how to get the ladder without Francis noticing, she’d imagine.  
   As Claudia moved her gaze to Cedric, she was not surprised to find him watching Vincent as well. He was still sitting on the couch that was standing beneath the chandelier the egg was placed on. Even though his eyes were covered by his bangs, the smile on his lips alone was enough for Claudia to be able to see his joy of being able to watch his son. It was a rare opportunity for him, even just being in the same room.  
   The only other person present was Lady Doyle. As Claudia glanced over at her, she found her watching Cedric. As if she had sensed it, she turned her head and met Claudia’s gaze. A small smile formed on her lips, before she took a long puff from her cigarette and stood up. She threw Claudia a knowing gaze, before she moved towards the door as well. She didn’t excuse herself – she never did - but Claudia knew she wasn’t about to return to London. She would likely take a stroll through the Manor.  
   Claudia gave her a grateful nod and Lady Doyle smirked in response, her eyes gleaming. She closed the door when she stepped onto the corridor, leaving behind only Claudia, Cedric and Vincent, who had barely noticed that the elderly Lady had left. In moments like these, it almost seemed beneficial that Lady Doyle had figured out their relationship a few years ago - almost. Most of the time, she liked to tease and pester Claudia, but at occasions like these she was unexpectedly thoughtful, leaving the room so that they could enjoy this rare moment of being together in peace.  
   She had just finished her thought, when Vincent started to walk towards the couch Cedric was sitting on. Their gazes met for a moment and Cedric grinned at Vincent like he usually did, observing. Claudia watched Vincent first stepping on the seating surface of the couch and then trying to climb on the backrest. Normally, she would have rushed to his side by now to catch him if he lost balance, but as Cedric was sitting right next to him she held back and watched the scene unfold.  
   The backrest was unstable and the material squashy so Claudia wasn’t surprised when Vincent could barely keep his balance even kneeling on it. When he moved his right leg in an attempt to stand up, he staggered dangerously. Before he could fall, Cedric grabbed his arm and a second later, Vincent managed to rebalance.  
   All the while, the grin never left Cedric’s face. “Having difficulties~?”  
   Careful not to stagger again, Vincent turned his head to look at his father he only knew as Undertaker, one of the Evil Noblemen, and smiled wryly, slightly embarrassed by his failed attempt to stand up. “Yeah… Thank you.”  
   Cedric crooked his head, smirking. “Not at all~ But even if you manage to stand up, you won’t be able to reach the chandelier, will you?”  
   Vincent shook his head, a thoughtful frown standing between his eyebrows as he looked up at the ceiling. “No. I wanted to see how high I can reach when I stand on the backrest.”  
   “I see~,” Cedric cooed in response, standing up from the couch and casually strolling around it until he was facing Vincent, who was still kneeling on the backrest. Grinning, Cedric extended his hand. “Need a hand~?”  
   Vincent looked at the long, slender fingers for a moment and then threw a quick glance at the door behind him to check if it was shut.  
   _He really is afraid of Francis catching him cheating_ , Claudia thought to herself and couldn’t help but to smile widely at the scene in front of her.  
   When Vincent had made sure that Francis could not suddenly show up behind him, he gladly took hold of Cedric’s hand. With his support, Vincent managed to stand up with ease, but he didn’t even reach remotely high enough to get near the chandelier. Even standing on the backrest of the couch, he was only a bit taller than Cedric was. He looked up thinking for a few seconds, Cedric patiently standing in front of him and supporting him. For those who barely knew Cedric, the grin on his lips must have looked like any other of his many grins, but Claudia could almost see the immeasurable delight filling every fibre of his being with merely one glance. Spending a short happy moment with his son was more than he’d ever asked for when he had come here today.  
   “Maybe I’ll have to get a ladder after all…” Vincent thought out loud. He was right: he was way too short to reach up there. Claudia herself wasn’t sure how Francis had managed this either. She knew that she had managed to climb up the roof gutter using a rope, but the chandelier? That was much more difficult. She had likely not used a ladder though. It was unlike her to break the rules of her own game.  
   “Mh…” Cedric mused, crooking his head as he silently calculated the distance left Vincent needed to overcome. “You could step on my shoulders,” he offered after a few moments and then grinned toothily.  
   Vincent blinked in surprise. “Are you sure? Won’t I be too heavy?”  
   This time, Cedric giggled in amusement. “My, my… Do I really look that feeble~?”  
   “N-no,” Vincent stammered quickly. But the truth was: yes, he did. He was tall, but very thin and not muscular. Still, Claudia knew that he could move coffins around his parlour with ease. She suspected that enhanced physical strength was one of the powers of a Grim Reaper as well. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”  
   The grin on Cedric’s lips turned into a simple smile, interrupting Vincent’s flustered speech. “I’m just teasing~ Do you want to try or are you scared?”  
   Vincent took a moment to consider his words. In the end, he nodded slowly. “Alright… I’ll try.”  
   Smiling, Cedric brushed a few strands of hair off his shoulders with his free hand and then turned around, stepping closer to the couch. This time, he offered both his hands for support and Vincent took them firmly, putting his right foot on Cedric’s shoulder first. When he quickly did the same with his left foot, Vincent staggered for a moment, but with Cedric’s hands to support him, he promptly regained balance. Claudia noticed how his bent knees were shaking with strain. He did not quite dare to fully stand up yet, but he probably knew this was the only way for him to reach the chandelier. But if he did, he had to let go of Cedric’s hands.  
   Cedric must have noticed his hesitation and fear. “Let go of my left hand first,” He started off gently. Outside of his parlour or in the presence of strangers, he liked to put up an act, disguising his natural voice into a strange singsong to weird them out or to put up walls, but right now his voice was undisguised, soft and soothing.  
   The softness in Cedric’s voice Vincent had likely never consciously heard before had an effect though: slowly, he let go of his left hand and a moment later, Cedric took hold of his lower leg to support him.  
   “And now the right one,” Cedric continued calmly. Again, Vincent complied and Cedric took hold of his right leg as well. His knees were still shaking with strain, but now he slowly straightened his legs, standing up. He extended his left hand towards the ceiling, pressing his palm against it to strengthen his foothold, while he reached for the chandelier with his free hand. He moved very slowly and carefully, but in the end, he managed to wrap his fingers around the colourful egg. Even from here, Claudia saw him heaving a silent sigh of relief. But he still needed to get down.  
   He crouched down a bit on Cedric’s shoulders and Cedric took the egg from him so he could move more freely, letting it slide into one of the pockets of his wide outer coat. Claudia smiled, when Vincent remained crouching on Cedric’s shoulders, obviously struggling with the task of getting down.  
   “Having trouble?” Cedric cooed amused.  
   “How do I get down?” Vincent didn’t look like he wanted to try jumping down all the way. Cedric was rather tall after all.  
   Cedric chuckled softly. “Get on your knees first and hold onto me~” Vincent followed his instructions, holding onto Cedric’s shoulders for lack of other options. “And now you let yourself slide downwards. Slowly.”  
   Vincent tried to do as he said, but as soon as he had started to move his knees backwards a bit, he slipped. With a yelp, he wrapped his arms around Cedric’s neck, but before he could slide down any further, Cedric already caught his legs, breaking his fall. Gently, he lowered him and sat him down on the backrest of the couch where everything had begun. Only now, Vincent let go of him.  
   He smiled awkwardly when Cedric turned around, grinning. “I’m bad at climbing.”  
   Laughing, his father produced the egg from his pockets and crooked his head with a wide grin plastered on his lips. “Not at all~ You got it, didn’t you?”  
   Vincent grinned back at him as Cedric handed him the egg, the expression on his face clearly relieved. “Yeah. Thank you. Eh…” He hesitated for a moment. “Could you… not tell Francis about this?”  
   Cedric giggled in response, his index finger touching his lips that were smirking in mischief. “I won’t~ It’s our little secret~”  
   Vincent mirrored his expression. With both of them smirking at each other like this, they looked even more like father and son. “It’s a promise then.”  
   Only now, he seemed to remember that they weren’t alone. Slowly, he turned his head towards his mother who had watched the scene in front of her both amused and secretly humming in joy.  
   Claudia shrugged at Vincent’s questioning gaze, before she put the most mischievous smirk on her lips she was capable of. “Mh? I was working. I didn’t see a thing.”  
   Her son grinned at her for a moment, before he slid down the backrest of the couch. “I think I’m still missing a few eggs. I better keep looking.”  
   “When your sister is the one hiding them, I’m sure you’ll be busy for a while longer,” Cedric commented amused and gently poked his fingernail against Vincent’s cheek. “Good luck~”  
   For a moment, Vincent blinked in surprise, but it wasn’t long before a smile spread on his lips. “That’s true. Thank you.”  
   By now, Claudia had stood up as well and walked towards them. Gently, she combed through her son’s dark blueish hair. “Don’t do anything dangerous, alright? We’ll follow you shortly. I’m curious how many eggs Francis already found.”  
   “Me too,” Vincent answered, a cunning smirk spreading on his lips. “I made sure to hide them well. She’s probably fuming.”  
   “If you hid them well, she certainly is,” Claudia agreed, smiling. There was nothing more enraging than searching the whole Manor for Easter Eggs and not finding a single one of them. It was hard to guess Vincent’s hiding places, even Claudia found it difficult to find them and she was much older than Francis.  
   “See you~,” Cedric cooed cheerfully as Vincent said them goodbye. He grinned back at his father one more time and then left the study along with the egg he would have never reached without Cedric’s help.  
   Even after the door had fallen closed, Cedric’s gaze lingered for a while longer. The smile that was gracing his lips was one of pure and utter bliss. After a few more seconds, he exhaled deeply and let himself drop onto the couch. Slowly, Claudia sat down next to him and it was only a second later that he embraced her and pressed his face against the crook of her neck. She felt him smiling against her skin.  
   “Happy?” She whispered softly, caressing first his back and then combing through the long silvery strands she loved so much.  
   “Yes,” he breathed in response, the wide grin evident in his voice. “More than I could say.”  
   Smiling, Claudia brushed a gentle kiss against his ear. For a few seconds, they held onto each other in silence.  
   “He likes you,” Claudia whispered after some time. Cedric loved him with every fibre of his being, but he was still a strange man and many children were afraid of him. Even though they were related by blood, there had been no guarantee that Vincent would grow to like him.  
   “He does, doesn’t he?” Cedric responded quietly, still smiling against her neck. “Maybe it’s in your blood after all? From the very beginning, you liked me too - even though I’m strange and elusive.”  
   Claudia chuckled at his comment and pulled back a bit to be able to look at his face. “I love you precisely because you are the way you are. Strange, elusive, amusing, witty, gentle, kind… I could go on forever.”  
   The long silvery bangs were still covering his eyes so she couldn’t see the expression in his eyes, but judging by the way the smile on his lips changed, he was slightly touched by her words, maybe even a bit bashful.  
   Tenderly, she rested her hand on his cheek and then leaned forward to kiss him. After a few moments, his hand slowly snaked around her neck and he deepened the kiss, his tongue gently brushing over her lips and silently asking her for entrance. She mirrored his actions, moving her lips over his until they had to break apart for air. Only now Claudia lifted her hand to brush the bangs out his face, revealing his eyes that were gleaming with delight in a way she hadn’t seen for a while.  
   Instead of embracing her again, he let himself slide down on the couch and rested his head on her lap, his eyes falling closed and the content smile on his lips still lingering. Claudia gently combed through his hair as she watched his expression.  
   “Are you tired?” She asked softly. He looked like he had been just hit by a carriage.  
   “A bit,” Cedric admitted quietly.  
   Claudia smiled silently. She had a vague idea as to why he was suddenly tired. On the outside, he had been grinning and joking, but she knew that on the inside, he was much less unaffected than he seemed. He was probably exhausted by his own tension, most likely worried about Vincent’s reaction to him. They had barely ever interacted – not like this.  
   So Claudia granted him this moment of peace and let him lay on the couch for a few minutes, petting his hair and watching the relaxed expression on his face.  
   After a while, he cracked an eye open and smiled up at her. “You’re going to make me fall asleep.”  
   Claudia laughed softly. “Am I? Touching your hair like this is just too much fun.”  
   Cedric chuckled in response and after another minute, he sat up once more, shaking his head as if to shake off his sleepiness.  
   Smiling, Claudia sorted a few strands of hair she had brought in disorder. “Want to take a stroll through the Manor and see what Francis and Vincent are doing?”  
   “Aye~” Cedric grinned. “They’re probably still looking for eggs. Let’s see how they’re doing~”  
   It wasn’t long until they found Vincent and then shortly after Francis, both of them still looking for the eggs their sibling had hidden. It took a lot of time for both of them to find all the eggs and at the end of it all, both of them were exhausted.  
   Shortly after, they partook of the elaborate meal Claudia’s servants had prepared for Easter. Lady Doyle and Cedric both left for London afterwards, but a few hours later, Cedric was already back to spend a bit more time with her, visiting her in the middle of the night as he liked to do.  
   This day had been one of the rare occasions for Cedric to bond with his son, even if Vincent would only ever see him as an acquaintance of her mother, one of the Evil Noblemen. It was still depressing that he could never know that Cedric was his father, but today, Cedric had still managed to spend time with his son. And Claudia knew that to him, this was more than he would have ever asked for.

 


	17. Caught in an Hourglass

As time flew by, Vincent and Francis grew older and taller. After what felt like a blink of an eye, Vincent was almost old enough to attend Weston College, while Francis would be educated at home. Even though it was Vincent who would someday succeed Claudia as the Queen’s Watchdog, Francis was educated in the arts of fighting as well. She was ambitious and at the age of ten she already was one of the most capable young fencers Britain had seen. While Vincent’s abilities to fight were lagging behind his sister’s he made up for it with wit and the ability to think of complicated strategies in the blink of an eye. Even as a child, he had loved to play chess – and he had been exceptionally good at it considering his young age. Her children were very different, but both of them had exceeding talents and she was proud of them.  
   Even though a lot of time had passed, Claudia’s job as the Queen’s Watchdog didn’t change at all. It was always the same: murder, theft, drugs, weapons, human trafficking. The only thing that had changed about her occupation was that Lady Doyle had died a month ago.  
   By that time, Lady Doyle had been very old – older than Claudia had expected she would get considering her excessive smoking. Nobody had been surprised when she had passed away and yet, even after all the times she had mocked and irked her, Claudia had felt a bit sad about her death. Despite everything, she had taken the secret of Cedric’s and her relationship to the grave, even with death approaching and Claudia’s threat of killing her becoming more and more invalid, she had remained loyal – and both Claudia and Cedric were very grateful that she had. In the end, the only thing left for them to do had been to take comfort in the fact that her death had been peaceful at least.  
   With Lady Doyle’s death, Claudia had also lost an important informant and she still had to find a replacement for her. It wasn’t easy by any means. There didn’t seem to be anybody in this whole country who was as observant as she had been and who could offer her the same amount of information. In the end, she would probably have to choose someone inferior to Lady Doyle and Claudia had not yet accepted this fact. It’d make her work much more difficult.  
   Absentmindedly, she looked at her own image in the mirror and let her fingers slide along her cheek. She was already 33 years old. Vincent was twelve and would start attending Weston college next year, while Francis had just celebrated her tenth birthday. It had been 13 years since she had met Cedric – Undertaker - for the first time, only looking for an informant and finding so much more.  
   There were no wrinkles on her face yet, but something about her looks had changed in the past ten years. It was difficult to put a finger on it, but she was very aware of growing older while Cedric was stuck in time, his body never aging or changing. An immortal being, while she was bound to wither and die someday.  
   After a few more minutes she sighed to herself and turned away from the mirror – only to find herself facing Cedric who was sitting at her desk, grinning up at her.  
   “How long have you been here…?” Claudia asked dumbfounded. She hadn’t even heard him entering and that despite the fact that she had been waiting for him.  
   “Mh…” he mused, leaning back. “Five minutes?”  
   She frowned, feeling a bit stupid. “Why didn’t you say anything?”  
   Giggling, he got up and waltzed towards her. “You see~, you were so taken in by your reflection, it was quite entertaining to watch.”  
   A few years earlier, she would have been embarrassed to death, but today she just pouted sulkily. “You’re impossible.”  
   Cedric laughed at her and poked his fingernail against her cheekbone. “What’s with that face, did you perhaps find a wrinkle?”  
   “No,” she replied with a bit more force than would have been necessary. “I just…” She paused for a few seconds. Instead of continuing, she lifted her hands and carefully brushed away the long bangs to be able to look at his beautiful face, his pale skin, the flesh-coloured scar and his bright eyes. Nothing about him had changed in the past thirteen years. He still looked exactly the same.  
   Again, she sighed. “I just realized that I’m growing older. Someday I will be old and ugly and you will still look young and beautiful.”  
   He blinked in surprise and then smiled softly. “No matter how many years will pass, you will never be ugly to me.”  
   She couldn’t help but laugh at his words. “I dare you to repeat that in forty years.”  
   Just as she had said the words her mind began to do the math. Seventy-three. That was quite a high age to reach, even for a noblewoman of her time. Maybe she’d be long since dead by then. Cedric’s smile had faded and something about his expression told her that he had been thinking the same.  
   Before the silence could grow any more severe, she shook her head firmly. “I’m thinking too much. Sorry.” She turned to look at the clock on her desk and with a start she realized that she had meant to leave ten minutes ago.  
   “Oh shoot,” she cursed and stormed around the desk to get her handbag. “You should have told me it’s that late already! We need to leave!”  
   “It was just too much fun watching you~,” he cooed in reply and when he didn’t make any attempt to hurry, she grabbed his hand to pull him with her. He just giggled and mercifully hastened his step. “My, my~.”  
   She let go off his hand as they left her study. She had been invited to a social event in the outskirts of London, led by a wealthy family that was producing and selling jewellery. The Evil Noblemen had been invited as well. In the past few years, Claudia’s reputation as a henchman of the Queen had spread among nobility and so had the reputation of those surrounding her. They were increasingly invited to social gatherings as well even though some of them – like Cedric – were not actually part of nobility. But it didn’t matter for those inviting them mostly sought for connections to the Queen, hoping to earn her favour by getting acquainted with Claudia or the men and women she had gathered around her.  
   Normally, Claudia rejected those invitations and so did most of the others. Lady Doyle of course had appeared at almost every single social gathering there was in London and the surrounding area, whether she had been invited or not. Recently, Claudia and the rest of the Evil Noblemen attended them regularly too. Not because she found joy in it – she still loathed them - but because she needed an informant who would be able to replace Lady Doyle. A nobleman or –woman who was equally observant and of a rank high enough to be able to attend most social gatherings. Where to look for such a person? At a social event, of course. The reason she took Cedric and the rest of the Evil Noblemen with her was solely to support her in her search. And as the manor of the Payne family was a fair distance from London and Cedric had to pass by the summerhouse anyway, Claudia had decided to just take him along by carriage.  
   As soon as she had entered the main hall, her butler was at her side. “Andrew, we’re leaving. And fast.”  
   Just as expected from the Phantomhive’s butler, he took a bow and still managed to reach the door before she did, opening it for her. The carriage was already prepared. Andrew helped Claudia inside and Cedric climbed in after her, a never-fading grin plastered on his lips.  
   Only moments later they were on the street, the familiar rattling of the carriage’s wheels resounding in the cool evening air. Cedric gazed through the window for a moment before he pulled the curtains shut and looked at her from the bench opposite to her.  
   “We should make it in time,” he said and smirked. “For someone who doesn’t like these events you’re quite worried to miss a second of it.”  
   Claudia shook her head and smiled. “Showing up late might be considered an insult and you know that.”  
   He smirked and crooked his head. “I do. Just teasing~”  
   For a moment they looked at each other in silence. If they hadn’t been in a carriage in the middle of London she would have gotten up to kiss him, but she lacked his instincts and didn’t dare to make a move on him when she was not entirely sure it was safe.  
   His smirk widened and his eyes sparkled with amusement. When he spoke next, his voice was barely above a whisper. “Wondering if it’s safe to kiss me?”  
   She chuckled to herself. “Whatever made you think that?”  
   “Mh…” he mused, grinning. “Just a wild guess.” Slowly, his toothy grin turned into a simple smile. “It is safe.”  
   She stayed on the bench for a second longer and then slowly got up to bend over him and catch his lips in a long and deep kiss. With his head tilted back like this he was at her mercy as she prodded her tongue against his lips and invaded his mouth. With the strain on his throat and neck he was barely able to fight back. She felt him shifting beneath her, but in the end it didn’t get him anywhere.  
   When she pulled back a few inches he smirked up at her, his pupils conspicuously dilated. “Tease.”  
   She grinned and tapped her index finger against the tip of his nose. “I know.”  
   With that she sat down on the bench once more. It took a while for them to reach the Payne mansion and when they finally arrived, Claudia was faced with a dozen noblemen and –women wanting to greet her. She had to fight her way through groups of people, everyone trying to lure her into pointless chattering or throwing flattery at her head. She was quite relieved when she finally found herself surrounded not only by Undertaker but also by Lord Curd and Lord Devitt, whose grumpy expression served as a good indicator for how much he liked social gatherings. The three men surrounding her did a much better job at keeping people away than anyone else could have. They had a dark aura surrounding them, somehow intimidating and somehow sublime. The Evil Noblemen’s presence seemed to create an invisible border not many wanted to cross. Quite convenient.  
   After some time running around and talking to people, Claudia sat down on a couch to watch the men and women who attended the social event, trying to figure out who would be suitable as an informant. Lord Curd had taken a seat next to her.  
   “Viscountess Winter might turn out to be a suitable informant,” he said suddenly.  
   Claudia followed his gaze to find her in a pile of noblewomen at the center of attention. She was much prettier than the average woman and a few years younger than Claudia. She wore very detailed and expensive dresses and it wasn’t only today that Claudia wondered where she got all that money from. Her rank wasn’t particularly high, but she was well known among nobles and invited to most social events. Still…  
   “Hehe~, she certainly has the necessary contacts, doesn’t she?” Undertaker cooed from above. He had taken place on the armrest of the couch, just to her left. Usually, this kind of behavior would have been considered rude, but somehow he was a special case. He never dressed up for social events, people avoided him but didn’t look at him too strangely either. Claudia was not sure if they feared him, her or the Evil Noblemen in general. Or maybe they had just realized that he didn’t care about their opinion.  
   As she was watching the group of women, Viscountess Winter turned around casually and met her gaze. The smile on her face gave Claudia the vibes of a too sweet chocolate cake, but it couldn’t belie her slyness. They held each other’s gazes for a few seconds and in the end, Viscountess Winter looked away, continuing the pointless chattering – but not without giving her a sassy smirk.  
   “I don’t trust her.” Claudia mumbled as soon as she had turned away.  
   Lord Devitt grumbled deeply and took another sip from his wine. “She looks like she’d be troublesome.”  
   “She _is_ trouble from what I heard. She caused quite a ruckus lately, at least that’s what Mary told me.” If anything, Lord Curd only appeared amused by that. “She might still be useful.”  
   Claudia snorted snidely and when she spoke next her voice was barely above a whisper. “We shouldn’t trust her. I can tell with only one glance that she wouldn’t be able to submit herself to my orders. In truth, she’d probably only try to rise in rank by establishing connections to the Queen, using me as a steppingstone. She’ll likely start working against me at some point and end up getting killed in the process. That’s the future I foresee.”  
   Cedric cackled to himself. “She’s a bit like a cat, don’t you think? Too bad you’re the dog.”  
   Claudia smirked and then shook her head. “We’ll need to look around for other candidates. Viscountess Winter is clearly interested… But I’m not. She might try to approach you though. Look out for her.”  
   Lord Devitt sighed excessively, a deep frown on his forehead. “This is troublesome. We should have asked Margaret for a suitable candidate before she passed away. She would have known.”  
   Lord Curd shrugged in response. “She certainly would have had recommendations, but it’s too late for that. Now we have to figure it out on our own.”  
   After a while, they scattered among the guests, each of them either talking or observing. Claudia sat down in an armchair and watched Lord Curd and Lord Devitt fighting their way through a pile of noblemen and –women. Cedric stood at the other end of the room, observing just like she did.  
   It didn’t take long for Claudia’s prediction to come true. She had expected Viscountess Winter to approach Lord Curd first as he was the one among them most willing to work with her. Instead, she approached Undertaker, who was still standing at the other side of the room. Claudia watched them over the lid of her wineglass, but they were too far away for her to hear anything.  
   Once again, there was that sugary sweet smile coating her lips as she walked up to Cedric, undoubtedly ogling at him. So that was why she hadn’t approached Lord Curd. She was intending to play dirty so naturally she approached the only man among the three who was not married.  
   When Viscountess Winter turned her head a bit, Claudia quickly avoided her gaze and instead looked over to Lord Devitt, who was being chattered at from three sides and looked about ready to snap. It had been more of an instinct, but she felt like the viscountess had just been about to look over to her. Silently, Claudia counted to five and then let her gaze return to Viscountess Winter. Her eyes were fixed on Cedric again – just like her fingers which casually fumbled with a button on his coat and her hands that touched his chest way too freely.  
   Claudia didn’t move an inch, she had enough self-control to not even have a muscle twitching. Calmly, she took a sip from her wine and watched the viscountess’ advances on Cedric. While she appeared indifferent on the outside, on the inside she found an increasing glee just at the thought of walking up to her and breaking her neck with bare hands. Cedric just grinned at the young woman, utterly unfazed by her behaviour.  
   Of course, Claudia didn’t do anything. And she didn’t have any justification to. She was married, but not to Cedric so there was no basis she could act on. Now that Lady Doyle had died nobody knew about their relationship and nobody could know. Silently, Claudia wondered if Viscountess Winter suspected something, but it was much more likely that she only intended to use Undertaker as a springboard, oblivious of the personal grudge she was unwittingly bringing upon herself.  
   Claudia felt her grip on the wineglass growing tighter as the viscountess rose her hand to touch his cheek while her other hand caressed his arm, her intentions growing more obvious by the second. Claudia wanted to look around to see if anybody else was watching this outrageous scene, but she found herself unable to look away. Not even for a second.  
   Slowly, Cedric bent down until his grinning face was only inches away from hers. She saw his lips moving, but couldn’t make out anything. He always did this, getting too close and invading people’s personal space. She was used to it and had never been bothered by it. Now she was. _Curse this._  
   Claudia blinked in surprise when Viscountess Winter suddenly stumbled backwards as if she had been struck by an invisible hand. Her face went deep red in a matter of seconds and Claudia was not sure if it was due to embarrassment or anger. Without another word, she turned around and stormed into the opposite direction. Cedric watched her running away, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Only moments later he turned around and met Claudia’s gaze, casually strolling towards her.  
   Slowly, Claudia got up. He looked like he had just been told the best joke in ages.  
   A bit flabbergasted, Claudia shook her head. “What on earth did you say to her?”  
   He giggled and brought his index finger to his lips. He motioned for her to follow him and she complied. The corridors of the mansion were almost empty, only a few people walking by.  
   When they were alone, she gave him a side-glance. “So, what did you tell her?”  
   He was still grinning like a Cheshire cat. “I told her, that sleeping her way up to the top won’t work with any of us and that she shouldn’t even bother with the Evil Noblemen when her negotiation skills are _that_ disappointing.”  
   Claudia felt her eyes widen a bit and she blinked up at him. The grin had never left his face, but his words had been harsh and direct. Now Viscountess Winter’s reaction made a lot more sense - and Claudia found that she was strangely satisfied with Cedric’s harsh words. They were enough of a humiliation to her for Claudia to hold herself back from putting the boot in. Oh, she certainly would have liked to humiliate her a bit more.  
   “I cannot believe that she would offer her body to establish connections. What a shame.” Claudia felt disgust crossing her face and familiar anger rising in her chest just at the thought of her touching his cheek.  
   “Oh~ my…” Cedric bent down a bit so he could get a better look of her face. He looked very amused. “You do seem a bit angry, you know? Could it be that you were perhaps… jealous?”  
   Claudia avoided his gaze and instead glared down the corridor. “Don’t be ridiculous. She has nothing I don’t have. She’s low scum. The way she went and threw herself at your neck is just pissing me off, that’s it.”  
   “You know~, that’s almost the definition of jealousy.” Cedric causally stepped in her way and made her stop, having way more fun than she would have liked. “So… You would have been just as grumpy if it would have been Lord Curd? Lord Devitt? A stranger?”  
   Claudia thought for a moment and pressed her lips together when she realized that she probably wouldn’t even have cared if it had been another man. She would have still thought that the woman was low scum, but she wouldn’t have been this irritated.  
   The grin on Cedric’s lips grew wider and he chuckled to himself, correctly taking her silence as a ‘no’. “You really were jealous just now, weren’t you?”  
   She would have liked to retort, but she couldn’t deny that she was out of arguments, so in the end she just pouted, a bit embarrassed of herself.  
   _How old am I? Fifteen?_ She sighed. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”  
   Cedric crooked his head, smiling down at her. “It’s not. In fact, it’s kind of flattering. I’ll take it as a compliment.”  
   She just wanted to tell him that it didn’t strike her as very flattering to be jealous for absolutely no reason when Cedric suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her in an abandoned room to her left. She stumbled after him and he closed the door.  
   “Wha…” She barely had time to look around – she just noticed they were in some sort of gathering room – before he turned her around.  
   She froze at his sudden nearness, his face only inches away from hers. Through his slightly parted bangs she could see his eyes tenderly looking down at her. A second later his lips gently brushed against hers and she found herself caught in a long and tender kiss, her body safely cradled in his arms.  
   When they finally broke apart, she blinked two times and then smiled. “What was that for?”  
   He shrugged and wrapped his arms around her more firmly. “Just felt like it.”  
   This time, she didn’t hear a smile on his lips and frowned slightly, her hands caressing his back. “Are you alright?”  
   He didn’t answer. In the distance, Claudia heard the music starting to play, the guests of the party undoubtedly gathering to dance. It wasn’t loud, but in the silence of the room the tune of a waltz still reached their ears easily.  
   Slowly, Cedric pulled back and smiled at her. “Do you want to dance?”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise. “Here?” She looked around, but except for an empty desk, a few armchairs and a couch the room was empty. “Aren’t you worried someone might find us?”  
   Cedric shrugged once more. “I’d notice them in time.”  
   Claudia couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “You know, you could have asked me in the ball room too.”  
   “I’d have to share you with other men.”  
   She looked up at him for a second and then smirked. “My, would that have bothered you?”  
   He grinned back at her and crooked his head, his bright eyes sparkling. “Maybe a bit?”  
   She shook her head laughing. To dance with various men on a social event was nothing unusual. In fact, she barely had the right to decline a dance as it would have been considered insulting. Thus, it would have been no problem to dance with Cedric either – nobody would have thought anything of it. But it was true: He’d have to share her with many men as it was also socially inacceptable to favour one man over the others.  
   “Alright,” she finally said and when he moved his arms in dancing position, she gently laid her hand in his.  
   She let herself be led by him as they waltzed through the room. Soon, their fingers were intertwined and their bodies closer to each other than would have been considered appropriate. But it didn’t matter as they were alone and free to dance however they wanted. And they did. Claudia had always found dancing a bit dull, a bit forced, but with him and the way they danced it was different. It was fun and strangely intimate. Before too long, she started to regret that it couldn’t always be like this.  
   When the music stopped, they slowed down and then halted. Claudia couldn’t help but laugh silently at their situation and Cedric joined her with a chuckle. Here they were, in a mansion that was not hers, in an abandoned room and dancing while the people outside were probably already looking for her.  
   Claudia smiled. “It’s too bad we rarely get the chance to dance. But we should return soon, some guests will notice our absence.”  
   “Probably. Also-” He suddenly paused and turned his head to the right, the expression on his face one of concentration. He looked as if he was listening to something far away, but it was absolutely silent. Actually, he seemed to gaze straight through the wall and it was only then that Claudia noticed that he was probably sensing something.  
   Without warning, he grabbed her hand and pulled her after him. Moments later she was sitting beneath the desk. Fortunately, the heavy wooden desk was big enough to offer cover to both of them and her wide dress. And thankfully, the rear cover reached all the way down to the floor so nobody could see their shoes or clothing either.  
   Claudia didn’t dare to make a sound. She just sat pressed against his body and tried to breathe as silently as humanly possible. Her heart was beating like a drum and she almost feared someone could hear it from afar. Of course, that was not possible.  
   Then the door opened. She let her eyes fall closed and prayed to whatever god listening that whoever just entered would leave again and preferably right now.  
   “Where the hell did they run off to?” With a start Claudia recognized this voice as Lord Curd’s.  
   “Who knows,” Lord Devitt replied, a bit more distant as if he was still standing in the corridor. “They probably just want to avoid the dancing. Also, that insufferable woman was talking to Undertaker. They’re probably conferring about her.”  
   Lord Curd laughed and Claudia had to supress a relieved sigh when she heard him moving away. “I think she tried to pick him up. I don’t know what he said to her, but she ran away with a bright red face, it was ridiculous.”  
   Lord Devitt snorted in disgust. “Serves her right. Making fools out of us won’t get her anywhere.”  
   With a soft noise the door fell closed and Claudia sagged deeper into Cedric’s arms. Thank god they hadn’t been looking more closely. She was really growing too old for these kinds of things, she felt like she just barely avoided a heart attack.  
   “We will need to wait a bit longer, there are too many people in the corridors.” Cedric whispered.  
   “That was way too close for comfort,” Claudia replied just as quietly. Her hands were still shaking ever so slightly. “What if the desk had been too small?”  
   Cedric chuckled softly. “I knew we could hide underneath the desk. We could have probably overacted it just as well~ It was only the two of them after all. And if push came to shove, I would have teleported us out of here.”  
   Claudia blinked in surprise and turned to look up at him. “You can take me with you? You never told me.”  
   Cedric smiled softly and let his fingertip slide along a strand of her hair. “I can, but you might get dizzy or sick, so I’d like to avoid it.”  
   “I see…” Teleporting _did_ sound like something that might have a negative effect on the human body. _It must feel strange, too._  
   It was only then that Claudia remembered Cedric had been about to say something before they got interrupted. Questioningly, she looked up at him. “You wanted to say something earlier, didn’t you?”  
   “Ah… Yes.” He crooked his head in thought. “While observing the gathered nobility, I noticed that recently as soon as we start to talk about rumours or gossip, Lord Curd would be the one informed best… Saying his wife Mary told him about it. She attends a lot of social gatherings, doesn’t she?”  
   It took a second for Claudia to catch the cue. “You mean…?” She frowned, trying to remember the few times she had met Mary. Claudia knew that many people liked her and that she was often found at social gatherings, but she was a bit shy, very friendly… “Do you think being one of us would fit her…?”  
   Cedric shrugged. “I’m not sure. She’s very different from Margaret, but she seemed loyal and honest from what I can tell. We could consult about it with the others and offer it to her. There’s not much for us to lose, after all. Being married to Lord Curd, she likely already knows plenty about the things we are doing anyway.”  
   Claudia nodded slowly. “Yes, I agree. We should talk about it with the others once we’re able to return.”  
   Silence befell them and after a few moments, she looked up at Cedric to find him staring off into the distance. His face was not only void of a grin or even a smile, but looked almost… troubled.  
   Gently, she touched his hand. “You keep thinking about something, don’t you?” Earlier she had thought the same. It was barely noticeable, but he behaved differently than usual.  
   Cedric chuckled and buried his face in her shoulder. “My my, I’m becoming awfully easy to read, am I not?”  
   “I’ve known you for a long time, it’s only natural.” She replied, unable to get another glimpse of his face.  
   For a few seconds he kept silent and she literally felt him thinking. Finally, he started to talk, his voice barely above a whisper.  
   “I was thinking about what you said earlier….” He paused and his grip on her tightened a bit. “I wish I were able to grow old and ugly. Being immortal among humans… Someday you’ll…” He didn’t finish the sentence. “And I… will end up alone.”  
   Claudia opened her mouth and then closed it again. She would have liked to say something comforting, would have liked to tell him that everything was going to be alright, but it wasn’t as simple as that. It was true: She would grow old and die someday, while he would still have an eternity to live. Every human he would ever meet and befriend would die before him. He was bound to lose everyone, over and over again.  
   Claudia felt her chest going tight with dread and sympathy at the mere thought and she pressed her lips together to a thin line. No words of comfort came to her so she just intertwined their fingers and softly kissed the back of his hand. Thinking of the future had never felt that dreadful before. Not because someday death would come for her, but because she was bound to leave him behind.  
   “I love you.” His voice was thin and sounded strangely lost in the empty room.  
   She turned to embrace him tightly and he wrapped his arms around her in return, burying his face in her shoulder.  
   “I love you too.” She whispered into his ear.  
    Even as they sat there, holding onto each other for a while, she could not feel his distress fading or subsiding. She frowned in concern. This had not just been caused by her careless comment earlier, had it?  
   Carefully, she loosened her embrace and leaned back a few inches to catch a glimpse of his face. “Did something happen?”  
   He sighed softly. It was only now that she noticed that he looked incredibly tired. “I’ve been having nightmares for the past few days…”  
   “I see,” She responded quietly. Having known him for such a long time, she knew that it wasn’t rare for him to have nightmares. Still… “What… kind of nightmares?”  
   Cedric met her gaze for a moment and then avoided it again. He exhaled slowly. “You… died. Over and over.”  
   _So that’s why…_ Claudia opened her mouth, but no words came to her, so she closed it again. Instead, she slowly raised her hand to his face, gently caressing his cheek and neck. He let his eyes fall closed and allowed himself to lean into her touch a bit.  
   Normally, she would have asked him why he didn’t come to see her at night when he had been plagued by nightmares like these, but she already knew the answer. Due to the Season, Claudia was currently residing at the summerhouse. Cedric visiting her at night when she was at the Manor didn’t pose much of a problem, but the summerhouse was considerably smaller and the bedrooms much closer to one another. Still…  
   “If you want to, you can visit tonight,” Claudia offered. “My husband returned to the Manor two days ago and Vincent and Francis are not particularly fond of the summerhouse so they accompanied him. It should be safe right now.”  
   Slowly, Cedric opened his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips. “In that case, I’ll come gladly.”  
   She smiled back and leaned in to kiss him briefly. It was only then that she noticed they were still sitting beneath the desk while people were looking for them.  
   Cedric must have guessed her thoughts. “The corridors have emptied by now. We should find Lord Curd and Lord Devitt. From what I can tell, they haven’t returned to the main hall yet either.”  
   Claudia nodded. “Alright. Then let’s go.”  
   They carefully left the room to wander the halls of the mansion and before long they found Lord Devitt and Lord Curd consulting about candidates for Lady Doyle’s position in a mostly empty gathering room. Obviously, they weren’t surprised when they heard about Viscountess Winter’s approaches on Undertaker, but they were very surprised when Claudia and Cedric suggested to ask Mary to join the ranks of her informants. Neither of them seemed particularly reluctant so in the end, Lord Curd decided to deliver the offer to her and send word as soon as Mary had decided.  
   Claudia would have liked nothing better than to leave the social event now that they might have found someone to replace Lady Doyle, but it would have been considered impolite to leave that early so they stayed for a while longer. As soon as it was safe to bid their farewells they did and returned to their homes by carriage. She parted with Cedric in front of the summerhouse, but it was only about an hour later that they were reunited once again.  
   Claudia smiled when he appeared out of thin air next to her window and grinned at her. She had long since locked all the doors to her bedroom, so she kept lying in bed while Cedric took off his coats and shoes and then crawled underneath the blanket as well.  
   Smiling, Claudia snuggled up to him and he chuckled softly, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. Compared to earlier, he looked happier. Almost… relieved. Maybe because he wouldn’t need to spend another night alone with these dreadful nightmares.  
   “You don’t need to stay awake,” Claudia whispered gently. “I locked the doors, so you can just sleep if you think you’ll be able to.”  
   He smiled tenderly. “As long as you’re here with me, I’ll be fine.”  
   Claudia mirrored his expression and he let his eyes fall closed before he wrapped his arms around her in a loose embrace, like he always did when he stayed the night. Claudia gazed at his face for a moment longer. The exhaustion was clearly evident on his features even if he had overplayed it well. Smiling softly, she brushed her fingers over his cheek and then combed through his long silvery hair until she felt him relaxing against her body.  
   Before sleep could sweep him away, he cracked an eye open once more and leaned in to press a feathery kiss to her lips, smiling. Instead of pulling back, he carefully rested his forehead against hers while she proceeded to run her hand through his hair and over his skin.  
   As time had passed, she had noticed that he slept best when she was with him. He fell asleep faster and he was less likely to be haunted by nightmares – and if he was, he never woke up screaming or crying like she knew he did when he was alone.  
   _I wonder how things would have been if we had married and lived as a couple..._ Both of them had managed to adapt themselves to the situation at hand, but even after all these years Claudia still wished it could have been different. Just as she wished that they weren’t bound to part someday. Because she was caught in an hourglass, the sand grains mercilessly ticking away her time, while his hour glass stood still and no matter how much he wished for it: Neither he nor she could set it back in motion.


	18. The nightmares that haunt us

Claudia had investigated and solved many cases of murder, abduction, abuse, drug and weapon dealing and human trafficking since she had started working as the Queen’s Watchdog. More than she could have possibly been bothered to remember or count. Even with different culprits and circumstances, most of these cases were very similar – in motive, in approach, in solution. And so was this one – or so she had thought, more than a month ago when the Queen’s butler John Brown had brought her a letter containing the orders to solve this case and catch the culprits.  
   At first glance, there had been nothing special about the case she had been ordered to solve. A number of people had vanished. Some of them had been found dead in back alleys, while some of them were still missing. There had been a break-in close to the spot where one of the corpses had been found and while examining the bodies they had found hints of drug use and physical abuse. However cruel the culprit’s deeds were, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Most likely a gang of criminals, trying to earn money or just doing whatever the hell crossed their twisted minds.  
   From the very beginning, it had been hard to obtain any information about the criminals. The people who had been abducted or killed weren’t connected, so it was likely that the culprits were hired killers. Naturally, they had first concentrated on possible constituents, but in the end any lead they had found came to nothing. Thus, they had considered theft as a possible motive, but not every victim had been robbed – not every victim had been abused either.  
   In the end, every investigation led to nothing – not only concerning the murders, but also concerning the break-ins and every other kind of crime that was likely connected to the gang of criminals they were trying to track down. Nothing they did made sense – quite the opposite, it was utterly pointless. It was nothing like anything she had ever seen.  
   Claudia and the Evil Noblemen spent the greater part of two weeks trying to gain intelligence, but in the meantime, the culprits happily continued murdering another ten people, while five more went missing and three stores were robbed, one of them set ablaze and completely burned out.  
   It was at that time that the Queen’s butler paid her another visit. It hadn’t been much of a surprise when her butler Andrew had knocked against the door of her study, John Brown standing behind him. Claudia had expected him to show up sometime soon. After all, the crimes were still ongoing.  
   As soon as he had closed the door behind him, Brown stepped closer and offered her a polite nod, his whole eye area covered by these strange, dark-tinted glasses of his. “Countess Phantomhive. I do apologize for interrupting your work.”  
   She gazed back at him unblinking. “Not at all, Mr. Brown. How may I help you?”  
   “Her Majesty the Queen let me know that she is growing very concerned about the current turn of events.” As he spoke, his facial expression didn’t change once, ever the same sober and unfazed attitude. “The reports we have obtained are signalling that the criminal acts of those whose capture you have been tasked with are not subsiding but growing worse instead. Therefore she sent me to demand an explanation for the obvious lack of progress in solving the case at hand.”  
   Claudia nodded, put her pen a side and folded her hands on top of the desk. She had already prepared herself for this visit more than a week ago, so she explained the events of the last two weeks calmly and smoothly.  
   “The motive behind those crimes is still unknown,” Claudia ended her speech. “Though looking at our observations, the motive behind them does not seem to be plain like it usually is – earning money, getting rid of individuals for personal or professional reasons. There does seem to be a greater scheme behind these acts of violence and theft.”  
   “I shall convey this information to Her Majesty the Queen immediately upon my return,” John Brown responded politely and took a short bow. “Though I do believe that Her Majesty would be interested in your thoughts about possible motivations behind these murders, so I humbly ask about your suspicions concerning this matter.”  
   Claudia wasn’t particularly surprised by his inquiry. Ever since Prince Albert had died a few years ago, John Brown barely ever left the Queen’s side and thus had gained a special rank among her servants. Even though his attitude was humble, he had the confidence to do and ask things other servants wouldn’t – not to mention the rumours and speculations that had spread about the kind of relationship he entertained with the Queen ever since Prince Albert’s death.  
   “There are many possibilities and it’s too early to rule out any of them,” Claudia responded seriously. “Maybe, they’re just aiming to cause turmoil, but it’s just as possible that they are planning to gain attention and revolt against the crown.”  
   “That sounds very concerning indeed. I shall make Her Majesty the Queen aware of this possibility immediately.” John Brown took yet another bow, before he stepped back from her desk. “Thank you for your time, Countess Phantomhive. I shall take my leave now.”  
   Wasting no time as usual, John Brown made for the door and left, Claudia staring after him for a while. He was a strange fellow. He had showed up out of nowhere and had quickly become the Queen’s most trusted servant. Many people didn’t like him, while Claudia herself wasn’t quite sure what to think of him.  
   She shook her head. _Anyway…_ There were still a bunch of reports on her desk waiting to be looked at and Claudia didn’t have any time to spare. This case… Something about it simply didn’t feel right.  
   And thus, another week passed. Claudia had not expected the crimes to subside and they didn’t – instead, the criminals seemed to find an increasing glee in setting buildings ablaze. But it was only when Lord Devitt’s servants found the immolated corpse of a dog in front of their mansion that Claudia was certain that this case would be nothing like anything she had ever faced. It wasn’t long after, that Lord Curd’s servants found another dead dog, strangled and hanging in a tree on his property.  
   The next time John Brown payed Claudia a visit, the possible motivations behind the recent crimes had decreased in number drastically. In fact, there were only two possibilities left: Either they were revolting against the crown through indirect means… Or they were targeting Claudia herself and along with her the Evil Noblemen. The number of dead dogs that had been found in various spots in London was by now disturbingly high and it wasn’t hard to make the connection: She was the Queen’s Watchdog, after all. Those which had been hidden or placed on the property of the Evil Noblemen were especially unmistakable hints.  
   The number of dead dogs being left near the property of the Evil Noblemen had decreased since they had raised security, but every now and then, they still showed up – the last of them near Scotland Yard’s office.  
   Even though they were operating at full capacity, it was still ridiculously hard to track down the criminals. They had managed to capture three of them alive over the last few weeks, but all of them had just been small fries, who barely had any idea about the great scheme behind their doings. They had likely just been paid by more high-ranking members and not been told anything important.  
   Naturally, as soon as they had finally found a trace that had looked promising, they acted immediately. Lord Curd sent five of his best men to investigate and neither of them returned. A few days later, their corpses started to show up all over London – alternatively shot or stabbed. There was no one left to tell them what had happened, but it was safe to assume that they had been lured into a trap.  
   After this incident, the actions of the culprits became even more violent and aggressive. A stranger had shot bullets at the carriage of the Curd family when Mary, who had joined their ranks after Lady Doyle’s death, had been on her way to a social gathering she had wanted to attend to fish for information. Fortunately, she had remained unharmed, but the criminal’s intention had been very clear: They had aimed to injure or even kill her.  
   It was around that time that Cedric joined the investigation of Lord Curd, Lord Devitt and Scotland Yard in secrecy. In all the years she had known him, it was the first time he had ever done this. Using the powers he possessed as a Grim Reaper, he started to stalk London at night, trying to catch the criminals red-handed and follow them to track down their headquarters. But even with his powers he couldn’t be everywhere at the same time and no matter how many nights he stalked the streets: Every time the criminals struck, he was nowhere nearby. And by the time smoke and fire or the presence of other Grim Reapers led him to the crime scene, the culprits were long gone. London was huge, yes, but Claudia had seen him teleporting. She knew what he was able to do and to think that even he couldn’t track them down was… unsettling and strange.  
   Only about two weeks ago, Lord Devitt’s men had shot two criminals who had tried to sneak on his property, likely trying to get into the mansion or set it ablaze like they had with many other buildings by now. The night before that, another man had attempted to set the shop next to Cedric’s funeral parlour on fire, but Cedric had killed him before he could cause any damage. And a week ago, two of Claudia’s subordinates had been murdered as they had attempted to follow a man who had been seen lurking around the summerhouse suspiciously often.  
   The number of causalities on their side was rising rapidly and yet, there was nothing to be done about it other than strengthening security and trying to find a better opportunity. Claudia could not possibly just give up on the case and act like it wasn’t her business. It most definitely was. So even it was dangerous, they had to keep going.  
   Still, the criminals were always one step ahead, no matter how carefully or swiftly Claudia acted. She had long since lost count of all the people who had been killed over the course of the last month – both innocent citizens and her own allies. But two days ago, they had _finally_ managed to attain information that was much more promising than anything they had ever found before. Finally, after all this time, it felt like they would be able to put an end to this.  
   Claudia had spent hours planning and scheming for this one grand operation they would carry out tomorrow night. Everything was organized in minute detail and this time, their sources were absolutely reliable. Claudia, the Evil Noblemen and their subordinates would split into groups and scatter throughout London, seek out the places where the next attacks were supposedly going to take place and meet the criminals head-on. On top of this, they had received word that this time, there would be two or three of the more high-ranking members involved and she absolutely needed to catch them.  
   Today, she had come to Cedric’s funeral parlour to fill him in on the planned operation. But in the end, it didn’t turn out how she had expected… If asked, she could not have said how, when or why they had ended up fighting like this.  
   “I’ve checked our information sources over and over again,” Claudia said for probably the fifth time that afternoon. “They cannot get _any_ more reliable.”  
   Cedric snorted in exasperation, his bright eyes fiercely fixed on her own. “If you really think that this is enough to make this operation any more safe, then you are growing _blind_.”  
   She shook her head in utter confusion and rising anger. “I do not _understand_ what your problem is. I did _everything_ I could.”  
   Undertaker exhaled sharply and turned to pace through the funeral parlour indignantly. “I told you! It’s not making _any_ sense,” he replied intently. “We’ve had severe troubles tracking down the culprits for more than a month. We’ve lost _countless_ human lives trying. It was _impossible_! And from one day to the next, we got _all_ the information at hand.”  
   Irately, she crossed her arms. “They made a _mistake_. I’ve been investigating on this case for _weeks_ now. This is how my business _works_. Criminals don’t present themselves on a silver platter. So I run after them until they finally make a goddamn mistake and then I catch them. We’ve seen this happening countless of times and you _know_ that.”  
   “It doesn’t make any _sense_!” He threw his hands up in irritation and turned around to face her so fast that his hair lashed through the air. “They were impossibly clever - untouchable - all this time and now they make a mistake as major as this?”  
   “They had to make a mistake at some point,” Claudia snapped back at him, fury rising in her chest. Their gazes clashed once more.  
   “It’s a _trap_!” Cedric responded forcefully.  
   “They made a _mistake_ ,” she repeated louder.  
   As Cedric reached his desk, his fingers clutched the edge of the tabletop. “Claudia, you are _not_ thinking straight,” He ground out, his voice lingering on every word. “This is not like you. I know that this case is frustrating, but you cannot let the frustration blind you.”  
   “I can see perfectly clear, thank you,” Claudia hissed sharply. For a moment, she saw something flashing in his eyes, but she didn’t pay it any mind. “I’ve planned this operation in minute detail and-.”  
   “Claudia-”  
   “No!” She interrupted him fiercely. “I will carry out this operation if it’s the last thing I’ll ever do.”  
   For a few seconds Cedric was absolutely silent. He merely looked at her, shaking his head ever so slightly while his chest heaved with panting breaths. Then he suddenly turned on his heel and made towards the door leading to the backrooms. He whirled around once more, the long bangs lashing into his face and covering it.  
   “This case will be your _downfall_ ,” Cedric forced out in a strangled voice. Without another word he threw the door shut behind him. The impact was so powerful that the beakers on the shelfs clattered against each other. Claudia jumped when an empty picture frame fell off the wall next to her.  
   For a moment, she just stood there, starring at the closed door and silently wondering what had just happened. They had never before fought like this.  
   Slowly, she exhaled and ran her shaky fingers over her hair. _Shit_.  
   She had not meant to fight with him. Of course, she knew that this operation held a certain danger for everyone involved – herself included. But she wasn’t _stupid_. She would never endanger the lives of more than fifty people if she didn’t think that the planned initiative would be successful. She’d been doing this job for longer than fifteen years, of course she was cautious. But she also knew that every operation held a certain risk to fail and a certain danger for those carrying it out. It simply wasn’t possible to rule out any risk. This was an unavoidable part of her job description.  
   And this opportunity was one in a million. She didn’t know if she would ever find an opportunity like this again, not with a group of criminals that operated so carefully. She _had_ to solve this case, the atmosphere in the whole city had already changed drastically. What else could she have done anyway? This was her job. There was no way she was able to stop here – even if she had wanted to. _I cannot just let an opportunity like this pass. But…_  
   She frowned and raised her gaze to the closed door that led to Cedric’s living area. If they had lived together, if they would have seen each other every day, maybe she would have just turned around and left. But she couldn’t bring herself to. They rarely saw each other in private, maybe once a week, sometimes even less. She knew that it was probably not the best idea to follow him right now as they’d likely end up shouting at each other again, but… Just leaving like this didn’t feel right.  
   In the end, she took a long, deep breath and let her eyes fall closed for a moment, trying to force herself to calm down. She was still irritated, but she didn’t want them to end up fighting again either. When she felt ready, she slowly approached the door and opened it. It was not hard to guess which room he had vanished into. She followed the corridor and approached the door that led to the room that was both his bedroom and his living room. It wasn’t closed, just hanging ajar. Carefully, she pushed the door open and closed it behind her. Cedric was sitting on the couch, facing in the opposite direction. He didn’t make any attempt to look at her or break the silence.  
   After a moment of hesitation, she walked towards him and around the couch. She had prepared herself to find him fuming with rage, to meet his fierce gaze once more and maybe get yelled at. She stopped dead in her tracks when she found him crying instead.  
   His long bangs were covering his face, but tears kept silently streaming down his cheeks, dripping down his nose and chin onto his arms and hands he had folded in his lap. And with that, Claudia felt her anger popping, just like a balloon holding too much air.  
   For a few seconds she just stood there, flabbergasted. When she could finally move again, she knelt down in front of him only to have him lowering his gaze to avoid hers.  
   “Why are you crying…?” She asked in a hushed tone, the anger from earlier replaced by concern.  
  He didn’t answer.  
   When she reached for his bangs in an attempt to brush them aside he turned his face away and she pulled back. She thought about taking hold of his hands instead, but she figured that maybe he didn’t want that either.  
   “Shall I leave…?”  
   She saw his Adam’s apple moving as he swallowed hard and he shook his head ever so slightly.  
  Again, she had to suppress the urge to take hold of his hands or caress his cheek. She couldn’t bear to see him crying. It felt like someone pierced her heart with a knife, over and over again. “Cedric…?”  
   He kept silent for a few more moments and then opened his mouth to take a shallow, shaky breath. When he started to talk, his voice sounded strained and was thick with tears.  
   “This case… is nothing like anything we ever faced. These criminals are _targeting_ you. They will-” He broke off, pressing his lips together for a second and then continuing. “They will try to kill you. Something… is _wrong_. I’ve been living as a Grim Reaper for such a long time. I saw death happening over and over again.” He swallowed with difficulty and Claudia couldn’t help but gently put her hands on his knees in an attempt to comfort him. This time, he didn’t pull away. “I’ve been running around with these notebooks for ages. When I close my eyes, I…” He forcefully inhaled once more, the grip on his folded hands tightening. “I can almost see your name in it. This… This whole case… This is not _normal_. I should have been able to- to find them, but…” He shook his head ever so slightly, a shaky breath spilling from his lips. “It’s a trap – and if you go to this place, you will d-“  
   The last word refused to pass his lips. He closed his mouth and she saw his lips twitching into a grimace before he brought up his hands to bury his face in his palms. His shoulders trembled as he sobbed forcefully, his whole body shaking as he tried to hold it back but couldn’t. Claudia watched in speechless terror as he crumbled before her while her mind was still rattling, trying to comprehend what kind of notebook he had been talking about, but unable to. His breath came in ragged pants and his voice held a kind of despair she had never before heard in his voice – groundless, mingled with raging, pent up anxiety. He had never before cried like this. She had known him for sixteen years and she had seen him crying with sadness or grief, but never like this.  
   And only then she realized that he was crying because he was afraid to lose her.  
   Helplessly, she reached first for his arms and then for his shoulders. “Hey…” she tried, patting and rubbing his shoulders, his arms, his back, but nothing she attempted was even remotely enough to soothe him. “Cedric, I’m sorry. I’m here with you. Please…” She had no idea what to do or say. Words just kept tumbling over her lips and soon, she felt tears of helplessness welling up in her own eyes.  
   “Cedric,” she softly called out to him, wrapping her hands around his neck and bringing her face close to his hands. “Look at me. Cedric, please. I love you.” Her voice broke on the last words. Not even she knew what this had to do with anything, but the words just stumbled over her lips.  
   When nothing she attempted to calm him down showed any effect, she just wrapped her arms around his shaking form and held onto him tightly. After a few seconds she felt him lowering his hands and clawing them into her clothing instead. His long sharp fingernails unpleasantly pressed against her back, but right now she wouldn’t even have cared if he would have pierced her skin open. Every desperate sound that escaped his mouth ripped her heart into more tiny, little pieces.  
   Claudia kept rubbing his back and whispered sweet nothings into his ear, but every time she thought that he would get better, it got worse again. After what felt like an eternity, she pulled back a bit and cupped his wet cheeks with her hands. It only took a moment for her to feel more tears sliding along her fingers and over the back of her hands.  
   “Cedric…” She briefly pulled his face up and leaned her forehead against his, his long bangs parting their gazes like a curtain. She opened her mouth, but didn’t know what to say. If it had been possible she would have turned back time to prevent this from happening in the first place. If they had not fought like this, she would have not said stupid things like ‘and if it’s the last thing I’ll ever do’.  
   _Goddamnit, I’m so dumb. For me to say such a thing._ Of course, she had not meant it, but it had undoubtedly added up to his anxiety.  
   And to make things even more complicated: she had been here way longer than she had originally planned – or told her servants for that matter. She had only come here to tell Cedric about the planned operation – and then everything had escalated. She could not just stay here, but she couldn’t leave either.  
   As if Cedric had guessed her thoughts, his fingers wrapped around her arm tightly. “Please don’t go,” he managed in between sobs. “I beg you.”  
   His words hit her like a brick wall. She felt terrible for the sheer fact that he felt like he needed to beg her. Never in all these years had he asked anything of her and she would have _never_ rejected him now that he asked her once. No matter the situation, he had always told her that she was free to leave anytime. And she knew he would have let her go, even now. But of course she wouldn’t. Not like this.  
   Gently, she wrapped her arms around him once more. “I won’t,” she whispered into his ear. “I promise. I… Just give me twenty minutes, alright? I’ll be back.” She pulled back a few inches to look at him and this time, she was able to meet his gaze. His usually clear and beautiful eyes were reddened and shimmering with tears. “I promise.”  
  He looked at her for a few moments, distress clearly reflecting in his eyes, but in the end he nodded slightly.  
   She squeezed his hand tenderly. It took her an almost inhuman effort to let go of him and turn. She ran down the corridor, through the front room, out of the door and on the street. People turned to look at her, but she didn’t slow down. While she ran, her mind was rattling and plotting, but she still needed to keep an eye on her surroundings. Lately, London was a dangerous place even though night had not yet fallen. When she finally saw the summerhouse, she forced herself to go slower. She was plagued by a stitch in her side, but right now she didn’t have any spare thoughts to waste on that.  
   Hastily, Claudia walked towards the house and was greeted by her butler Andrew who had been standing guard at the doorway. The way his face fell at the sight of her approaching him was more than enough evidence that he had long since realized something had happened.  
   “Countess.” He bowed quickly and when he continued his voice was hushed. “Whatever is the matter?”  
   Claudia had to gulp for air before she managed to speak. “It’s about the operation we had planned for tomorrow night. I received information from Undertaker that the opportunity we meant to use had been intentionally forwarded to us. Meaning… They are trying to lure us into a trap. I need to gather further intelligence on this matter immediately. I am unsure how long this is going to take. I will not take the risk of traversing London at night, so if it gets late, I will stay inside a building and you should do the same.”  
   Andrew nodded, the expression on his face serious. “I agree. Shall I inform your husband?”  
   “Yes.” Claudia’s gaze wandered to the street shortly, but there was no one nearby who was able to hear them. “I also want you to alert Lord Curd and Lord Devitt immediately. They shall seek for intelligence on this matter as well. I shall meet them tomorrow noon to discuss the planned operation at the summerhouse. Also, we need to raise security for this assembly in case the criminals should try something.”  
   Andrew took a deep bow. “Of course. I shall arrange everything immediately.”  
   Claudia nodded and turned on her heel. “I’m leaving. Stay alert.”  
   With wide and fast steps she walked down the streets of London once more. When she was out of sight, she started to run again. She had told Cedric she’d be back in twenty minutes and truth be told, that had been a rather optimistic estimate. Even if she ran with all her might she could barely manage it in such a short time, not even taking the talk with Andrew into account.  
   When she arrived at the funeral shop, she was still only three minutes late. She had to catch her breath for a moment and then locked the front door behind her. She hadn’t asked Cedric for permission, but couldn’t imagine him being willing to take any new assignments today.  
   Slowly, she returned to the back rooms and found him in the same spot. He was no longer sobbing, but when she returned to the couch she found that he was still crying. Silently this time.  
   She sat next to him and rubbed his back with one hand and intertwined their fingers with the other. “I’m sorry. I ran as fast as I could.”  
   He just shook his head and she interpreted his response as a ‘doesn’t matter’.  
   She leaned forward a bit to be able to look at his face, concern openly displayed on her features. “Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to make some tea?”  
   Again, he just shook his head.  
   “Claudia…,” he began hoarsely and almost choked on his own words.  
   “It’s alright,” she told him gently, while she caressed the back of his hand. “I told my butler to contact Lord Curd and Lord Devitt and assign them to seek more intelligence on the matter. I will call off the planned initiative by noon tomorrow. Is that fine?”  
   This time, Cedric raised his head and turned to look at her in disbelief. When she looked closer she saw an expression of hope crossing his eyes. “You’ll call it off…?”  
   Claudia nodded. She had decided to believe in his judgement, however disappointed or displeased the Queen might be. She just hoped the Evil Noblemen could provide a bit more evidence by the next day. She would call it off anyway, but she preferred to have a few more points for her decisions.  
   She smiled softly when he wrapped his arms around her in relief and held her tightly. His breath was still shaking ever so slightly, but slowly, it calmed. When they pulled apart after a few minutes, his tears had subsided, but he was a complete mess.  
   He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands, smiling wryly. “I ought to wash my face.”  
   She smiled at him warmly. “Alright.”  
   He disappeared into the bathroom for a short time. When he returned his eyes were still reddened, but overall he looked better. Exhausted he dropped on the couch next to her. She didn’t know what to say and neither did he so silence befell them. After a while Claudia reached for his hand and took hold of it. He was undoubtedly relieved that she had decided to call off her attempt to catch the criminals, but for her, the situation was still hard to grasp. She had barely understood half of the things he had said.  She still didn’t know what kind of notebook he had been talking about. But what had become clear to her was that he had feared for her life. He had cried as if she had told him she would die tomorrow. And maybe that was exactly what it had been to him. She just couldn’t comprehend it – maybe because he was a Grim Reaper and had access to knowledge she did not. She had never asked him what the work of a Grim Reaper looked like. What they did and how.  
   “What are… these notebooks you were talking about…?” she asked carefully.  
   He looked down at his hands so she couldn’t see his eyes before he answered, his voice wavering. “Every Grim Reaper carries one… It tells them where to go. Which soul to take. Which person will die… I don’t have mine anymore.”  
   Claudia frowned, feeling both disbelief and dread rising in her chest. “You mean… They don’t go to the places where people die _after_ they are dead, but _before_? There are notebooks that tell them the future…?”  
   He just nodded.  
   “But that would mean… that death is predetermined…?”  
   Again, he simply nodded and kept avoiding her gaze.  
   Claudia’s frown deepened as she tried to comprehend. She had always believed that the decisions a human made were free. That she was free to do whatever she felt she needed or wanted to do. But… When there was a book that foretold death… Was it possible that a human didn’t have any say in the way his or her life went or the place and time he or she died? Was it possible that everyone’s story was already written? The thought was unpleasant and something inside her refused to believe in that kind of concept. She could have just done it differently, couldn’t she? Life was about the decisions a human made, wasn’t it?  
   “Do… these notebooks change sometimes?”  
   Cedric shrugged his shoulders uncertainly. “I’m not sure. I never saw it doing that, at least. But when I’d manage to foresee it… Then we should be able to prevent it, shouldn’t we?”  
   “So… If you were right about what you suspect…” Claudia looked down at their intertwined fingers. “Then… you attempted to change it for me?”  
   He didn’t reply, but his grip on her fingers tightened slightly. Even though he was no longer crying she almost physically felt his remaining distress and fear. And she didn’t know how to relieve him. She felt troubled herself at the very thought of a notebook foretelling death that might have held her name – and maybe it still did. It was true: The last weeks had been madness and this case was most definitely not normal. So if she had gone through with this operation… Would it have killed her?  
   Claudia’s thoughts were interrupted when Cedric’s fingers brushed over her cheek gently. She raised her gaze to find him watching her through half-lidded eyes.  
   “You look gloomy,” Cedric mumbled softly.  
   Claudia couldn’t help but to laugh at his words even though there wasn’t anything funny about it. “Right back at you.” Slowly, she exhaled and let her gaze wander into space for a moment. “These notebooks… It’s just… _really_ scary.”  
   “I know...” Carefully, he brushed the bangs out of her face and caressed her cheek. He looked like he wanted to say more, but in the end he didn’t. Instead, his expression turned very gentle and she suddenly felt like she could see to the bottom of his soul. “I love you.”  
   She opened her mouth to tell him the same, but he already bent down to kiss her. First slowly and tenderly and then deeper until his tongue entered her mouth and she felt herself melting against him.  
   After a while he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes falling closed. That familiar smile of his was still nowhere to be seen. “I’m sorry. Just… bear with me for a while.”  
   “Of course,” she replied quietly. With circumstances being as they were she understood that he couldn’t just switch back to his usually happy, laughing and bubbly self. Neither could she, but she at least wanted to try to lighten the mood. Of course, they could spend the next few hours being anxious about endless disturbing possibilities, but in the end, it wouldn’t get them anywhere.  
   While thinking on a good change of topic, she casually reached for a strand of his hair and played with it. “Would it raise your mood if I said that I told Andrew that I probably won’t return before tomorrow morning?”  
   He opened his eyes and blinked up at her with surprise. “You’re going to stay the whole evening and night?”  
   Claudia raised an eyebrow at his expression and smirked nonchalantly. “I can leave earlier if you want me to.”  
   Now there was a smirk pulling at his lips after all. “Oh, I wasn’t complaining.”  
   She giggled at his reaction and loosely wrapped her arms around his neck. “I thought so.”  
   In response, he closed the distance between them once more and kissed her, slowly pushing her backwards until she found herself lying on the couch with him hovering above her.  
   When he pulled back, she put a wide grin on her lips and crooked her head. “I will stay for dinner too, you know. What can you offer?”  
   “Mh…” he thought out loud and looked into space for a moment before he smirked at her, his eyes gleaming cheekily. “Cookies?”  
   “Really!” she laughed and playfully smacked her hand against his chest. “I cannot live on cookies until tomorrow morning. You have something else, don’t you?”  
   “Dooo I…?” He mused, the grin on his lips growing wider.  
   “… You do, right?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You promised me to take better care of yourself, remember? I swear, if I cannot find anything edible but cookies I will hunt you down in the street.”  
   She wiggled underneath him to check the kitchen immediately, but he just wrapped his arms around her and put almost his whole body weight on her. She struggled a bit harder, but she couldn’t move an inch. He was too heavy.  
   “Cedric…!” She complained, unable to contain the laughter bubbling to the surface and helplessly trying to push his upper body up.  
   He chuckled against her shoulder in response. “Yes, my love? Am I being terrible again?”  
   Claudia shook her head, laughing. “Yes! Yes, you are!”  
   Cedric just chuckled with his deep smooth voice and buried his face in her shoulder. After a few more seconds, she gave up trying to wriggle her way out and rested her hand on his back instead, smiling.  
   “I bought a few groceries yesterday,” He mumbled against her shoulder. When she listened closely, she could hear the fatigue in his voice. “We should be able to make something edible.”  
   When he didn’t make any attempt to get up, Claudia wrapped her arms around him. He lifted a bit of his body weight off her so it wouldn’t get unpleasant and then snuggled his face into her hair. He really was like a kitten sometimes. It was ironic how people thought he was creepy and perverted, but in truth he was fond of cuddling and exchanging even the simplest gestures of affection.  
   As time passed and dinner time arrived, they got up from the couch and prepared a simple but tasty meal. Considering she had never cooked anything in her life and he was more into baking, Claudia thought they had done a good job. It was fun spending time with him like this, trying to figure out how to best cut the vegetables and how to flavour the food while Cedric used every opportunity there was to tease her.  
   After they had finished their meal they returned to the main room and spend another few hours lying on the couch, huddled together and talking about everything that came to mind. Claudia guessed his favourite books merely by the amount of dust she could see from where she was lying, they imitated the most stupid noblemen and –women they had met on the social events they had attended until both of them were lying on the floor laughing and afterwards, they just looked at the ceiling and tried to make out patterns, objects or words in the curious grain of the wood planks. Claudia almost choked on her own laughter when Cedric pulled off some sort of stand-up comedy he had learned from Alex with the skeleton he had dropped on her once, while Cedric laughed tears as he had her guessing the contents of some vessels and beakers he kept in a side room.  
   Soon, night fell and as it progressed they decided to retire to bed. She obviously didn’t have any nightgown here, so she ended up putting on a pair of his giant pyjamas. She knew that he had female burial garments that weren’t too different from nightgowns, but after the earlier conversation she did not quite feel comfortable putting one on and she imagined he didn’t want to see her wearing one either.  
   She had made herself comfortable on his bed while he had vanished into the bathroom to get himself ready for bed as well. No matter how hard she tried, she could not get rid of that wide smile that was plastered on her lips as she gazed at the ceiling and took in her surroundings. Obviously, this wasn’t the first time she had lain in his bed, but it was the first time she would stay the night. She was very aware that this was probably the only time she’d ever manage to sleep over, so she would enjoy every single second of it. Knowing that there was no one there who could enter the room at any time was very relaxing – no servants, no family, nobody there to disturb their peace.  
   “Enjoying yourself?” Cedric cooed cheekily, standing in the doorway and grinning at her.  
   The smile on Claudia’s lips only grew wider. “Of course.”  
   He laughed and closed the door behind him, locking it like he did with every other door in the parlour ever since the series of crimes had begun. It was strangely relieving that the whole building didn’t have any windows.  
   Cedric’s bright eyes were gleaming with happiness as he stepped closer and halted at the end of the bed, grinning down at her while she smiled back. The bed creaked slightly when he rested his hands on it and slowly crawled towards her. She didn’t move an inch, just watched his smooth, almost elegant movements until he was hovering above her, smiling. His long, silvery hair was cascading down everywhere around her head and on the bed. Slowly, Cedric lifted one hand to cup her cheek and then bent down to brush his lips against hers in a kiss that was so gentle that she felt like she was melting in his arms.  
   Soon, gentle kisses and tender touches turned more passionate and intimate as they revelled in each other’s presence and the quiet and privacy of the parlour. It was long past midnight when they were lying in each other’s arms again, silently talking and laughing for a while longer until they drifted off to a tranquil sleep.


	19. I'm sorry

After spending the night together at the funeral parlour, Claudia and Cedric both woke up early. They had about one more hour to enjoy their privacy, just lying in bed, huddled against each other and talking, but soon after dawn broke, they had to part. Claudia was painfully aware that an opportunity like this might never rise again, but she had enjoyed every second of it so there was nothing to regret. Cedric kissed her goodbye before she left and told her to be careful. She then returned to the summerhouse to prepare herself for the meeting that was set for noon that day.   
   It was only a few hours later that she met Cedric again, and along with him Lord Devitt, Lord Curd and Mary. Fortunately, their reports indeed contained hints that pointed towards the possibility that the information about that night’s targets had been forwarded to them intentionally. It was still very vague, the evidence nowhere near concrete, but considering the circumstances it was enough to reconsider the operation they had planned. In the end, they concluded that the risk of walking into a trap was too high, so nobody objected when Claudia decided to call it off. Lord Curd consented to send a few spies into the areas they had meant to operate in to see from afar if someone would show up. It was a dangerous thing to do, but in the end his spies always did what he told them to – even if it killed them. And if they died Claudia could be sure that something had been going on.  
   As soon as the Evil Noblemen had left, Claudia sought an audience with the Queen and told her about what they had found out and suspected. Just as Claudia had expected, she wasn’t pleased with the sudden change of plans, but in the end she didn’t insist on them running into a potential trap either. But she was very impatient, that was for sure.  
   It was late evening when Claudia finally had some time to breathe. Even though she had called it off, she still felt troubled – not only because those criminals were still out there, ready to assault her and her allies, but also because of the notebooks Cedric had told her about the evening before.   
   It took her almost two hours to finally fall asleep and when she heard a frantic knock at her door she shot up in her bed immediately. It was her maid and the expression on her face alone was enough to have Claudia jump out of bed. For a second she was convinced they were under attack.  
   “What happened?” She forced out, her heart pounding in her chest.  
   Her maid was already pulling clothes out of Claudia’s cabinet with shaking hands. She helped her taking off her nightgown, but she didn’t answer her question. Impatiently, Claudia put on a pair of trousers and shoes while her maid busied herself with buttoning her blouse. When she still didn’t answer, Claudia felt herself snapping at her silence.  
   “For god’s sake, what happened?!” She inquired harshly.   
   The maid just shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears. She had barely closed the last button when Claudia already broke away and ran out of her bedroom and onto the corridor, grabbing her black coat and her guns on the way out. Before she could reach the main hall, Andrew stepped onto the hallways. His breathing came in short pants and his face was reddened as if he had just run a mile.  
   “What happened!” Claudia demanded for the third time this night.  
   Her butler swallowed. “I received a message from Weston College. They told me that Vincent is missing.”  
   Claudia felt her blood freezing in her veins. Her own heartbeat was suddenly so unnaturally loud that she could barely hear anything else. It felt like her ears had turned to the inside.  
   “What…?” She felt strangely disconnected from her own body, her voice sounding like that of a stranger. “Vincent…?”  
   It was as if someone had pulled the floor from underneath her. How could Vincent be gone? He was 15 years old and mature enough to know not to run off alone in the middle of the night – especially not when his family had been targeted by unknown criminals for more than a month. No. He would have never done that. He wasn’t like that. How could this have happened? Who could have taken him? When? And where was he now?  
   It was only seconds later that one of her maids shot around the corner. “Countess!” She held onto a wall for support, breathing harshly. “The Phantomhive Manor is under attack.”  
   “Under attack?” Claudia repeated, her eyes widening. From behind she could hear the footsteps of her husband closing in.  
   “Yes,” the young woman panted forth. “We’ve received a call from the manor staff. They couldn’t say how many assailants there are, but they were surrounded.”  
   “Could it be the same people as those who took Vincent?” This time, it was her husband who spoke. They exchanged a quick glance, worry evident all over his face.  
   “Most likely.” Claudia bit down on her lip. “Attacking the manor now… They’re trying to get my attention. They’re literally calling for me.” She firmly shook her head and tightened the grip on her guns. “I have to go.”   
   She turned towards the main hall only to have her husband grabbing her wrist, forcing her to stop. “Claudia, it’s a trap.”  
   His voice held both despair and worry. Inside her head, she could hear not only his voice but also that of Cedric. She pursed her lips and met his gaze. “I know. But I need to find out what’s going on. If it’s Vincent… I have to.”  
   He looked like he was in pain, but in the end he let go off her. “I know. But promise me to be careful.”  
   “I promise. I don’t have any intention of dying just yet.” She took ten seconds to think over what she was about to do. When she started to speak, her gaze was fixed towards the distance and the expression on her face one of pure concentration. “Contact the Evil Noblemen and Scotland Yard immediately. Send them after us. We’ll scout ahead, but we’ll try to avoid any confrontation. I need to get an idea of what is going on. I need to know who it is and what they want. Vincent is our top priority for now.”  
   She turned towards her maid Natalie. She was the one who had been in contact with Hannah, the maid who was charged with taking care of the Manor during the season. Andrew and two more servants were standing behind them. “You’ll accompany me. Are you armed?”  
   The usually kind and gentle expressions on her servants’ faces turned serious as they put their hands on the weapons hidden inside their clothing.  
   “Good.” Swiftly, Claudia turned around and made for the main hall. “We’re taking a carriage and will leave it behind when we get closer to the manor. Be aware of ambushes, chances are that they’ll try to assault us.”  
   She had almost reached the main hall when she heard fast, light footsteps coming closer at a rapid speed. She didn’t even need to turn around to know who was approaching her, but she still did.   
   Francis breathed heavily, probably woken up by the loud voices and frantic footsteps in the corridors. She was fully dressed, her pale little hand gripping onto the handle of her rapier. “I’ll come too. They got Vincent, didn’t they?”  
   “No, you won’t.”  
   “But…!”  
   “Francis,” Claudia interrupted her and forced herself to not just run out of the door, but walk to her daughter instead. “This is too dangerous.”  
   “I can fight too.” As she spoke, despair was rising in her voice. “I’ve been training all these years.”  
   “I know. I know you’re strong. But this isn’t a fair battle, Francis.” She held her daughter’s fierce gaze unblinkingly. “They will shoot with guns. They won’t face you in a duel. This is no competition. It’s real. I cannot allow you to come. I want at least you to be safe. Please, stay with your father.”  
   The thirteen-year old girl held her gaze for a few seconds longer, her eyes gleaming with countless emotions – disappointment, anger, fear, worry, powerlessness. In the end, she lowered her gaze and Claudia knew she had given up. She exchanged one more gaze with her husband before he stepped next to their daughter and gently put a hand on her shoulder.  
   With that, Claudia walked out into the cool night air, the carriage already prepared. One of her servants took the reins while she climbed into the carriage. Andrew took place on the bench opposite her while Natalie and the other servants positioned themselves at the windows, the dark metal of guns shimmering in the moonlight as they stared into the night intently.   
   “This is incredibly dangerous,” Andrew stated unnecessarily. “We have to advance with caution. We’ll probably be vastly outnumbered, we cannot get surrounded or we’ll be done for.”  
   “I know.” Claudia frowned, peeking outside the window. Before long they left London behind. She closely watched every single tree she could make out while Andrew looked out the other window, doing the same.  
   “We have to rely on back-up,” Claudia whispered even though there was no need to. Her voice was nothing compared to the noises the carriage caused. They’d have to get out of it soon. “Scotland Yard will be on their way shortly and so will the Evil Noblemen. I need to find out what they want from me. Vincent has probably been taken hostage. When Scotland Yard and Lord Curd’s and Lord Devitt’s men will arrive he might get killed in the crossfire. We need the necessary information, preferably before they arrive.”  
   “They might be out for your head,” Andrew answered gravely.  
   What he said was indeed true. “Quite possible. But I won’t die that easily.” She was confident in both her fighting and her negotiation skills. “There is always a way. We just need to find it, and fast.”  
   “Yes, Milady.” He looked out of the window once more. “We should get off and move onwards by foot. The carriage is too loud. If we continue we’d be practically asking for an ambush.”  
   “You’re right,” she concurred.   
   She raised her right arm and used the tip of her gun barrel to knock against the top of the carriage. Her coachman led the horses to the side of the road where they halted and the passengers disembarked. Natalie and the other gunmen secured the area before Claudia and Andrew left the carriage.  
   “As our goal is to gain intelligence, we should split up,” Andrew whispered, gun in hand and watching their surroundings closely. “It’s too easy to spot us when we’re traveling in a group of five.”  
   “One of us should keep an eye on the road,” Natalie added quietly. “It’s likely that attackers are stationed nearby. We should locate them and warn the backup about possible ambushes to avoid any casualties or delays.”  
   Claudia scanned the area for a moment longer. Both of them were right: When they didn’t intend to fight it was best to split for now. Claudia’s main objective was to seek information, but it was also important to make sure the backup could arrive as soon as possible.  
   “Natalie.” Claudia didn’t bother to turn towards the maid. “You will stick close to the road. Don’t get yourself into trouble. Watch the area, look for clues and possible ambushes. When you cannot go on, turn back and warn the backup.” She threw a fast glance towards the other two servants. “You will proceed along the right side of the road. Scan the area. Try to uncover their camp and find Vincent. Should you find out something, return to this place if possible. When I’m not here yet, try to group with Natalie and wait for backup. Andrew and I will scan the area on the left side of the road. Approach the Manor with caution if the way is clear. It might have already been invaded. Understood?”  
   “Yes, Milady,” all four of them answered in unison – quietly, to not attract any unwanted attention.  
   And with that Claudia gave the order to scatter. She had done this countless times, but today her heart was beating like a drum and her breath was coming too fast. She had dealt and negotiated with many criminals who had taken hostages, but these criminals were no ordinary ones - and never before had anything been at stack that meant something to her. But this time, it was different. They had Vincent. She was sure they did. Obviously, this scenario had been carefully planned out. They had taken Vincent and then attacked the manor to lure her out. She would have never let herself being lured into a trap if it had been just the manor under attack. She was here for her son.  
   Even though she was aware that her better judgement was gravely impacted by the fear for Vincent’s life, she had to do this. She could not sit back and do nothing. If Vincent were to die out here she would never be able to forgive herself. She was the Queen’s Watchdog and had hunted criminals for years. Even if these criminals were different… If she couldn’t catch them… who could? First, she needed to find out where her son was and what the culprit’s goal was. She had chosen the approach that was safest, just seeking information for now and not taking action. She wouldn’t get herself into any unnecessary danger – not after what Cedric had told her yesterday. When she sensed trouble, she would turn. These were the rules she had set for herself.   
   And yet she couldn’t shake the sickening feeling of danger, that dark shadow she felt hovering above her. A small voice inside her head was screaming about the notebooks of death the Grim Reapers carried. The books that foretold death and led the reapers to where they would find those who were to die. Inside her head she could hear an echo of Cedric crying and begging her to stay. She felt like she was being torn to pieces, part of her wanting to turn on the spot to protect her own life – not for her own sake but Cedric’s – and the other part wanted to do anything in her power to save their son. In the end, she kept going. She was unable to put her own safety above that of her own child, no matter how torn apart she felt. She just couldn’t.   
   Soon after Andrew and Claudia had entered the forest, she had already lost sight of Natalie while the other group had vanished somewhere inside the woods on the right side of the road leading to the manor. Even though they had only walked for three, maybe four minutes, the woods had already grown thick. In the darkness of the night she could barely make out anything and they couldn’t produce any light either, so she tried to rely on her hearing and her instincts instead of her vision.  
   “We need to watch our backs,” Andrew whispered, barely audible. “There is no telling if they’re already behind us.”  
   Claudia glanced back, but there was nothing to be seen. Just darkness and trees. “I know.”  
   Who were these people and what the hell was the great scheme behind their actions? Did they want to kill her or just make her suffer? She had no doubt that those who were attacking the manor right now were the same people she had tried to catch for weeks now. They had planned to lure her into a trap at precisely this night, hadn’t they? To avoid that trap, she had called tonight’s operation off. Though she would have never expected them to set up another trap – and she would have never thought that they’d be able to penetrate Weston College’s high security. Had they known she wouldn’t fall for it? She had cancelled her plans only that day though. How could they know? Had they just planned ahead because they had guessed she wouldn’t fall for it or had they infiltrated the ranks of her allies? The Evil Noblemen had spent a great part of the last month inspecting their own subordinates to make sure that there was no mole in their ranks feeding the criminals with information. In the end, they hadn’t found anything, but considering how well-organized these criminals were…  
   _Maybe their spies are just as good_.  
   They were awfully close to the manor by now, but the night still remained completely silent. Where the hell could they be hiding?  
   “Do you think they infiltrated the manor?” Claudia asked silently, throwing Andrew a quick glance.  
   Her butler frowned. “Quite possible. We only left three servants behind and there were only a few officers from Scotland Yard to guard the manor after the recent series of crimes. It’s likely that they were outnumbered, maybe they’re already dead.”  
   Claudia bit on her lower lip and quietly hissed to herself. “If they’re dead, the enemy might have already taken control of the manor.”  
   “That’d be troublesome.”  
   He was right. The manor was designed for defending against attackers. There were countless secret passages and eyelets. It would be incredibly hard to infiltrate the manor without getting spotted. She personally had made sure that no one who tried to invade the manor would remain unseen. Her own rigour might lash back at her now.   
   Slowly, the wide open space in front of the manor came into sight. Claudia stopped on the spot when she could make out a body lying in the grass, only a few metres away from a lantern faintly illuminating the surrounding area. The clothing, this dark hair… She immediately recognized the woman as Hannah, the maid who had warned them about the assault. The grass around her shimmered wet and dark, the pool of blood almost looking like tar in the dark of the night.  
   _Shit_ , Claudia cursed inwardly. Under the given circumstances, it was unlikely that the other servants had survived. It appeared as if they had faced them outside. There was no telling how long the woman had already been dead, the culprits might still be close. Too close for comfort.  
   “I hate to say it, but we should withdraw and meet up with Natalie,” Claudia whispered as quietly as possible. There were far too close to the manor. “Going on is too dangerous. They’re probably already inside the manor and they will have taken Vincent with them. We won’t be able to achieve anything here but death.”  
   Claudia stopped dead in her tracks when she felt something touching her back, just above her heart, pressing into the flesh between her rips. Something hard and cold that sent shivers down her spine. The barrel of a gun.  
   Her mind didn’t produce a single clear thought. Not a single word came to her. She felt dread sinking in, groundless and harsh as she realized her mistake. How very foolish. How cliché. For her to realize that a mole had been at work and yet failing to look at her closest allies. Was that it? That was what her downfall would look like?   
   “I almost pity you.” Andrew’s voice sounded no different from usual. No different from all the times he had fought at her side, no different from when she had just been a child and he had looked after her. It was so familiar, it almost hurt. “You didn’t suspect anything, did you? Not even for a second. I’m honoured by your trust.”  
   Her brain rattled as she skipped through her options. She was in a highly unfortunate situation. She still had her weapons in hand, but he was standing behind her and she was unable to aim at him. On top of that, his gun was pressing against a vital spot. If she turned fast enough she might be able to escape the shot into the heart, but he still might hit her lungs. She couldn’t dodge downwards either without the danger of the shot hitting her head. She needed to sidestep if she wanted to escape, but her feet were in no position to move fast.   
   Then she heard footsteps closing in. Multiple footsteps. She glanced sideways without turning her head and could make out men in dark clothing approaching them. They looked like plain criminals, their faces unfamiliar to her. Mere footmen of a greater leader, just like all the others they had caught over the course of the last month. Even without seeing most of them she felt dozens of guns taking aim at her. Had they been followed all this time?   
   So much for her plan to try and fight him. She might manage to shoot two of the footmen, maybe even Andrew if she acted cleverly, but there was no way she would survive if she made a wrong move now. There were too many guns aimed at her.  
   _I need to play for time._ It was the only chance of survival she had right now.   
   “Why?” It was the first question that came to her mind.   
   “Oh Claudia…” She heard him shaking his head. “Let’s not go there, shall we? We all have our reasons for doing what we do, don’t we?”   
   A humourless laugh ripped from her lips. “So you mean to send me to hell without even telling me why it came to this? How cruel, my old friend.”  
   “Ah, trying to guilt trip me?” The barrel of his gun moved on her back, as he pressed it harder into her flesh. “I’d love to tell you, but unfortunately I have my orders.”  
   _So he’s not pulling the strings_. He too was just a subordinate. What had he been promised that he would betray her? Money? He was paid well, had been paid and treated well all these years. She wasn’t aware of any personal grudges either. She was of high-rank, directly reporting to the Queen… What was it she couldn’t give him? Was it possible that he hadn’t only betrayed her but the United Kingdom too? Did he work for foreigners? Germany? She had checked his background years ago, but there had been nothing suspicious about him. Claudia was convinced that Lady Doyle would have noticed too if something had been off about him. She had died three years ago though… No, this development must have only happened recently.   
   She needed to keep the conversation going. “What about Vincent?”  
   He kept silent for a few seconds before he answered with a counter-question. “Do you want to guess?”  
   Claudia pursed her lips. It was her maid who had woken her up earlier, but it had been Andrew who had supposedly been informed about Vincent’s disappearance. Natalie on the other hand had been in contact with the manor and had told her about the ambush. There was no doubt that she hadn’t been lying. The ambush was real, easily proven by Hannah’s dead body lying only about twenty metres away from her. But the information they had gotten from Weston College…  
   “He never went missing, didn’t he?”  
   “He didn’t,” Andrew confirmed coolly. “He’s sound asleep in his dorm.”  
   Claudia pressed her eyes shut for a second. She had trusted in his every word, had not even considered seeking confirmation. She had run here for absolutely nothing but her own death. Her son had been in safety all along and they were too late to save the servants’ lives anyway. Her death would be so utterly meaningless. Led to death by emotions - by fear, stupidity and blind trust. What an end for someone like her. And yet, she couldn’t give up just yet. Not now. Maybe there still was a way out. She just needed more time. More time for Scotland Yard to arrive, for Lord Curd and Lord Devitt and more importantly Cedric. He could move in the blink of an eye, could probably sense her presence in the woods. She didn’t know how well he could fight, never saw him fighting before, but… She had a feeling that he could.   
   “What about the other servants?” Claudia continued on, trying to buy more time. “Did they know about this?”  
   “They didn’t,” Andrew answered. “But our time to chat is running out.” He pressed the gun barrel into her back with more vigour. “Move it.”  
   She didn’t have much choice but to comply. If she resisted she’d just end up getting shot on the spot. So she let him lead her out of the woods, over the grass, passing Hannah’s dead body along the way. She noticed that they were heading for the back side of the building. From the distance, she could make out the corpses of two men from Scotland Yard, only a few metres away from the entrance. They hadn’t even taken Claudia’s weapons from her, for they knew how utterly useless they were right now.  
   “So,” she began cautiously. “Am I going to meet your leader now?”  
   “We’ll see about that,” Andrew dodged her question.  
   _It’s pointless._ Of course, Andrew had long since noticed her strategy of trying to buy time. They were moving quite fast – as if in a hurry. Her best bet was to try to talk with whoever they were bringing her to. Other than that, she could just hope for them to take her hostage. Being taken in was always better than being dead – at least in her book.  
   It was only a minute later that they halted in the centre of the backyard. The footsteps following them had stopped too, but Claudia could still feel their guns pointing at her. And then she heard another pair of feet coming closer, approaching from behind. She listened closely, but she couldn’t even make out if it was a man or a woman.   
   “We…” Andrew started and then interrupted himself, as if reacting to a sudden gesture.  
   Claudia felt the barrel of the gun being pulled back and being replaced by the sharp tip of a sword instead. _Curse this._  
   “It’s nice to make your acquaintance, Mr. Leader,” She forced out sarcastically. “Don’t you think it’s impolite to not introduce yourself properly before you press a sword against my back?”  
   But whoever was standing behind her just kept silent.  
   “We are leaving before backup arrives,” Andrew stated. His words were most likely directed at the footmen standing behind her. She heard him moving and then he stepped into her field of vision once more, throwing her one last glance before turning away. The expression in his eyes had been distant and indifferent. She couldn’t imagine what she had looked like. Enraged? Hateful? Accusatory? Scared? Disappointed? Sad? There certainly was some of all those emotions raging through her heart. But they only maintained eye contact for a split second before he left her to die. The footmen followed him silently but quickly. She looked at them one more time, but still didn’t recognize any of them.  
   Silently, she watched them walking towards the woods, leaving the scene as if their part had been played. Claudia felt like a rope around her neck was growing tighter and tighter. She was running out of time.  
   “So you’re not going to talk to me?” She asked, composure slowly slipping from her. How long had she already been out here? The backup was supposed to arrive any moment now, wasn’t it?  
   Once again, she was met with devastating silence.  
   “So that’s how it’s going to be?” She felt her voice starting to quiver. “You’re just going to kill me? Won’t you even tell me the great scheme you’ve been drafting? At least tell me what purpose my death serves!”  
   Her voice had taken on a shrill pitch. Part of her was willing to go to her knees and beg for her life while the other knew that this would not help her. She felt tension building up in the silence of the night, raging upwards like a tidal wave. She felt like she was standing on the edge, facing a groundless abyss that was about to suck her in. Her body pumped adrenaline through her veins and the grip on her guns tightened until she felt her hands shaking with muscle tension.  
   And then it snapped, like a rope pulled too firmly and finally ripping apart.  
   She put all her remaining power in one movement, stepping to the side and turning around, but she had barely moved when she already felt the sword entering her body, just beneath the last rip, and impaling her with much more force than should have been possible without even lunging out. From the corner of her eye, she caught a flash of white, then her body gave out.   
   It hurt less than she would have expected. Her knees gave in beneath her as the blade slid out of her body and she dropped to the ground. She barely noticed the impact, too taken in by the burning pain shooting through her upper body. She felt her organs bleeding out, the essence of her life spilling onto the cold ground. Vaguely, she noticed a shoe kicking away the gun that had fallen right in front of her, while the other one had already clattered out of reach after she had unconsciously let go off it.  
   Faintly, she heard footsteps disappearing into the distance and with that she was alone. Left alone to die.  
   She tried to reach for the wound to lessen the flow of blood, but she could not even lift her body anymore. Dread spread inside her as she realized that the last minute, maybe the last seconds of her life had begun, mercilessly ticking away.  
   And all she could think of was Cedric. She saw her life passing by, countless scenes and pictures tied together and flashing before her eyes as the world around her seemed to get darker. Their first encounter, the many times they had met afterwards… His laughter, his smile, his eyes, their love and their happiness, but also the sadness they had gone through, the loneliness they had endured when they couldn’t see each other for long periods of time, those gruesome nightmares that had him waking up screaming and reduced to tears. He had always dreamed about death, about loss and grief, about the family he had lost, about his friends who had died - and about losing her. Memories returned to her, of her holding him as he had been shaking with fear after a nightmare had forced him to watch her dying, wavering on the verge of a panic attack. Vincent, Francis, her husband… She was sure they would be fine. They had each other to lean on. But…  
   _Cedric._  
   Her vision was blurred by both tears and blood loss as she tried to crawl towards her gun. Despair had infected her mind with the crazy idea of shooting herself in the head before her organs failed her: Committing suicide and turning herself into a Grim Reaper before the wound could carry her off. She would do anything to not leave him alone, even going to this length. There was no one left who would catch him, no one left to offer him comfort in his anguish when she died. How many times had she told him that she would always be by his side? When she closed her eyes, she almost saw him breaking apart in front of her deathbed, as if a window in time and space had opened, allowing her a glimpse of the dreadful future that was awaiting him.  
   No. _I cannot give up just yet._ She had to live, no matter what.  
   But in the end, she didn’t even manage to reach her gun. Her body was too weak to move another inch, her consciousness already fading and she realized she wouldn’t make it. Driven by guilt and despair she managed to raise her hand one more time, her fingers already dripping with her own blood that by now had formed a dark, shimmering pool of liquid around her broken body.  
   This time, she didn’t try to reach for the gun, but brought her index finger to the rough cobblestone she was lying on, blindly tracing letters on the stone, using her own blood as ink for her last words she could not tell anyone but the cold hard ground she was lying on. 


	20. On the Edge

Cedric had tried to sleep, but all his attempts had ended the same way: Barely asleep, still drifting between dream and reality, he had shot up again with his heart beating frantically, his hands shaking and raging anxiety spreading through every fibre of his being. No matter what he did, he couldn’t shake the horrendous feeling of foreboding that ate away at him since he had kissed Claudia goodbye in the morning.  
   When he couldn’t take it anymore, he got up and changed back into his coats. Before he knew it, he was standing in the back alley behind the funeral parlour and in the blink of an eye, he vanished into thin air. He reappeared in the shadows of a tree growing in the backyard of the Phantomhive’s summerhouse. He rarely came to the summerhouse at night for it was difficult to stay unnoticed. The bedrooms of the family and the servants were only metres apart. Especially during the last month, entering the building had become absolutely impossible. Due to the series of crimes, security was so high that he couldn’t risk trying, no matter how much he wanted to see her right now.  
   So instead, he let his eyes fall closed and concentrated on his surroundings. He stretched out his senses as he searched for the distinct feeling of Claudia’s aura and found it in her bedroom, motionless and calm. There was no light to be seen behind her windows either. She was probably sleeping peacefully, safe and sound.  
   Cedric heaved a silent sigh of relief. She had promised him not to go and he didn’t doubt her, but still… Something felt wrong. Ever since this morning the feeling of foreboding was twisting his stomach and keeping him from eating anything.  
   He stayed for a while longer, taking comfort in the knowledge of Claudia lying in her bed sleeping, far from any danger, but soon the bark of a watchdog resounded in the silence of the night, shortly followed by that of another one.  
   _They’re smelling me_ , he suspected. Maybe they even sensed his presence. Dogs were more responsive to these things than most humans were. When he heard a door opening nearby, he immediately disappeared from the garden and reappeared at the backdoor of his funeral parlour a few seconds later.  
   Even though Cedric was utterly exhausted – from lack of sleep and food - he refrained from trying to go to bed again. He had the feeling that if he were to fall asleep now, he’d end up being haunted by nightmares again. He had grown more and more used to them as time had passed, but with his anxiety already being as intense as it was, he knew that right now, he couldn’t take any more of them without breaking down. So he decided that it was best to busy himself with his guests and experiments to keep his mind occupied and to distract himself.  
   Hours passed by and the area around his parlour stayed quiet, almost completely void of humans. But the night didn’t stay calm.  
   It was around 4 a.m. when Cedric felt the presence of a human closing in onto his parlour, moving fast and frantic through the otherwise deserted streets of London. Cedric had stood up from his chair and moved to the front door before his visitor could even reach it.  
   He opened the door to a middle-aged man with short, messy hair who had just been about to knock. His clothing…  
   _Scotland Yard_. There was no doubt about it.  
   What was a man from Scotland Yard doing at his shop in the middle of the night? A voice in Cedric’s mind whispered Claudia’s name and the anxiety he had managed to push back during the last few hours returned with the force of a tidal wave. Sheer and utter terror began to clutch at his heart as his mind began to reel with possibilities, each one more horrible than the last.  
   “Sir Undertaker, I assume?” The policeman made sure and Cedric just nodded in response, neither finding the patience nor the breath for joking, teasing or even speaking.  
   “Lord Godwin sent me. He was alerted by the Phantomhives. The manor in the outskirts of London seems to be under attack. On top of that, they were informed about the sudden disappearance of Vincent Phantomhive from Weston College.” The policeman pursed his lips, a deep frown on his forehead. “We contacted Weston College for more information, but… the boy is safe and accounted for. Right now, the situation is unclear. Countess Phantomhive asked us to contact her allies before she headed to the Manor by carriage, taking five servants with her. We haven’t been able to get in touch with her or her servants since they left.”  
   With every word the man spoke, Cedric felt his chest going tighter and tighter with fear until each breath took in an inhuman effort and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears.  
   “When? When did she leave?” He forced out.  
   “About half an hour ago, I think. We-”  
   The policeman kept talking, but Cedric had already turned on his heel and made for the door leading into his living area. The door clicked shut and he was gone, leaving the confused policeman behind.  
   Already half an hour. There was no time for explanations. On his way to the manor Cedric appeared in various tree tops, desperately searching for Claudia’s presence and yet unable to find it. About fifty metres away he could make out the aura of a human, close to the street, but it wasn’t Claudia so he disappeared again and reappeared at another spot, still unable to find her. Instead, the faint presence of two Grim Reapers reached his senses and sent cold shivers down his spine. If they were here… _Please no_.  
   By now he was sick with fear. His breath quivered with rising despair when he teleported into another tree top and couldn’t sense her presence from there either. His hands trembled as he held onto the trunk for a second, cold sweat forming in his palms. He moved frantically from place to place, but her aura was nowhere to be found. If he couldn’t sense her that could only mean…  
   His throat went painfully tight and his mind refused to even finish the thought. _Please, not her._  
   Eventually, he reappeared on the rooftop of the manor, aimlessly stretching out his senses to every direction available. Nothing. His breath caught in his throat and his vision began to blur with tears as despair gradually pulled him under. He turned around his own axis, his gaze wandering over a seemingly never-ending forest and the wide area surrounding the manor, searching.  
   He stopped in shock when his gaze fell on the backyard. Lying face down on the path leading through the garden there was a lifeless body, wrapped in a dark coat.   
   A sensation of utter terror spread through his veins, cold and piercing. _This cannot be real. Please no._  
   He disappeared from the rooftop and reappeared in the backyard, a few metres away from the woman lying on the ground. There was no denying it. From here, he could easily make out her long dark hair and the two braids that had become her trademark after he had made them for her more than fifteen years ago.  
   He stumbled onwards, his limbs feeling strangely numb and disconnected from his body. His throat went tight when he saw the silvery light of the moon reflecting in the pool of blood she had collapsed in, making it gleam in an otherworldly way. He couldn’t feel the presence of her soul anymore, no matter how desperately he fixed his senses on her. It was gone, already sent on by a Grim Reaper and leaving him unable to judge it, unable to bring her back.  
   His vision blurred once again and he felt tears dripping down his cheeks. Slowly, he knelt beside her lifeless body, unable to produce clear thoughts, his very being still frozen in shock. The blood that was seeping into his coats and moistening his hands was still warm.  
   His blurred gaze wandered over her slim figure, the wound on her back that had taken her and then reached her right hand that was lying not far from him, not far from her face, next to…  
   He blinked and as more tears fell down his face, his vision cleared for a short moment, enough to be able to read the letters Claudia had smeared onto the cobblestone with her own blood.  
   _I’m sorry_.  
   Cedric felt his lower lip starting to tremble. He could almost hear her voice inside of his head. That familiar, gentle voice he would never be able to hear again. Her laughter that would never resound in his parlour again. That beautiful smile that would never grace her lips again, those soft hands that would never embrace him again. He pressed his eyes shut, tears forcing their way out even through his closed eyelids. He brought his hands to his face, the stale scent of blood suddenly everywhere around him, opened his mouth – and screamed.   
   His voice jarred and broke under the pressure of his agonized cry and when it finally gave in, his body started to shake with harsh, convulsive sobs. Memories of the time they had spent together flashed before his inner eye mercilessly, showing him all these moments that were dear to him and would never come back. Everything. They could have taken everything else from him, but not her. Not Claudia. And even now that he was kneeling in front of her dead body, her soul already sent on, he found himself begging God to give her back to him. But there was no one there to listen to his silent pleas, only the faint sounds of nature and his own desperate sobs as he broke apart.   
   He had long since lost track of time when he felt the presence of humans moving towards the manor. Through the veil of tears and groundless despair the aura of Lord Godwin, the police commissioner of Scotland Yard, reached his senses. He felt him arriving at the front of the Manor with his men and moving towards the backyard at a rapid speed. Maybe it had been Cedric’s own ragged sobs resounding in the silence of the night that had caught his attention, he could have not said. He both felt and heard Lord Godwin running around the corner and stopping in shock at the sight in front of his eyes. With the last ounce of self-control left in him, Cedric tried to swallow his sobs as the other man approached them slowly, but to no avail.   
   He heard him taking off his hat in respect as he reached Claudia’s lifeless body. Silence fell over them, only the agonized sobs that kept escaping Cedric’s lips to be heard as he cried into his hands.   
   “Did you…” Lord Godwin started off softly. “Did you see them?”  
   Undertaker shook his head. He tried to stop weeping at least for now, but he couldn’t fight it back. The tears just kept coming.  
   “I see…” Lord Godwin answered quietly. “We are still unsure of what happened… She… might have been betrayed.” Cedric heard him stepping closer, before he gently put a hand on Cedric’s shaking shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. “Shall I call for another mortician?”  
   This time, Cedric shook his head more firmly and lowered his hands from his tearstained face. “No,” he managed hoarsely. “I just need a stretcher and a hearse.”  
   Lord Godwin kept silent for a while, his hand still lingering on Cedric’s shoulder. They had never been particularly close, but nevertheless they had known each other for fifteen years. “You don’t have to do this to yourself.”  
   “Just get me a stretcher and a hearse. Please,” Cedric repeated in a whisper. Slowly, he crawled closer to Claudia’s body and let Lord Godwin’s hand slip from his shoulder. With as much care and gentleness he was capable of he turned her over. He had tried to brace himself for the sight awaiting him, but as soon as he met the unfocused, lifeless gaze of her beautiful eyes he broke into sobs again. With trembling hands he reached for her eyelids and gently closed them. With her eyes closed, she almost looked asleep and yet the blueish tint of her skin was giving away the obvious: She was dead.   
   Lord Godwin remained standing behind him a few moments longer, but in the end, he just sighed and took a step back. “Alright… I’ll tell the others.”  
   Lord Godwin turned away and left, while Cedric remained at Claudia’s side, kneeling in her blood and crying. It took him everything he got to resist the urge to pull her into his arms. Even from the distance, he could make out Lord Godwin’s voice as he gave a brief command to his subordinate: “Bring a stretcher and a hearse. Countess Phantomhive has been killed.”

The rest of the night was an unreal blur of barely supressed tears and despair, like a nightmare he just couldn’t wake up from. Riding a hearse, Cedric had returned to his funeral parlour along with the corpse of the woman he had loved more than anyone or anything. The sun was rising in the distance and sent its warm light to the earth, as if to mock him in his anguish.   
   He brought her into the parlour, sent everyone away and gently lay her down onto the medical couch he used for those he readied for their funerals. Silently, he sat down next to her, allowed himself to take her delicate hand in his and bent down to kiss her soft but cold lips one more time. He had barely pulled back when he felt himself being overwhelmed with grief. He choked up and moments later, he broke down. Crying, he pressed his face against her shoulder like he had a few times in the past, but this time there was no comfort to be received. Just loneliness and pain that were slowly ripping him apart. His body shook with violent sobs as he clung to her, inwardly begging her to wake him up from this hellish nightmare so he could cry in her arms instead. But she didn’t and he wasn’t dreaming. Not this time.  
   He kept crying until he ran out of tears and energy, and yet when he bent down to cut off a strand of her soft dark hair he didn’t feel any better for it. Another locket in his collection he had never wanted to possess. Why did it have to come to this? Why her?   
   _Why couldn’t I prevent it?_ She had not set out to catch the criminals… She had gone to save their son and he couldn’t find the heart in him to blame her. If he had been in her situation… He might have done just the same.  
   _I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed at the summer house. I should have gone with her._ But he knew that he could not have stayed behind that tree for the rest of the night. He also knew that he could have not stayed by her side every day, every night – and that she wouldn’t have wanted to be constantly observed. And yet… if he had, maybe he would have been able to save her.   
   No matter how deep his pain was: In the end, he had to do his job and prepare her body for the funeral that was soon to come. He stitched up the wound that had taken her from him, washed her pale skin and during everything he did, he couldn’t stop weeping. Her death had left an emptiness in him that ate away at his very being. He just couldn’t imagine the sun rising like nothing had happened, couldn’t even imagine that there was a tomorrow for him, let alone a next week.   
   Everything around him was a blur. A throbbing headache was plaguing him, growing worse with every movement he made, his eyes were burning and a vertigo kept turning the room around him, induced by lack of sleep and food. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to eat or sleep. He couldn’t force any food down his throat or face his nightmares only to wake up screaming to a reality worse than any nightmare.  
   His body only lasted until the afternoon. He had stood up from a chair to move to a nearby room, but he had barely taken three steps when he felt his knees crumbling beneath him. He stumbled, tried to regain his balance, but his muscles lacked the strength to carry his own body weight. He tried to get up from the floor, but his body felt so incredibly heavy… He just couldn’t. Void of energy, he resigned himself to fate and closed his eyes as he curled up on the hard wooden floor. It was only then that he noticed the heat building up in his body and realized that he was about to develop a vicious fever.  
   Silently he wondered if it was possible for a Grim Reaper to die from sickness and physical exhaustion. To him, the thought suddenly held an overwhelming appeal. Would dying from refusing food, sleep and medical care count as suicide? And… did it even matter? He had killed himself once and had been turned into a Grim Reaper… What would happen if he summoned his death scythe now and thrust it through his own heart? He knew that a death scythe could kill him if he was persistent enough, but… Would he wake up as a Grim Reaper once more, his body all recovered, or would he finally wind up dead, likely burning in hell?  
   In the end, neither the thought of burning in hell nor the Shinigami Dispatch Society held much appeal. So he mobilized what power he had left to push himself off the floor, leaning onto the wall for support while strained breaths spilled from his lips. His whole body seemed to be shaking.  
   Originally, he had wanted to try and drag himself up the stairs and to his bedroom. But in the end, he winded up sitting next to her dead body again, holding onto her hand as if it was the only thing that kept him sane. And maybe it was. When he looked at his hands, he half-expected to find his skin ripping open, but no matter how tremendous the pain he felt inside was, it didn’t show on the outside. It seemed to tear at every fibre of his being, seeping through his soul, disturbing his thoughts and twisting his mind until he felt like he was rotting to the very core.  
   He rested his forehead on the medical couch right next to her arm, his hand clinging onto hers as if it was a lifeline, the only thing preventing him from drowning in himself. Soon, his mind was spinning and reeling with familiar thoughts, fury and despair gradually pulling him under.  
   This world… This whole world was so deeply screwed up. When death was pre-determined… When every human’s death and cause of death were already set in stone, ink on paper… How could he and the other Grim Reapers be punished for the crime of suicide, when there had been no choice for them? How could they force them to seek redemption for something that had been decided for them before they could decide it for themselves? When he shot himself, he had only wanted nothingness and what he had been given was an eternity filled with pain and helplessness.   
   It was precisely because of this he had fled the Shinigami Dispatch Society, because he had sought for a life far away from all this nonsense, but even now… Even now he was bound by the rules of this world and so were the people he had grown to love after returning to the human world. And today, he had been robbed off the woman he had loved more than anyone. How was he supposed to live when he couldn’t even keep the people he loved alive? What was his knowledge good for when he could achieve nothing with it? When he couldn’t even make a difference, couldn’t change the words written down in these damn notebooks?  
   By now, he was crying again, desperate to relieve the horrendous feeling of pain that was tearing him apart and yet unable to. He raised his teary gaze to look at Claudia’s cleaned body, carefully wrapped in white fabric, her pale and even skin almost like that of a wax figurine. She still looked so alive, but what was left of her was only the physical vessel and the cinematic record that held all her memories… everything that had formed the person he had met and loved. All she lacked was her soul, already sent on by a Grim Reaper. And without a soul, a human was unable to live.  
   His breath came in shallow gasps, his gaze fixed onto her face, as his mind produced the first clear thoughts ever since he had broken down next to her dead body. He had been unable to prevent her death with the knowledge he possessed as a Grim Reaper and he hadn’t reached her in time to try and judge her soul. But…  
   _Can I bring her soul back?_ He had sent on countless souls himself and yet he didn’t know where exactly they went to. They had just disappeared, maybe to heaven, maybe to hell. When he was able to send them on with the power of his death scythe… could he steal her soul back? Or maybe…   
   _Can I create a soul…? Steal it from another person?_ The cinematic record that held all her memories remained inside of her body… If all her memories remained, if he made sure that her physical form stayed intact… Would she remain the same person even with a soul that wasn’t hers? Was it possible… to cheat death?  
   As all those thoughts crossed his mind, his shaking body stilled for a while and his gaze was lost in space. A strange, disturbing silence had not only descended within the room, but also within his mind. Somewhere inside, part of him noticed that he was starting to finally go mad, but now that he had reached this point, he found himself unable and unwilling to fight against the only ounce of hope that was left inside him. Cheating death and bringing her back… Yes.   
   Slowly, his gaze focused on his surroundings again, on her beautiful face that still looked so much like she was just asleep. He gently cupped her cool cheek with his shaking hand and closed his eyes, tears dripping down his chin and nose and onto her face as he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.  
   Beyond grief and despair, he felt a newfound resolve sparking in his soul. He wouldn’t bow to this world’s rules – he was determined to bend them and break them, to shake the very pillars this world was built on. He would do _anything_ to overcome death and meet her again. Anything to be able to meet her gaze again, to hear her voice and her laughter, to feel her touch. Anything, even giving up on himself and throwing away sanity if he could only get her back. No matter how many decades or centuries it would take him to accomplish.  
   But before he could start preparing her body for this long slumber, there was one more thing he had to do…  
   Hesitantly, he reached for the object containing his death scythe and summoned it. The huge and violent looking scythe almost appeared vulgar next to Claudia’s slim and frail form. His stomach twisted at the mere thought of bringing it anywhere close to her body, but… There was no other way. He had to.  
   He took hold of her hand once more and carefully brought the tip of the scythe down to her palm. He hesitated, but in the end he gently touched her cool skin with the metal.  
   “Tell me what happened to you…” he whispered, his voice growing hoarse and thick with tears. “Show me… your record.”  
   And through the small cut a tidal wave of filmstrips spouted into the room, encircling him as if to embrace him and soothe him in his despair. Surrounding him with her voice, her laughter and her tears, her tenderness and her anger. Telling him the story of her life: the story of the Queen’s Watchdog, the story of their love and the story of her death.   
   On this day, he silently made a promise to both her and himself: the promise to meet again. And when he arranged her hair for the locket he would keep until the day of their reunion, his fingers formed the symbol of infinity without thought: Forever connected by love, their symbol enveloped by the ring they had never been able to wear.


	21. Epilogue: The Wheels of Fate

As the sun rose on the 13th of July 1866, Vincent was woken up by the Weston College staff and brought back to the summerhouse of the Phantomhive family. Nobody had told him anything, but the atmosphere hanging in the air was enough for him to know that something terrible had happened. Natalie, one of her mother’s maids, greeted him at the door, her eyes moist and reddened from crying. She led him through the summerhouse and into the banquet hall, where Vincent found his sister curled up on a chair crying and his father sitting at the table with a face as white as snow. His mother was nowhere to be seen and when his father raised his head to look at him, Vincent could tell what had happened even without him saying anything: his mother had died.  
   He didn’t learn until later about the feint that had lured her into death, that it was his own life she had wanted to protect when she had knowingly stepped into a trap. She had been betrayed by her own ally, the butler who had even served her father. The man who had looked out for her when she had just been a child, who had looked out for Vincent himself ever since he could remember. Vincent had always been aware of the dangers the title of the Queen’s Watchdog brought, but… He never would have expected this turn of events. Not from Andrew.  
   Despite the worries raised by Andrew’s betrayal, it appeared that he was alone in his actions. The other servants had met up with the back-up long before they had found his mother in the backyard of the Manor, just as shocked as everyone else. Nobody could imagine what had driven him to turn on her – and nobody would ever be able to ask him.  
   He had vanished temporarily after his mother’s death. Two days later his corpse had been found not far from London, his body violently slashed to bits by a large weapon. His murderer was never found and the investigation was soon closed. Scotland Yard suspected he might have been betrayed by the group he had sided with in the assassination of the Queen’s Watchdog. With the way the man’s body had been torn apart Vincent personally suspected it had been an act of revenge, probably executed by the Evil Noblemen themselves. Of course, they didn’t admit to the murder - and Vincent didn’t care. He had wanted to see this man dead anyway – and he had. The state he had been in was a horrible sight, an image that would probably haunt his nightmares for decades to come.  
   Even though Scotland Yard and the Evil Noblemen were operating at full strength, the grand scheme behind his mother’s death remained wrapped in mystery. Those pulling the strings seemed to have disappeared from earth, as if they had never existed. The few footmen they could capture were utterly clueless, just as the ones his mother had managed to capture over the course of the last month. A few of them showed up dead, scattered in various places around London, and suspicion was that they had learned too much or that there had been conflicts in the group of criminals. The investigation was still on-going, but there wasn’t much hope of unravelling the mystery of the last month. From the 13th July onwards, no more dead dogs showed up, the Evil Noblemen were no longer the target of attacks and the cases of arson in London had dwindled to nothing. In the end, Vincent might have to accept that he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of capturing and punishing the criminals who had brought so much pain upon him and his family – but he was determined to at least try.  
   Just as his mother had stated in her testament, Vincent became the new Earl of Phantomhive and thus also obtained the title of the Queen’s Watchdog. He was just fifteen years old, but he would follow in his mother’s wake and carry out her duty to the fullest, like his ancestors had before him. Like she had done herself after her father had died young.  
   He had always been aware that the title of the Queen’s Watchdog was a burden, like a target marking you for an early death. Still, now that his mother was gone, he felt unprepared and alone. His father was unfamiliar with the tasks his mother had been given over the past years, but he had taken on the leadership of the Funtom Company for as long as Vincent was still going to college to lighten his workload at least a bit.  
   It was two days since his mother’s funeral. Most of the time, Vincent felt like a machine, hollow and numb, as he ran from appointment to appointment. He had already been contacted by the Queen as well. He hadn’t even been allowed a single day to mourn .  
   It was only when his father handed him a letter from his mother that had been enclosed with her testament, addressed to him and him alone, that he was finally able to be alone for a while and cry over the last words, the last advice she had left to help prepare him for what was to come.  
  Heavy clouds drained all colour from the grass and the trees around him, making the world look dull and sad as Vincent passed through the garden and headed towards the graveyard of the Phantomhive family. Silently, he repeated the last paragraph of his mother’s letter inside his mind. The letter dated back to a summer day two years ago. He kept it safely folded and stored in the pocket of his pitch-black clothing.

_I do hope that you will never have to read this letter, for it means I died too young and passed my burden onto you far too early. But should you have to read it, I want you to know that I am deeply sorry for all the pain and pressure you will have to endure. I strongly believe that you will find your way, no matter how harshly fate struck. And should a time come when you don’t know what to do and whom to trust, then head for Undertaker’s funeral parlour. No matter what the future brings, I am sure that he will remain by your side._

_With love,_  
_Claudia Phantomhive_

Unconsciously, Vincent’s hand slid over the pocket in which he had stored the letter. _Undertaker…_  
   He had been by his mother’s side ever since Vincent could remember. He had always been there, the faceless man clad in black who so many people seemed to be afraid of. Yet Vincent had never held an ounce of fear for him inside his heart. He vividly remembered the many times he had seen Undertaker passing down a hallway with his mother, walking side by side, talking, smiling and laughing. He also remembered the few times they had spoken and the events of an Easter day many years in the past.  
   Vincent had never thought too hard about the bond that connected them, but it had always appeared to be very close and trusting. Sometimes he had thought that they held whole conversations by just exchanging a silent gaze. Vincent had seen him crying during her funeral. Those tears had been full of grief and anguish, not shed out of a sense of duty but emotions that ran deep.  
   And not for the first time Vincent silently wondered if he had loved her and if she had loved him in return. The way his mother had laughed around him, the smiles she had given him had always been different from those she had given her husband. Vincent had never said anything about this to anyone – he wasn’t stupid after all - but it was only in Undertaker’s presence that his mother had appeared sincerely happy. Thinking about it, he was strangely alright with the thought of his mother loving someone other than her husband. He knew that his parent’s marriage had been arranged and that the Queen had pressured his mother to take this step. And even though he was still young, Vincent was observant enough to know that they had not loved each other. They had been kind and understanding when they interacted, but his mother’s joyous laughter and sparkling smiles had always only been directed at Undertaker.  
  Vincent stopped at the graveyard gate when he spotted Undertaker kneeling in front of his mother’s grave. He had never been one to believe in destiny, but at that moment he could feel the wheels of fate turning. What a moment to meet him of all people.  
  Vincent was aware that his eyes were still red from crying, but he still approached the grave and knelt beside the man he had seen so many times in his life and yet barely ever exchanged a word with. Despite his unfamiliarity, his presence didn’t feel unpleasant, but strangely comforting.  
  His mother’s grave was covered with the most beautiful flowers Vincent had ever seen, elegantly arranged by skilled hands. Not a single one of them was wilting, every flower blooming in all its splendour. Majestic white lilies encircled the gravestone as if they were nestling against the dark stone into which his mother’s name had been engraved: Claudia Phantomhive.  
   “She loved flowers,” Vincent whispered, his voice wavering with emotion at the sight of her grave. His mother had been a tough and sometimes aloof woman, but she had adored flowers of every colour and shape.  
   “I know,” Undertaker responded just as quietly. When Vincent listened closely, he heard that his voice was unsteady as well, thick with emotion. “That’s why I’m taking care of them.” The grin he usually wore was nowhere to be seen. “I was wondering when I would meet you here.”  
   “The Queen keeps summoning me,” Vincent answered as he lowered his gaze to the flowers and gently traced one of the petals with the tip of his finger. He had wanted to visit her grave much more often and much longer, but he had barely found the time to. “I’m not given much time. I’ll... get decorated soon.”  
   “I see…” Undertaker made a noise that almost sounded repulsed. “So she’s already blowing on the dog whistle.”  
   Vincent shrugged, but the strain of the past days was taking a toll on him. He blinked as he felt his eyes stinging with tears and swallowed to prevent a lump from building in his throat. “I guess. I inherited mother’s title, so it’s my duty to do this, even though I wish she’d grant me a few more days of peace.”  
   He felt Undertaker’s eyes lingering on him, but as Vincent raised his head to meet his gaze the only thing he could see were the long silvery bangs covering the upper part of Undertaker’s face. Silently he wondered what was behind the curtains of hair he had never seen past and if his mother had known.  
   Eventually, Vincent’s gaze returned to the flowers. He thought his words over for a moment before he spoke them with difficulty. “I received… a letter from my mother today that had been enclosed in her testament.” He paused and pulled it out, slowly unfolding it. He felt Undertaker leaning in a bit as Vincent’s fingertip traced the lines of the last paragraph. “She wrote… That whenever I don’t know what to do, I should seek you out.”  
   Silence fell over them and when Undertaker spoke next, his voice sounded unfamiliarly gentle. “Do you know what to do?”  
   “I...” Vincent felt his throat going tight, but he pressed on. “I’m not… sure.” He choked up on the last word. He had thought he was all cried out, but he had been wrong. Sitting in front of his mother’s grave, becoming more and more aware of the fact that she would never come back, the uncertainty he felt in the face of his own future… It was just too much.  
   Vincent’s shoulders shook with a mute sob as tears started to run down his cheeks and dripped onto the ground and his legs. When he felt Undertaker’s hand on his back, he couldn’t help but sobbing quietly. He closed his eyes and brought the back of his hand to his mouth to muffle his shuddering breath as he did his best to regain composure. All the while, Undertaker’s hand gently moved over his back, reassuringly and soothingly, until his breathe slowly normalized and his tears had subsided.  
   Vincent’s eyes widened in surprise when he felt Undertaker’s thumb on his cheek, carefully wiping away a few tears. His touch lingered for a second longer before he pulled back and stood up. Vincent raised his head just in time to see Undertaker wiping away a few tears off his own cheeks.  
   Slowly, Vincent got up as well and dried the remnants of tears with his sleeve. Normally, he would have apologized to Undertaker for losing his composure like that, but the silence that lingered between them was strangely pleasant and held a mutual sympathy for their shared pain and grief.  
   The silence continued for a while longer and was only broken when Undertaker exhaled audibly. When Vincent raised his head to look at him, that familiar grin had returned to his lips, even though when he looked closer it became obvious that a lot of anguish and pain lay hidden beneath.  
   “My doors will always be open for you, Earl Phantomhive,” Undertaker cooed as he crooked his head at him. “Feel free to visit me at any time.”  
   A small but grateful smile formed on Vincent’s lips. The knowledge that he was not alone with the burden he had to bear from now on was relieving. Undertaker’s many years of experience would certainly be a great help in dealing with the work of the Queen’s Watchdog. The knowledge that they shared the grief over his mother’s death was comforting in its own way, they wouldn’t have to put on masks or fake smiles to keep up appearances.  
   “Thank you. In that case, I will see you tomorrow.” Vincent would have loved to stay a bit longer, but his next appointment was already around the corner. He just had enough time left to change his clothing and wash his face.  
   For a second, Vincent thought Undertaker looked like he wanted to say more. The wind pulled at his bangs, just barely leaving them in place. In the end, Undertaker just turned around and waved at him while he was leaving. “See~ you~.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this marks the end of this fanfiction :) I'm still sad that it had to end like this, even though it had been clear from the very start :'D
> 
> I want to thank everyone who read my story, it means a lot to me that you took the time to read it :) I'm also very grateful for all the reviews I received, I really enjoyed reading them :) And of course, I want to say thank you to my proof-read Wolfgirl44. I would have never uploaded, likely never even finished this fanfiction if she hadn't offered proof-reading it for me as I'm no native English speaker and still make a bunch of mistakes and word-misuses she all needed to fix xD
> 
> I don't have much else to say xD I'll return to my original work for now that went on hiatus for this fanfiction. It was a very nice experience to write English fiction for once, I feel like my English improved too xD Overall, I had a lot of fun writing this fanfiction :3 (but it also caused me quite a bit of heartbreak :'D)
> 
> So, thanks again to all the readers and reviewers, sharing this fanfiction was a really nice experience :3 *waves*


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